{"id":15423,"date":"2015-01-13T13:10:39","date_gmt":"2015-01-13T18:10:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/?p=15423"},"modified":"2015-01-13T13:10:39","modified_gmt":"2015-01-13T18:10:39","slug":"things-you-dont-want-steam-in-a-short-list","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/2015\/01\/13\/things-you-dont-want-steam-in-a-short-list\/","title":{"rendered":"Things You Don&#8217;t Want Steam In: A Short List"},"content":{"rendered":"<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC \"-\/\/W3C\/\/DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional\/\/EN\" \"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/TR\/REC-html40\/loose.dtd\">\n<html><head><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><\/head><body><p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/358\/2015\/01\/monster-soup.jpg\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter  wp-image-15424\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/358\/2015\/01\/monster-soup.jpg\" alt=\"L0006579 Engraving: 'Monster Soup...&quot; by William Heath\" width=\"551\" height=\"395\"><\/a><\/p>\n<h6 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by\/4.0\/%20\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">image via\u00a0Creative Commons<\/a><\/h6>\n<p>Things you want steam in:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Your nasal passages, to clear congestion<\/li>\n<li>Your bedroom, to add moisture to the air in the winter<\/li>\n<li>Your bathroom, to get wrinkles out of that delicate silk dress<\/li>\n<li>Your kitchen, to diffuse pleasant, cozy smells of a homecooked meal<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Things you don\u2019t want steam in:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Your vagina. For any reason.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Yes, there are people who don\u2019t intuitively grasp this. People who don\u2019t realize that<a href=\"http:\/\/www.birth-institute.com\/alternative-medicine-and-childbirth\/vaginal-steams\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">\u00a0\u201cforgotten ancient wisdom\u201d<\/a> is often forgotten for a reason. People who seriously countenance the idea that crouching over a hot pot of wet oregano is is somehow going to have a healing effect on your ovaries, which, last I checked, are <em>kind of up in there, you know?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>But it\u2019s ancient! It\u2019s wisdom! It\u2019s alternative medicine, and <span style=\"color: #58595b;\">is not intended to provide medical advice, so what could possibly go wrong? Assuming you manage to avoid the inevitable, horrible, hard-to-explain-at-the-ER-scalding,<\/span>\u00a0I can just imagine the scene. Husband comes home, hangs up his hat, pets the dog, and looks around for his wife. Takes a deep, appreciative sniff coming from the recesses of the house and calls out, \u201cHoney, whatever you\u2019re cooking, it smells great!\u201d And she says \u00a0. . .<\/p>\n<p>Well, you tell me what she says.<\/p>\n<p>Although, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.birth-institute.com\/alternative-medicine-and-childbirth\/vaginal-steams\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">giving the article a second read<\/a>, they may be on to something. You\u2019re supposed to spend at least a good hour sitting down undisturbed, wrapped up in a warm blanket, and you\u2019re then supposed to go right to bed and nobody is allowed to bother you, because you are anciently healing yourself. Alone. Without getting up. And it\u2019s recommended that you do this <em>three times<\/em> in the week before your period!<\/p>\n<p>You know, I also have some ancient wisdom. Vaginal steaming has been shown to be most effective when you bring a bottle of Tanqueray\u00a0with you, and the bedroom door locks. Don\u2019t argue with me! Tanqueray is herbal as all get out. I got yet ancient wisdom right here.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>image via\u00a0Creative Commons Things you want steam in: Your nasal passages, to clear congestion Your bedroom, to add moisture to the air in the winter Your bathroom, to get wrinkles out of that delicate silk dress Your kitchen, to diffuse pleasant, cozy smells of a homecooked meal Things you don\u2019t want steam in: Your vagina. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1533,"featured_media":15424,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[980],"class_list":["post-15423","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-i-cant-even"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Things You Don&#039;t Want Steam In: A Short List<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"image via\u00a0Creative Commons Things you want steam in: Your nasal passages, to clear congestion Your bedroom, to add moisture to the air in the winter Your\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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