![\"apologize](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/1137\/2019\/01\/how-to-say-youre-sorry.jpg\")
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Has your husband ever said or done something that was completely insensitive and hurt your feelings? He might\u2019ve started it, but you got in a few verbal jabs of your own.<\/p>\n
You part ways before the thing\u2019s settled because you each have a thousand other things to do\u2013kids\u2019 baths, pay bills, make lunches\u2013so when you come back together later that night, the issue is still unresolved.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s most likely forgotten about it. But you haven\u2019t. That thing about \u201cnot letting the sun go down on your anger\u201d runs through your mind, but honestly, you really don\u2019t care. You decide it\u2019s dumb, he started it and you\u2019re tired.<\/p>\n
That scenario played out in my marriage more times than I\u2019d like to admit early on.<\/p>\n
How about you?<\/p>\n
He\u2019d say or do something. I\u2019d get ticked. And we\u2019d get trapped in this power struggle<\/a> because neither one of us was willing to admit fault or apologize.<\/p>\n Learning how to say you\u2019re sorry is a critical skill in a healthy marriage. It\u2019s also usually the beginning of\u00a0 reconciliation. When your husband knows you respect<\/a> him enough to apologize, he may be willing to talk through things to find a solution.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not easy apologize. Especially when he started it. But when you say or do something wrong, you should apologize, even if he started it.<\/em><\/p>\n Do you have a hard time saying you\u2019re sorry?<\/p>\n Or do you apologize sometimes, and he doesn\u2019t believe you mean it?<\/p>\n Here are 6 steps to making an apology so he doesn\u2019t doubt you mean it and will leave him feeling respected and loved:<\/p>\n 1. Acknowledge<\/strong><\/p>\n Admit you did something wrong.\u00a0 Be specific.\u201cI spoke to you in a way I shouldn\u2019t have when you \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Nothing generic like, \u201cHey, sorry about that.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s not taking responsibility. It\u2019s almost dismissive, but identifying the specific offense and how it must have made him feel lets him\u00a0 know that you understand the pain you caused.<\/p>\n 2. Apologize<\/strong><\/p>\n Say you\u2019re sorry.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry for talking to you like that.\u201d<\/em> We don\u2019t like to apologize<\/a>.\u00a0 It\u2019s embarrassing. We think it makes us look weak. But humility actually shows strength of character.<\/p>\n 3. Express regret<\/strong><\/p>\n Let him know you regret hurting him. \u201cI must\u2019ve hurt you when I snapped at you. I feel bad.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n 4. Accept responsibility<\/strong><\/p>\n Own it.\u00a0 \u201c<\/strong>I shouldn\u2019t have acted like that. I don\u2019t like hurting you or making you feel disrespected.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0Don\u2019t try to slip in an explanation or excuse. When you say,\u00a0 \u201cI\u201dm sorry, but \u2026\u201d he\u2019ll only hear what comes after the \u201cbut.\u201d<\/p>\n 5. Offer to make it right<\/strong><\/p>\n Offer to try to respond differently next time. \u201cWhat can I do to make it right?<\/em>\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll try to respond in a more loving and understanding way<\/em>.\u201d \u201cOr \u201cIs there anything I can do to make you feel better?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n 6. Ask forgiveness<\/strong><\/p>\n Ask for forgiveness. \u201cWill you forgive me?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n I lost it when you were on your phone during dinner. I spoke to you in a way I shouldn\u2019t have. I\u2019m sorry for talking to you like that.\u00a0<\/strong>I must\u2019ve hurt you when I snapped at you. I shouldn\u2019t have acted like that.\u00a0<\/strong>I\u2019ll try to respond in a more loving and understanding way.<\/strong>\u00a0Is there anything I can do to make you feel better? Please forgive me.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n BAM!<\/p>\n When your husband\u00a0 sees you\u2019re truly brokenhearted over hurting him and you think enough of him to apologize and ask forgiveness, he\u2019ll feel loved and important. Then he may be open to discussing ways to address the issue that\u2019ll make you both happy.<\/p>\n Will you get it right every time?<\/p>\n Probably not.<\/p>\n But making the effort goes a long way towards building and maintaining a healthy marriage.<\/p>\n Practice makes progress. You want progress<\/em> not perfection.<\/p>\n Need skills to build intimacy?<\/em><\/p>\n Subscribe to updates from The Not So Excellent Wife here<\/a>!<\/p>\n Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She\u2019s\u00a0helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.<\/em><\/p>\n After 33 years of marriage, she\u2019s a\u00a0\u00a0coach<\/a>\u00a0 and a\u00a0speaker<\/a>\u00a0whose passion is to\u00a0<\/em>equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God\u2019s way. And you don\u2019t have to be a doormat to do it.<\/em><\/p>\n She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.<\/em><\/p>\n In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.\u00a0 Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Has your husband ever said or done something that was completely insensitive and hurt your feelings? He might\u2019ve started it, but you got in a few verbal jabs of your own. You part ways before the thing\u2019s settled because you each have a thousand other things to do\u2013kids\u2019 baths, pay bills, make lunches\u2013so when you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3927,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[198,3],"tags":[81,108,162,165,219,210,168,213,90,120,1690,180,183,42,471,15,999,66,192,144,234,147,312,135,138],"class_list":["post-3772","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-emotional-health","category-httpmarriagemothrhoodandmore-com-2","tag-christain-living","tag-dealing-with-emotional-pain","tag-denial","tag-disappointment","tag-family","tag-fear","tag-forgiveness","tag-god","tag-healing-relationships","tag-holy-spirit","tag-how-to-apologize-after-a-fight","tag-hurt","tag-jesus","tag-marriage","tag-mom-blog","tag-motherhood","tag-pain","tag-parenting","tag-perseverance","tag-real-moms-dont-judge-we-just-suggest","tag-relationships","tag-religion","tag-shame","tag-victorious-christian-living","tag-womens-emotional-health"],"yoast_head":"\nHe doesn\u2019t believe you mean it<\/h2>\n
So it looks like this:<\/h2>\n
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