Volume 2 of The Anti-Christ Handbook<\/a>, completing all the posts on the first Left Behind book, is also now available.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nLeft Behind,<\/i> pp. 242-247<\/b><\/p>\n
Nicolae Carpathescu, er, sorry, Carpathia,<\/i> the new president of Romania and Antichrist-in-waiting, is about to speak at the United Nations.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not clear why<\/i> he\u2019s there, or why anyone should be particularly interested in what he might have to say. He isn\u2019t an expert in any particular field. He\u2019s had less than a week of experience as a national leader.<\/p>\n
Carpathia has been described as the \u201cconsummate politician,\u201d but in his short career so far we\u2019ve only seen him make one political decision and that was a disaster. Newly elected to lead his crisis-stricken nation, he decides \u2014 indefensibly \u2014 to leave,<\/i> taking off to America. And once in America, he doesn\u2019t head to Washington, to the superpower\u2019s seat of power, but instead he goes to the UN. There he will meet with a room full of ambassadors \u2014 officials empowered to speak but not to decide or to act.<\/p>\n
Strangely, the delegations from every nation seem to have remained there, in New York. Like Nicolae, they seem not to realize that their first responsibility, post-Event, should have been to return home.<\/i> That\u2019s where they\u2019re needed. But instead they\u2019re here, on the East Side of Manhattan doing \u2026 well, it\u2019s not really clear what<\/i> they\u2019re doing. Today, arbitrarily, they\u2019re gathering to hear a speech from some kid from Romania.<\/p>\nCarpathia \u2026 stood relaxed and smiling before speaking extemporaneously. Not only did he not use notes, but he also never hesitated, misspoke, or took his eyes off his audience.<\/p>\n
He spoke earnestly, with passion, with a frequent smile, and with occasional, appropriate humor. He mentioned respectfully that he was aware that it had not been a full week yet since the disappearance of millions all over the world, including many who would have been \u201cin this very room.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Our authors neglect to provide any examples of his occasional, appropriate humor, but it\u2019s good to know that in a world still traumatized by shock and grief, Nic is able to keep smiling and to give others something to chuckle over as well. The reference there to the \u201cmillions\u201d of disappeared confirms that LaHaye and Jenkins do not count most of the world\u2019s 2.1 billion Christians as Real True believers. But they seem to be forgetting, yet again, that their Rapture also included all of the world\u2019s children, which means that \u201cmillions\u201d should be \u201cbillions\u201d even before counting a single adult RTC. This seems like a particularly cruel fact to forget about at the site that also houses the headquarters of UNICEF.<\/p>\n
Carpathia spoke primarily in perfect English with only a hint of a Romanian accent. He used no contractions and enunciated every syllable of every word. Once again he employed all nine languages with which he was fluent, each time translating himself into English.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Now I\u2019m not so much picturing a young Robert Redford as I am a young Brent Spiner.<\/p>\n
In one of the most touching scenes Buck had ever witnessed \u2026<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
It needs to be said: Never, ever<\/i> start a sentence that way.<\/p>\nIn one of the most touching scenes Buck had ever witnessed, Carpathia began by announcing that he was humbled and moved to visit \u201cfor the first time this historic site, where nation after nation has set its sights. One by one they have come from all over the globe on pilgrimages as sacred as any to the Holy Lands, exposing their faces to the heat of the rising sun.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Geography, apparently, is not Carpathia\u2019s forte.<\/i> New York City is, indeed, on the East Coast but it is not therefore a part of the East. I suppose, though, that if you flew into Newark, your face might be exposed \u201cto the heat of the rising sun\u201d as you traveled to the U.N. from New Jersey.<\/p>\n\u201cOur forebears were thinking globally long before I was born,\u201d Carpathia said. \u201cIn 1944, the year the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank were established, this great host nation, the United States of America, along with the British Commonwealth and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, met at the famous Dumbarton Oaks Conference to propose the birth of this body.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
His whole speech is like this \u2014 dull, stilted and full of the trivia of history while oblivious to its meaning. The U.S., Britain and the USSR were, indeed, \u201cthinking globally\u201d in 1944, but neither Little Nicky nor the authors seems to realize why. Carpathia\u2019s speech sounds a bit like a lazy schoolchild\u2019s book report \u2014 the kind where the kid avoids learning anything at all about the big picture, instead just listing a bunch of names and dates copied out of the World Book Encyclopedia<\/i> and wrapped up with a ridiculously transparent bit of padding.<\/p>\nDisplaying his grasp of history and his photographic memory of dates and places, Carpathia intoned, \u201cFrom its official birth on October 24, 1945, and that first meeting of your General Assembly in London, January 10, 1946, to this day, tribes and nations have come together to pledge their wholehearted commitment to peace, brotherhood and the global community.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
This, keep in mind, is being presented as stirring oratory. \u201cBuck was tired and felt grimy wearing two-day-old clothes,\u201d L&J write. \u201cBut his worries were a distant memory as Carpathia moved along.\u201d<\/p>\n
And what, exactly, does Carpathia say that causes Buck to forget his worries? He recites the names of the member states of the United Nations. Alphabetically.<\/i><\/p>\n
No, really.<\/p>\n
