She lists her five favorite Catholic devotions<\/a>, and she wants to know what mine (and yours) are.<\/p>\n Now, I\u2019m in kind of a spot here.<\/p>\n On one hand, the last six months or so have seen me practicing Catholic devotions in the same way as my three-year-old has been practicing personal hygiene:\u00a0 whining and screaming and making things so miserable for everyone that, more often than not, we just skip it and walk away disgusted.<\/p>\n On the other hand, whatever Lizzie wants, Lizzie gets. <\/a><\/p>\n Just to make things harder on myself, I\u2019m going to list seven<\/em>, not five, so I can do Seven Quick Takes.\u00a0 Maybe the extra two will count as doing mortification.\u00a0 That\u2019s a devotional, right?<\/p>\n Seven Favorite Catholic Devotions<\/strong><\/p>\n \u20131\u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n Novenas<\/a><\/p>\n I think of novenas as spritual interventions \u2014 not \u201cWe pray for divine intervention,\u201d but like:\u00a0 \u201cWell, do you think it might help if we held an intervention?\u201d\u00a0 A nine-step program, if you will.\u00a0 You don\u2019t set these things up for everyday problems.\u00a0 Nobody enjoys it, and we\u2019d all rather be somewhere else, but if this doesn\u2019t work, then nothing will.\u00a0 I kind of imagine the Holy Spirit slumping resignedly in a folding chair, drinking tepid coffee and willing at least to hear us out.<\/p>\n \u20132\u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n Adoration<\/a><\/p>\n It\u2019s been a long, long time.\u00a0 I\u2019ve made dozens of resolves to sign up again, but I keep putting it off.\u00a0 But when we were going, my husband and I signed up as a couple, and each went on alternate weeks.\u00a0 Just two hours a month each, but it Made A Difference.<\/p>\n Sometimes when you go into the chapel, you feel wonderful.\u00a0 You feel like you\u2019re coming home from a long and miserable trip, when everyone missed you terribly and is so<\/em> glad to see you.<\/p>\n And sometimes you feel like a bored, itchy hypocrite who has no business taking up space in this weird, demanding religion.\u00a0 But I heard someone compare Adoration to standing in the sun:\u00a0 you may not notice it happening, but it will surely change you.<\/p>\n \u20133\u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n Scriptural Rosary<\/a><\/p>\n This is not so much a favorite devotion as an inescapable one.\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of like taking your vitamins:\u00a0 it\u2019s so easy, and it couldn\u2019t hurt, so you might as well just do it every night.\u00a0 Gulp.<\/p>\n My kids enjoy it (we only do one decade a night) because eventually they will get to lead us in praying The Ascension.\u00a0 The little rats read \u201c\u2018Baptize them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,'\u201d and then they deliberately pause<\/em> before continuing with \u201cHail Mary . . .\u201d so they can make one or two inattentive people think we\u2019re up to the Glory Be already.\u00a0 They also like to trap house guests that way.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that nice?\u00a0 They\u2019re wonderful children.<\/p>\n \u20134\u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n The Chaplet of Transition in Labor<\/p>\n When I\u2019m in labor, I offer up the pain for people who suffer infertility.\u00a0 That sounds a lot more pious than it really is.\u00a0 Really, the only good thing about delivering babies is that, for once, you have something truly horrible to offer up\u2013but, unlike other sacrifices, such as fasting or doing good works, you can\u2019t get out of it.\u00a0 So you might as well try and get something out of it (besides the baby, I mean).\u00a0 Also \u201cFor the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us, and on the whole world<\/a>\u201d is nice and rhythmic, and helps you breathe steadily.<\/p>\n \u20135\u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n \u05d1\u05e8\u05d5\u05da \u05d0\u05ea\u05d4 \u05d4\u2019 \u05d0\u2011\u05dc\u05d5\u05d4\u05d9\u05e0\u05d5 \u05de\u05dc\u05da \u05d4\u05e2\u05d5\u05dc\u05dd, \u05e9\u05d4\u05db\u05dc \u05e0\u05d4\u05d9\u05d4 \u05d1\u05d3\u05d1\u05e8\u05d5.\u200f<\/p>\n Ha ha, got you there!