{"id":3317,"date":"2011-02-25T09:36:35","date_gmt":"2011-02-25T14:36:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/?p=3317"},"modified":"2016-09-30T15:02:05","modified_gmt":"2016-09-30T20:02:05","slug":"the-jerk-returns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/2011\/02\/25\/the-jerk-returns\/","title":{"rendered":"The Jerk Returns!!!!!!!"},"content":{"rendered":"<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC \"-\/\/W3C\/\/DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional\/\/EN\" \"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/TR\/REC-html40\/loose.dtd\">\n<html><head><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><\/head><body><p>Oh, but first, come see <a href=\"http:\/\/www.ncregister.com\/blog\/not-like-that\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">my post at the Register: \u00a0\u201cNot like that!<\/a>\u201d The spirituality of <em>The Mummy<\/em>. \u00a0The post may be silly, but it\u2019s witness to a miracle: \u00a0I was able to figure out how to post videos on a new platform while propitiating <a title=\"Why we\u2019re dropping out of home\u00a0school\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/2010\/08\/24\/why-were-not-home-schooling-next-this-year\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\" decorated-link\">the feral kid<\/a>, who sits behind my back and makes me play the squish game while I write.<\/p>\n<p>But you don\u2019t want to hear about me; you want to hear about . \u00a0. . . THE JERK!<\/p>\n<p>To newer readers: \u00a0there is this guy. \u00a0He\u2019s called \u201cThe Jerk.\u201d \u00a0Simcha is not The Jerk, and The Jerk is not Simcha.<\/p>\n<p>Every once in a while, The Jerk writes something weird for Simcha \u2014 something like, oh, the Beatitudes for Jerks. \u00a0 And Simcha laughs and laughs and laughs, and gets ready to post it \u2014 and then wakes up in the middle of the night saying, \u201cOh my gosh, I can\u2019t post <em>that<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand, it is Simcha\u2019s blog, and \u00a0Simcha has already filled out the W-9 form for the <em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ncregister.com\/blog\/simcha-fisher\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">Register<\/a><\/em>. \u00a0As Mel Gibson said to his bottle of tequila, what\u2019s the worst that could possibly happen? \u00a0And so I, Simcha, present . . .<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/358\/2011\/02\/the-jerk.png\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3322\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/358\/2011\/02\/the-jerk.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"499\" height=\"127\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Blessed are the Orthodox, for their Kingdom of God is better than your Kingdom of God.<\/p>\n<p>Blessed are the Eastern Rite catholics, for their priests shall have kick-ass beards.<\/p>\n<p>Blessed are the Angry, for they shall win all internet arguments.<\/p>\n<p>Blessed are the Trads, for they shall fart in Latin.<\/p>\n<p>Blessed are the JOOOOOOOOOOS, for they shall inherit the media.<\/p>\n<p>Blessed are the Buddhists, for they have yet to piss me off today.<\/p>\n<p>Blessed are you when women scorn you, and make intelligent conversation in front of you, and wear pants around you, for yours is your mother\u2019s basement.<\/p>\n<p>Blessed are the the wives of Opus Dei men, for those gals need all the help they can get.<\/p>\n<p>Blessed be the ice maker.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:Arial;font-size:xx-small\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:Arial;font-size:x-small\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Oh, but first, come see my post at the Register: \u00a0\u201cNot like that!\u201d The spirituality of The Mummy. \u00a0The post may be silly, but it\u2019s witness to a miracle: \u00a0I was able to figure out how to post videos on a new platform while propitiating the feral kid, who sits behind my back and makes [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1558,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[40,88,105,111,4,121,125,142,177],"class_list":["post-3317","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-catholicism","tag-jews","tag-mel-gibson","tag-movies","tag-national-catholic-register","tag-opus-dei","tag-pants","tag-rad-trads","tag-the-jerk"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Jerk Returns!!!!!!!<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Oh, but first, come see my post at the Register: \u00a0&quot;Not like that!&quot; The spirituality of The Mummy. \u00a0The post may be silly, but it&#039;s witness to a miracle:\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/2011\/02\/25\/the-jerk-returns\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Jerk Returns!!!!!!!\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Oh, but first, come see my post at the Register: \u00a0&quot;Not like that!&quot; The spirituality of The Mummy. \u00a0The post may be silly, but it&#039;s witness to a miracle:\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/2011\/02\/25\/the-jerk-returns\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"I Have to Sit Down\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-02-25T14:36:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-09-30T20:02:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/files\/2011\/02\/the-jerk.png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Aline O&#039;Brien\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Aline O'Brien\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/2011\/02\/25\/the-jerk-returns\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/2011\/02\/25\/the-jerk-returns\/\",\"name\":\"The Jerk Returns!!!!!!!\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2011-02-25T14:36:35+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2016-09-30T20:02:05+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/#\/schema\/person\/e868ad2e15e4e77562feafb74f90630c\"},\"description\":\"Oh, but first, come see my post at the Register: \u00a0\\\"Not like that!\\\" The spirituality of The Mummy. \u00a0The post may be silly, but it's witness to a miracle:\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/2011\/02\/25\/the-jerk-returns\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/2011\/02\/25\/the-jerk-returns\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/2011\/02\/25\/the-jerk-returns\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"The Jerk Returns!!!!!!!\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/\",\"name\":\"I Have to Sit Down\",\"description\":\"Simcha Fisher\u2019s Blog\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/#\/schema\/person\/e868ad2e15e4e77562feafb74f90630c\",\"name\":\"Aline O'Brien\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/simchafisher\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/3d95c22e56ca512f7d780e6a36c466fc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/3d95c22e56ca512f7d780e6a36c466fc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Aline O'Brien\"},\"description\":\"Aline O\u2019Brien, known among her co-religionists as M. 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