Have a sweet Christmas!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\nEven without Christmas creep, holidays skew early at the Big Box where I work. We\u2019re a home improvement chain, so\u00a0most of what we sell holiday-wise is decorations \u2014 lights and lawn displays and such (plus tons of extension cords and timers, etc.). Christmas-gift<\/em>\u00a0shopping starts later, and lasts all the way up until Christmas Eve,* but Christmas-decoration<\/em>\u00a0shopping can\u2019t wait until Black Friday because people want to have their Christmas decorations already in place as soon as Thanksgiving ends.<\/p>\nThe same is true for Halloween decorations. We sell a\u00a0lot<\/em>\u00a0of those \u2014\u00a0rubber skeletons and animatronic witches, glittery spiders with LED eyes \u2014 but by a week or so before Halloween those sales slow down to a trickle. After all, if you\u2019re going to invest in purple and orange lights and fake cobwebs and a giant plastic skeleton\u00a0that springs into motion to startle trick-or-treaters, then you probably don\u2019t want those up for just one or two nights. So for us, as soon as the Halloween [stuff] slows down we start replacing it with Christmas [stuff]. In mid-October<\/em>.<\/em><\/p>\nSo even though Thanksgiving isn\u2019t until next week, Christmas is already in full-swing at the Big Box. I\u2019ve been stocking stockings and lights and artificial trees and lawn ornaments and wreaths all week. (And yes, I showered, but I\u2019ve\u00a0still<\/em>\u00a0got red and green glitter in my hair. Occupational hazard.)<\/p>\nOur Christmas decorations are sold beneath big signs that say \u201cChristmas Decorations,\u201d which may be helpful to anyone who otherwise failed to notice the small forest of brightly lit plastic trees and glowing wreaths and the life-size animatronic Santa who shouts \u201cHo ho ho, Merrrrrrrry Christmas!\u201d whenever anyone gets within a few feet of it (meaning, more or less, that it shouts this\u00a0constantly<\/em>\u00a0if you\u2019re re-stocking Christmas\u00a0[stuff] anywhere in his vicinity). Smaller signs throughout the store label the various items individually: \u201cChristmas tree,\u201d \u201cChristmas wreath,\u201d \u201cChristmas lights.\u201d Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S. The word is everywhere. It is inescapable.<\/p>\nThat\u2019s true at the Big Box, and also at pretty much every other Big Box. And at Target, and Nordstrom, and the Dollar Store.<\/p>\n
This is a big part of why those of us who work retail often say \u201cHappy Holidays\u201d rather than \u201cMerry Christmas.\u201d Customers are already beset on all sides with product and signage declaring \u201cMerry Christmas,\u201d restating that phrase would be redundant. And, of course, \u201cHappy Holidays\u201d \u2014 plural<\/em>\u00a0\u2014 makes more sense than \u201cMerry Christmas\u201d when it\u2019s only mid-October and your greetings need to also cover Halloween, Armistice Day, Thanksgiving, and Mark Twain\u2019s Birthday, after which there\u2019s still several weeks before Christmas and Hannukah and Solstice actually arrive, followed shortly thereafter by yet another holiday, New Year\u2019s.<\/p>\n\u201cHappy Holidays\u201d also serves as a bit of a sheepish apology for retail\u2019s Christmas creep. For every offense-seeking, Fox-addled foot-soldier of the culture wars eager to feign indignation over a retail clerk not wishing them an explicitly sectarian \u201cMerry Christmas,\u201d there are dozens of\u00a0normal<\/em>\u00a0people \u2014 well-adjusted, decent folks \u2014 who\u00a0find all of our Pre-Week-Before-Black-Friday Christmas Shopping pressure a bit overly aggressive. \u201cHappy Holidays\u201d is, in part, a way of acknowledging that \u2014 an unspoken, \u201cYes, I know, we\u2019re barraging you with Christmas decorations and the World Series isn\u2019t until next week. Sorry about that.\u201d<\/p>\nWe do also say \u201cMerry Christmas\u201d quite a bit. Always have and always will, all throughout the retail biz. Not in October, or in November, or before Pearl Harbor Day, but in the days just before Christmas. This is normal. This is how it works among us humans, universally, in non-retail settings. If you work in an office, you don\u2019t wish your co-workers \u201cMerry Christmas!\u201d when you leave every evening of every work-day throughout the entire last quarter of the year. You say this only when someone\u2019s leaving and you won\u2019t see them again\u00a0until Christmas<\/em>. You\u2019ve probably even said that exact phrase, many times, \u201cIf I don\u2019t see you before then,<\/em>\u00a0Merry Christmas!\u201d<\/p>\nImagine if you didn\u2019t do that. Imagine if you started wishing all your co-workers a cheery, aggressively pious \u201cMerry Christmas\u201d every day starting in late September, as soon as Walgreen\u2019s started replacing back-to-school supplies with plastic candy canes filled with Hershey\u2019s kisses in red and green foil.<\/p>\n
Your co-workers wouldn\u2019t be happy about that. It would not fill them with Christmas cheer. Nor would it make them think that you were filled with Christmas cheer. They wouldn\u2019t think of you as \u201cThat person with such great Christmas spirit!\u201d but rather as \u201cThat\u00a0weirdo<\/em>. I mean, what\u2019s\u00a0with<\/em>\u00a0them? Jeez, they\u2019re worse than Sharon in accounting with the garland all over her cubicle, and the apple-cinnamon Glade thing, and the Christmas music? She\u2019s got, like, 200 of those little Christmas Minion figurines all over her desk. Minions are so 2016,\u00a0Sharon<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\nThe only thing worse than being the person who did that would be being the person who pretends to be all offended that everybody else isn\u2019t doing that.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s be totally clear on that point. All of you angry shock-troops who\u00a0fantasize you\u2019re on the front lines against\u00a0some imaginary\u00a0\u201cWar on Christmas\u201d? All of you folks who (unconvincingly) pretend to be appalled and offended that some retail clerk says \u201cHappy Holidays\u201d instead of \u201cMerry Christmas\u201d? We see you. We see you coming, and we dread your arrival. We dread your presence during the Christmas season and we dread your presence the rest of the year.<\/p>\n