\u00a0 When I was little, we used to say the Hebrew blessing before meals (later, I found out it was Hebrew with a Brooklyn accent), and then we\u2019d say it in English:\u00a0 \u201cBlessed art Thou, o Lord our God, King of the universe, by Whose word all things exist.\u201d\u00a0 It has such a wonderful rhythm of certainty at the end:\u00a0 \u201cBy Whose word All.\u00a0 Things.\u00a0 Exist.\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how to read Hebrew (although I did once advise someone on whether or not her mezuzah<\/a> was upside down, so I know that much), but here is a transliteration of the prayer: Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu Melekh ha\u2011olam, she\u2011hakol nih\u2019ye bidvaro;<\/em> and here is\u00a0 someone saying it<\/a>.<\/p>\n There are actually several different prayers before meals<\/a>, depending on what kind of food you will be eating.\u00a0 This may very well be technically the wrong prayer to use every day, but, you know, there\u2019s a New Covenant and all.\u00a0 You\u2019re covered.<\/p>\n \u20136\u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n Palming it Off On Someone Else<\/p>\n I thought it was hilarious when Mark Shea recently explained<\/a> that he started posting prayer requests on his blog<\/a><\/p>\n largely because I feel inept as an intercessory pray-er, and so had a hope that maybe somebody out there in the audience might have the charism I lack when it comes to having a clue how to pray. I thought I was being very clever fobbing this off on others; but, of course, what I stupidly failed to foresee was that this would inevitably result in lots more prayer requests for everything under the sun. I continue to post them, along with my fumbling two cents in the courts of the Almighty, advising Him on how to proceed. I haven\u2019t the slightest clue whether my prayers do a lick of good for the person making the prayer request. But I figure that if I mix my prayers in with others who are closer to the Throne, then maybe they\u2019ll get lost in the pack and I will look like I know what I\u2019m doing.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I\u2019m lazy enough to pass along a prayer request before actually praying about it myself, but scrupulous enough to feel bad about it; so generally, the act of making it public is enough to help me to remember to say at least a quickie prayer myself.\u00a0 Whereas if I only realize I should be praying for something, I\u2019m all too prone to mistaking \u201cI should pray about this\u201d for actually praying.\u00a0 Maybe God, in his generosity, accepts even good intentions as prayer, but I\u2019m not counting on it.<\/p>\n \u20137\u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n Act of Contrition<\/p>\n I love the Church so much.\u00a0 She knows that we\u2019re so lame, so stupid, so weak and lazy that not only do we have to be required to go to confession once a year, but we\u00a0 need help figuring out how to say \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d\u00a0 Isn\u2019t it great to have those words?\u00a0 They say it all \u2014 everything you\u2019re thinking, and everything you ought to be thinking \u2014 and it feels so good to say them.<\/p>\n O my god, I am truly sorry for having offended Thee.\u00a0 I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of Hell, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love.\u00a0 I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin.<\/em><\/p>\n Whew.<\/em> I mean, Amen.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Oh, wait!\u00a0 Here\u2019s a bonus one.<\/p>\n \u20138\u2013<\/p>\n A Strange Child\u2019s Prayer<\/p>\n When my oldest daughter was about four, she wrote a prayer of her own.\u00a0\u00a0 She understood the gerneral lingo, if nothing else.\u00a0 I wish I could find the baby book for this General Act of Praying, but the ended with:\u00a0 \u201cHoly, holy, holy.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t it holy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2013<\/p>\n Okay, so now I\u2019m tagging Hallie from Betty Beguiles<\/a>, Megan from\u00a0 Sorta Crunchy<\/a>, Lisa from Sweet Family Times<\/a>, Kristen from St. Monica\u2019s Bridge<\/a>, and Becca from The Hollow<\/a>.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/358\/2010\/08\/praying_mantis_india1.jpg\")
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