{"id":13548,"date":"2014-08-22T05:48:54","date_gmt":"2014-08-22T10:48:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/?p=13548"},"modified":"2014-08-22T05:48:54","modified_gmt":"2014-08-22T10:48:54","slug":"the-case-for-siblings-why-having-a-baby-is-good-for-your-other-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/2014\/08\/22\/the-case-for-siblings-why-having-a-baby-is-good-for-your-other-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"The Case for Siblings: Why Having a Baby Is Good for Your Other Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

[This post originally ran at\u00a0Faith and Family Live<\/em>\u00a0in 2010, when I was pregnant with #8. I\u2019m on my way to Virginia for the Summer Soiree at Mary\u2019s Shelter! If you have a prayer to spare, maybe send up one that my ears don\u2019t get too plugged up on the plane? It\u2019s hard to talk into a microphone when your ears are plugged up! Usually I take Sudafed, but this is a no go for this stage of the pregnancy. And also please pray that I don\u2019t cry on stage for any reason. I don\u2019t even know why I would, but pregnancy increases my cryability about 900%. Most of all, please pray for a successful fundraiser for this wonderful organization that helps so many women and children. Thanks!]<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Lucy<\/a>

One of the best parts of being pregnant with my eighth child was that I never woke up in the middle of the night, panicking: \u201cHow can I do this to [current youngest child]?\u201d<\/span>

True, I woke up for a thousand other reasons, most of them involving my internal organs. But it was a huge relief to finally realize that\u00a0having a new baby is not bad for the current baby<\/em>.<\/span>

How I used to fret about this! The whole nine months, I would worry about how we would all get along, how the soon-to-be-supplanted youngest would adapt, and even whether I could love the new baby as much as I loved my firstborn. (I did.)<\/span>

But everyone else seems to think that a new baby is bad for the other kids. Dozens of times, I\u2019ve had strangers peer around my enormous belly to coo at the toddler, \u201cAww \u2026 now you won\u2019t get to be the baby anymore.\u201d<\/span>

Thanks, lady. Thanks for informing my child that she\u2019s suffering. Luckily, she doesn\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about\u2014and neither do you.<\/span>

Here is what really happens when we have a new baby at our house:<\/span>

First are the immediate benefits: my mother reads them books until she goes hoarse. My husband fills the house with steak and ice cream and and blurts out things like, \u201cPick out any toy you want, kids!\u201d<\/span>

Then they get to visit me at the hospital, which has an elevator, and the nurses stuff them with popsicles and muffins, and everyone raves over how well-behaved they are.<\/span>

Of course it\u2019s not all sunshine and buttercups. With childbirth, I magically transform from a third trimester exhausted zombie into\u2014ta dah!\u2014a postpartum exhausted zombie. Instead of having no lap to sit on, I have an extremely tender abdomen, and I\u2019m constantly nursing the infant who DOESN\u2019T WANT YOU TO SIT ON HER, OH MY GOSH, GET OFF, GET OFF!<\/span>

Still, everyone loves the new baby, everyone is amazed and enchanted, and they all want to help. The girls want to pet her, and the boys want to guard and protect her. (If that\u2019s a sexist statement, then life is sexist, because that\u2019s what happens.)<\/span>

\u201cLook at her little tiny feet, feel her silky hair! Ohh, Mama, I can feel her heart beating on the top of her head.\u201d<\/span>

Then follows the second week, when the toddler suddenly realizes that the baby is \u2026 staying. In this week, everyone is crying, everyone has a rash, everything we own is wet and smelly, and if I had the mental wherewithal, I would be able to form a complete thought such as, \u201cAnother baby? What were we thinking?\u201d<\/span>

This stage lasts for about five weeks, actually.<\/span>

But then the 6-week marks comes. At six weeks, no one can remember life before baby. She smiles, she\u2019s trying to figure out how to laugh, her belly button is no longer scary, and she clearly likes us. The older kids can hold her while I shower, and the younger ones have figured out how to sit next to the baby without sitting on the baby, so we can all read\u00a0Katy No-Pockets<\/em>\u00a0together for the 923rd time.<\/span>

Yes, sometimes they feel left out or envious. But more often, they fight over who gets to hold her. The middle kids discover that they can be allies, rather than rivals. The youngest one relinquishes Family Baby status with visible relief, and starts to pursue a more exciting goal: being one of the gang. She generally has a language explosion a few weeks after the new baby is born. And if you want to see a proud, pleased and confident toddler, tell her, \u201cUh-oh, the baby is crying!\u201d and watch her pop a pacifier in the baby\u2019s mouth. Hero!<\/span>

And she still gets to be a baby\u2014just not the baby. I still rock her and sing \u201cBaby Beluga.\u201d Or one of the older kids will rock her and sing \u201cBaby Beluga,\u201d and that\u2019s good, too. Because one day, I won\u2019t be here, and the kids will only have each other. They are getting used to caring for each other, and care engenders love.<\/span>

My seven siblings and I email regularly, visit when we can, pray for each other, nudge each other to go to the doctor, recommend books and movies, proofread each other\u2019s writing, understand each other\u2019s sense of humor, and share the same childhood memories, good and bad.<\/span>

A woman once told me that she\u2019d decided not to have a second child, because she \u201ccouldn\u2019t do that\u201d to her son. Couldn\u2019t do what? Live? Love someone, and be loved? My parents gave me seven allies in a hard world. Change and loss will happen anyway\u2014better to have the good company of brothers and sisters when it happens to you.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[This post originally ran at\u00a0Faith and Family Live\u00a0in 2010, when I was pregnant with #8. I\u2019m on my way to Virginia for the Summer Soiree at Mary\u2019s Shelter! If you have a prayer to spare, maybe send up one that my ears don\u2019t get too plugged up on the plane? It\u2019s hard to talk into […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1533,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[27,92,138,773,220],"class_list":["post-13548","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-babies","tag-kids","tag-pregnancy","tag-siblings","tag-the-stupids"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Case for Siblings: Why Having a Baby Is Good for Your Other Kids<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"  One of the best parts of being pregnant with my eighth child was that I never woke up in the middle of the night, panicking: \u201cHow can I do this to\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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