He began in almost a whisper, \u201cFrom lands distant and near they have come: from Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria \u2026\u201d He continued, his voice rising and falling dramatically with the careful pronunciation of the name of each member country of the United Nations. Buck sensed a passion, a love for these countries and the ideals of the U.N. Carpathia was clearly moved as he plunged on, listing country after country, not droning but neither in any hurry.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
It\u2019s like the opening ceremony of the Olympics, only without the music and the pageantry, and with a bunch of diplomatic funtionaries instead of the world\u2019s finest athletes. You can read a transcript of this part of Carpathia\u2019s speech in the CIA World Factbook<\/a><\/i> \u2014 just click on the \u201cSelect a Country or Location\u201d menu bar and scroll down. Carpathia\u2019s \u201cspeech,\u201d in other words, is simply the Table of Contents for a world atlas.<\/p>\n![\"Carpathia's](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/52\/2016\/09\/WorldAtlas.jpg\")
Carpathia\u2019s \u201cdramatic\u201d speech may have been plagiarized from the index of this book.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\nGreat actors are sometimes said to be so captivating, so skilled at speaking, that \u201cYou could listen to them read the phone book.\u201d But that compliment isn\u2019t meant to be taken so literally. Think of any of the great voices about whom this has been said \u2014 Orson Welles, James Earl Jones, Judi Dench \u2014 and try to imagine them capturing and keeping your attention by reciting this list. It\u2019s inconceivable. No one<\/i> could make such a recitation bearable, let alone enthralling. And attempting to recite this list \u201cdramatically\u201d could only result in giggle-inducing silliness. (Go ahead and try it \u2014 click over to the Factbook and read that list, out loud and dramatically.<\/i> Emote. You\u2019ll be laughing before you even get to Djibouti.)<\/p>\n
A charitable interpretation here would be to read the banality of Carpathia\u2019s \u201cspeech\u201d as intentional. Perhaps L&J meant to demonstrate his awesome charisma by showing the effect he is able to have on his listeners even while mindlessly parroting a list of disconnected dates and facts laced together with vapid clich\u00e9s. But the context of the rest of the chapter won\u2019t allow for such a subtle interpretation. The substance of his speech is clearly intended to be seen as inspiring, and L&J portray Carpathia\u2019s audience as being justifiably moved by what they have heard. His words are, in themselves, intended to be read as emotionally stirring, and it\u2019s not merely his supernatural, anticharismatic aura that prevents his listeners from walking out muttering that this Romanian idiot is wasting everyone\u2019s time thinking he\u2019s hot stuff because he has the building directory memorized.<\/p>\n
A minute into his list, representatives noticed that with each name, someone from that country rose in dignity and stood erect, as if voting anew for peace among nations. Carpathia smiled and nodded at each as they rose, and nearly every country was represented. Because of the cosmic trauma the world had endured, they had come looking for answers, for help, for support. Now they had been given the opportunity to take their stand once again. \u2026<\/p>\n
By the time he got into the S<\/i>s in his alphabetical listing, those standing had begun to quietly applaud each new country mentioned. It was a dignified, powerful thing, this show of respect and admiration, this re-welcome into the global village. \u2026<\/p>\n
Buck found himself eager to stand as well, ruing the fact that his country was near the end of the alphabet, but feeling pride and anticipation welling up within him. As more and more countries were named and their people stood proudly, the applause grew louder, merely because of the increased numbers. Carpathia was up to the task, his voice growing more emotional and powerful with each new country name.<\/p>\n
On and on he thundered as people stood and clapped. \u201cSomalia! South Africa! Spain! Sri Lanka! Sudan! Suriname! Swaziland! Sweden! Syria!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Members of the Afghan delegation, by this point, have to be kicking themselves for starting this whole stand-and-clap business. The Zimbabweans, meanwhile, are trying to figure out if they still have time to run to the bathroom and get back before their name is called since they\u2019ve had to go since somewhere around Burundi.<\/p>\n
More than five minutes into the recitation, Carpathia had not missed a beat. He had never once hesitated, stammered or mispronounced a syllable. \u2026<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
This would actually be a good time for him to hesitate, stammer and miss a beat, because right after \u201cSyria!\u201d comes \u201cTaiwan!\u201d \u2014 and whether he says it or not, he\u2019s going to provoke some kind of international incident.<\/p>\n
Buck was on the edge of his seat as the speaker swept through the T<\/i>s and reached \u201cUganda! Ukraine! The United Arab Emirates! The United Kingdom! The United States of America!\u201d And Buck leaped to his feet, Steve right with him, along with dozens of other members of the press.<\/p>\n
\u2026 With such electricity and power in the simple naming of all the countries who had longed to be united with each other, Carpathia had brought the entire crowd to its feet in full voice and applause, press and representative alike. \u2026<\/p>\n
And there was more \u2026<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Oh, good. There\u2019s more. What\u2019s next, a list of state birds? No, something even worse:<\/p>\n
Over the next half hour he \u2026 casually worked in the name of every secretary-general from Trygve Lie of Norway to Ngumo and mentioned their terms of office not just by year but also by specific day and date of their installation and conclusion. \u2026 Then he swept through the 18 U.N. agencies, mentioning every one, its current director, and its headquarters city.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
