I used to work occasionally at an Encore Books store — back in the ’90s, when brick and mortar bookstore chains were still a thing (before Borders and Barnes & Noble ate all the other chains, and before Amazon ate Borders and Barnes & Noble).
I always volunteered for inventory duty because they always provided free pizza after we finished, and back then I was at a point in life when free pizza was a financially significant incentive.* A couple dozen of us would show up at a store at 6 am and we’d physically count every book on the shelves with a hand-scanner. Every. Single. Book. Every copy of every title in every section. Every magazine. Every book-mark, map, keychain and knick-knack.
That could get tedious, so we made our own fun by playing the “In My Pants” game. This was, simply, the game of adding the phrase “… in my pants” to the end of every title we scanned. In the proper frame of mind — which is, admittedly, somewhat juvenile — this could keep us laughing through the whole process as people in the various sections of the store called out the names of the books they were scanning.
“The Very Hungry Caterpillar.” “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.” “The Sword of Shannara.” “A Man in Full.” “The Dark Tower.” “The Pokey Little Puppy.” “The Firm.”
Yes, I know. But we thought it was funny.
Anyway, I was disappointed to realize that my own sort-of-book has one of those titles that doesn’t really work for this game. “The Anti-Christ Handbook … in my pants.” Meh.
The sub-title works a bit better: “The Horror and Hilarity of Left Behind … in my pants.” But it’s still not a really good one — not the sort of delightful find we’d have shouted out to one another during inventory.
I have to admit that LaHaye and Jenkins and Tyndale Press offer far more promising contributions to the IMP game with the titles of the Left Behind series itself:
- Nicolae: The Rise of Antichrist … in my pants.
- Soul Harvest … in my pants.
- Apollyon: The Destroyer Is Unleashed … in my pants.
- The Indwelling: The Beast Takes Possession …
- The Mark …
- Desecration …
- The Remnant …
- Glorious Appearing …
- The Rising …
All of those work much, much better for the game than “The Anti-Christ Handbook.”
Amazon “shelves” every book and e-book in two categories. The Anti-Christ Handbook is thus listed in both “Christian Theology: Eschatology” and in “Humor: Religion.” The latter category is slim pickings — a few titles that include either humor or religion, quite a few that offer very little of either, and a precious few that actually offer both.
But the “eschatology” section is quite large, and it offers quite a few titles that remind me of why the IMP game was so much fun.
- Heaven Is for Real …
- The Islamic Antichrist …
- Surprised by Hope …
- My Journey to Heaven …
- 90 Minutes in Heaven …
- 23 Minutes in Hell …
- Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God …
- The Coming Prince …
- Signs of the Second Coming …
- Perfect Ending …
- Come Out of Her, My People …
- What on Earth Is Happening …?
- The Final Quest …
- The Torch and the Sword …
- Storm Warning …
- Countdown to the Apocalypse …
- Unleashing the Beast …
- Blood Moons …
- The Fire That Consumes …
- Implosion …
As far as the IMP game goes, The Anti-Christ Handbook really can’t compete with any of those.
But for the low, low price of just $3.99, I think it’s still a pretty good deal.
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* OK, fine — free pizza is still a financially significant incentive. But now, at least, I can afford not to be the guy who puts those last few leftover slices into a box to take home.
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