{"id":12135,"date":"2014-02-14T12:42:22","date_gmt":"2014-02-14T17:42:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/?p=12135"},"modified":"2014-02-14T12:42:22","modified_gmt":"2014-02-14T17:42:22","slug":"two-great-questions-from-men-about-nfp","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/2014\/02\/14\/two-great-questions-from-men-about-nfp\/","title":{"rendered":"Two great questions from men about NFP"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a>I had a great interview with the witty and insightful Scott Eric Alt of Logos & Muse<\/a> yesterday, and he incorporated parts of our conversation into his review,\u00a0Seven Reasons to Read Simcha Fisher\u2019s Book on\u00a0NFP<\/a>. \u00a0This question came up:<\/span><\/p>\n

Why should we trust this mother of nine to make the case for\u00a0NFP?<\/strong> That\u2019s a fecun\u00addity beyond all rea\u00adson! Either she\u2019s not using\u00a0NFP\u00a0at all (oh the deceit!<\/em>) or it does not really work. Nancy Pelosi infa\u00admously said that you call NFP-users \u201cmama\u201d and \u201cdada,\u201d and Sim\u00adcha Fisher is exhibit A.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\n

He\u2019s not the first one to delicately inquire how I presume to write about NFP, when I\u2019ve had so many kids in such a short time. \u00a0The short answer is that even exclusive breastfeeding is no match for my incredible, invincible, almost inexplicable fertility. \u00a0I\u2019m not kidding. \u00a0You will just have to take my word for it that I do know what I\u2019m talking about when I talk about abstinence.<\/p>\n

The other answer is that this book is not based solely on my own experience. I was lucky enough to belong to a message board of NFP-users for many years, where men and women felt free to complain and console each other through the trials of NFP. \u00a0Not only did I learn about other people\u2019s experiences, I learned that one\u2019s own experience is not necessarily The Experience. \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Check out the rest of the interview here<\/a>. \u00a0We also talked about how God\u2019s will works with free will; how NFP is not another kind of contraception, but another kind of life; and why I chose to write around<\/em> NFP, rather than writing about<\/em> NFP.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Next, Peter of Lightly Salted has written a really nice review<\/a> in which he appreciates various points I made . . .<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\u00a0\u2026 but all these things do not make the book as valuable as the main thread of her argument that runs through each chapter.<\/p>\n

Fisher\u2019s main point is this:\u00a0sex is for grownups. So if you want fantastic sex, you need to grow up! When we are childish, petulant, selfish and lazy in our approach to sex, it will be disappointing to say the least. So the struggles with married life are a gift in that, learning to be a grownup in our most intimate relationship not only makes that relationship much more fun, frolicsome and fulfilling, it teaches us to be grownups in every other aspect of our lives. In short, marriage helps us grow in holiness.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Right on. \u00a0Then Peter asks the second question that has come up more than once: \u00a0why isn\u2019t there more in the book directed at men?<\/strong> \u00a0He says:<\/p>\n

\u00a0I can hardly fault Simcha for writing from a woman\u2019s perspective. After all, she writes as a woman who has listened carefully to men and seems to understand the basics. But\u00a0 I wanted a chapter for men!\u00a0A chapter from a man\u2019s perspective might have rounded off the book as an even more excellent resource for couples than it already is. I don\u2019t mean that she is hard on men. I think she is too soft in places. Sometimes it takes a man to tell other men to \u2018man up\u2019, and give some practical tips on how to go about it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The book has a lot of chapters which are addressed equally to men and women, and then several which are addressed to women, encouraging them to understand, express themselves to, and encourage communication from their husbands. \u00a0This was deliberate.<\/p>\n

The first reason I addressed women more directly is that women are more likely than men to buy and read a book about relationships, so I designed the book for women to read and then share with their husbands. \u00a0I did paint in broad strokes when describing how men and women usually think, and what most men and most women need. \u00a0(My editor made me take out a lot of tedious \u201cof course, this may not apply to you\u201ds and \u201cnaturally, there is a lot of variation\u201ds.) \u00a0The goal of the book was not to tell men and women what women and men are thinking, respectively, but to encourage them to find out what their particular spouses<\/em> are thinking. \u00a0In general, women are more motivated to broach that territory.<\/p>\n

The second reason is that the book was already extremely personal, and I really didn\u2019t want to write a chapter that would inevitably come across as \u201c10 Things Simcha Wishes Her Husband Would Understand; Sheesh, What Do I Gotta Do, Write a Book?\u201d or \u201cMistakes that Husbands Such as Damien T. Fisher, 39, of Southern NH, Make When Dealing with Their Wives.\u201d<\/p>\n

Okay, three reasons: my plan original plan was to sell maybe<\/em> 250 copies of a self-published ebook and that would be the end of it, so I wasn\u2019t really attempting to put together the definitive compendium of NFP-related issues. \u00a0But I fervently hope that my book will be the first of many about NFP, and I would love to hear more from and about men.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Thanks for the great reviews, Peter and Scott, and for the opportunity to answer those questions! \u00a0Readers, if you\u2019re not already familiar with Logos & Muse<\/a> and Lightly Salted<\/a>, you\u2019re missing out.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I had a great interview with the witty and insightful Scott Eric Alt of Logos & Muse yesterday, and he incorporated parts of our conversation into his review,\u00a0Seven Reasons to Read Simcha Fisher\u2019s Book on\u00a0NFP. \u00a0This question came up: Why should we trust this mother of nine to make the case for\u00a0NFP? That\u2019s a fecun\u00addity […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1533,"featured_media":12137,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[451,450,116,339,449,176,331],"class_list":["post-12135","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-lightly-salted","tag-logos-muse","tag-nfp","tag-reviews","tag-scott-eric-alt","tag-the-difference-between-men-and-women","tag-the-sinners-guide-to-natural-family-planning"],"yoast_head":"\nTwo great questions from men about NFP<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I had a great interview with the witty and insightful Scott Eric Alt of Logos & Muse yesterday, and he incorporated parts of our conversation into his\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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