One of those agencies, again, is UNICEF. I\u2019m not sure which is more cruelly callous \u2014 to discuss that agency in the current context without any<\/i> reference to the world\u2019s missing children, or to subject an audience to a speech in which he says things like \u201cBoutros Boutros-Ghali served as secretary-general from January of 1992 until December of 1996\u201d in nine languages.<\/i><\/p>\n
The sentence above is astounding on its own, but even more terrifyingly awful in the context of the complete paragraph:<\/p>\n
Then he swept through the 18 U.N. agencies, mentioning every one, its current director, and its headquarters city. This was an amazing display, and suddenly it was no wonder this man had risen so quickly in his own nation, no wonder the previous leader had stepped aside. No wonder New York had already embraced him.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
How could New York not<\/i> embrace him?<\/p>\n
\u201cHoney, thanks to the disappearances, I was finally able to get tickets to Wicked!<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNever mind that now \u2014 I\u2019d rather go see this Romanian fellow who can recite trivia about all 18 U.N. agencies!\u201d<\/p>\n
After this, Buck knew, Nicolae Carpathia would be embraced by all of America. And then the world.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
The connotations of that \u201cAnd then the world\u201d only underscores how wretchedly inept this whole chapter has been. Carpathia\u2019s rise should be far more ominous and creepy, more unsettling.<\/p>\n
Bob Fosse knew how to do this scene.<\/p>\n
A fresh-faced lad stands in the sunshine and begins to sing in an angelic voice. The words of his song, at first, seem innocent, but there\u2019s a sense of foreboding as the camera pans slowly down to reveal his smartly pressed uniform. Slowly, inexorably, the bucolic scene grows darker and uglier, building to a fierce and horrifying crescendo.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This, keep in mind, is being presented as stirring oratory. “Buck was tired and felt grimy wearing two-day-old clothes,” L&J write. “But his worries were a distant memory as Carpathia moved along.” And what, exactly, does Carpathia say that causes Buck to forget his worries? He recites the names of the member states of the United Nations. Alphabetically. No, really.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":141,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[238],"class_list":["post-33069","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-left-behind"],"yoast_head":"\n
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A former managing editor of Prism magazine, Fred worked in the parachurch nonprofit world for a decade and then for a decade in the newspaper biz. He began blogging in 2002. In 2003 he began writing a review of the best-selling Left Behind series. Eight years later he still hasn\u2019t finished reviewing the second book of that series and the experience has left him a broken shell of a man. Fred knows the difference between the possessive \u201cits\u201d and the contraction \u201cit\u2019s,\u201d and he is acutely bothered when others mistakenly confuse the two, yet he himself just kind of instinctively types the apostrophe whether or not it belongs there. Some feel this is his greatest hypocrisy, but those who know him better know better. He\u2019s guilty of much greater hypocrisies. Jesus loves Fred far more than Fred loves Jesus, but he at least has the decency to recognize the unfairness of that lopsided relationship and he has long wished that he were better at maybe kind of sort of doing something more to correct that some day. A Baptist, an amateur, a Gen-Xer, a Gemini and a Mets fan, Fred lives in Southeastern Pennsylvania with his wife and two teenage daughters. You can reach him via email at slacktivist at hotmail dot com.\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/author\/fredclark1\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"LBCF, No. 99: 'Boutros Boutros Carpathia 2'","description":"This, keep in mind, is being presented as stirring oratory. \"Buck was tired and felt grimy wearing two-day-old clothes,\" L&J write. \"But his worries were a distant memory as Carpathia moved along.\" And what, exactly, does Carpathia say that causes Buck to forget his worries? 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A former managing editor of Prism magazine, Fred worked in the parachurch nonprofit world for a decade and then for a decade in the newspaper biz. He began blogging in 2002. In 2003 he began writing a review of the best-selling Left Behind series. Eight years later he still hasn\u2019t finished reviewing the second book of that series and the experience has left him a broken shell of a man. Fred knows the difference between the possessive \u201cits\u201d and the contraction \u201cit\u2019s,\u201d and he is acutely bothered when others mistakenly confuse the two, yet he himself just kind of instinctively types the apostrophe whether or not it belongs there. Some feel this is his greatest hypocrisy, but those who know him better know better. He\u2019s guilty of much greater hypocrisies. Jesus loves Fred far more than Fred loves Jesus, but he at least has the decency to recognize the unfairness of that lopsided relationship and he has long wished that he were better at maybe kind of sort of doing something more to correct that some day. A Baptist, an amateur, a Gen-Xer, a Gemini and a Mets fan, Fred lives in Southeastern Pennsylvania with his wife and two teenage daughters. You can reach him via email at slacktivist at hotmail dot com.","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/author\/fredclark1\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33069","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/141"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33069"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33069\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33069"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33069"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33069"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}