Everybody does. This is a direct consequence of what you have chosen to become. You have worked hard to make yourself utterly unlikeable to everyone you encounter and thus \u2014 unsurprisingly \u2014 no one likes you. No one.<\/p>\n
No, not even your family members who have to pretend to like you. They\u2019re embarrassed by your behavior. Mortified. They mouth apologies to the rest of the world behind your back. Ask anyone in retail. Or in the restaurant biz, or hospitality, or any other form of customer service and they\u2019ll all tell you the same thing. \u201cNo, of course not,\u201d they\u2019ll say. \u201cYour children\/friends\/co-workers were\u00a0absolutely not<\/em>\u00a0mouthing silent apologies for your behavior behind your back.\u201d<\/p>\nAnd then, as soon as you look away, they\u2019ll exchange winks and eye-rolls and knowing looks with those same children\/friends\/co-workers because this is how the entire world treats you all the time because they all know you\u2019re not mature or stable or happy enough to handle reality. It\u2019s not that everyone\u2019s against you, but that everyone is aware that you\u2019re against them. Because this is what you\u2019ve told them and shown them on every occasion, including your bizarre insistence on taking offense at their wishes of\u00a0happiness<\/em>\u00a0for you during the holidays.<\/p>\nBut so anyway, tonight I\u2019ll be knee-deep in Christmas [stuff] prepping for tomorrow \u2014 the Friday before Black Friday. And this weekend I\u2019ll be snagging some OT prepping for actual Black Friday, and taking a deep breath before plunging into the full-on Christmas frenzy, racing to keep the Christmas [stuff] on the shelves from now until the first day of winter.<\/p>\n
\u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013<\/p>\n
* I apologize for the way the Big Box insists on gendering our selection of special deals and bargains for the holidays. \u201cThe power tools that Dad wants\u201d and such. It\u2019s quite likely Mom would also like that nice cordless DeWalt. That\u2019s how it works here \u2014 the \u2018vixen owns and uses a much more impressive set of power tools than I\u2019ve got. Having said that, though, let me also note that this selection of deals is also pretty good. More saving, more etc. Stop on by, we\u2019ll hook you up.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It’s beginning to look a lot like<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":141,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-61708","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
11\/16 Flashback: If I don't see you before then, Happy Holidays<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It's beginning to look a lot like\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/2022\/11\/16\/11-16-flashback-if-i-dont-see-you-before-then-happy-holidays\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"11\/16 Flashback: If I don't see you before then, Happy Holidays\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It's beginning to look a lot like\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/2022\/11\/16\/11-16-flashback-if-i-dont-see-you-before-then-happy-holidays\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"slacktivist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-11-16T12:52:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/52\/2022\/11\/PowerMan.jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Fred Clark\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Fred Clark\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/2022\/11\/16\/11-16-flashback-if-i-dont-see-you-before-then-happy-holidays\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/2022\/11\/16\/11-16-flashback-if-i-dont-see-you-before-then-happy-holidays\/\",\"name\":\"11\/16 Flashback: If I don't see you before then, Happy Holidays\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2022-11-16T12:52:49+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-11-16T12:52:49+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/#\/schema\/person\/32666545e535b697afb93d9848dcfc47\"},\"description\":\"It's beginning to look a lot like\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/2022\/11\/16\/11-16-flashback-if-i-dont-see-you-before-then-happy-holidays\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/2022\/11\/16\/11-16-flashback-if-i-dont-see-you-before-then-happy-holidays\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/2022\/11\/16\/11-16-flashback-if-i-dont-see-you-before-then-happy-holidays\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"11\/16 Flashback: If I don’t see you before then, Happy Holidays\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/\",\"name\":\"slacktivist\",\"description\":\""Test everything; hold fast to what is good."\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/#\/schema\/person\/32666545e535b697afb93d9848dcfc47\",\"name\":\"Fred Clark\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/7083ccd514d4fb8d5043041756d766a0?s=96&d=identicon&r=pg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/7083ccd514d4fb8d5043041756d766a0?s=96&d=identicon&r=pg\",\"caption\":\"Fred Clark\"},\"description\":\"Fred Clark is a graduate of Eastern Baptist Theological Seminary (now called Palmer Seminary), of Eastern College (now called Eastern University) and of the fundamentalist Timothy Christian High School (still fundamentalist and still called Timothy Christian High School, but not really thrilled to have a snarky, liberal, tree-hugging, pro-choice, pro-GLBT, peacenik, commie, evolutionist as such a vocal alumnus). A former managing editor of Prism magazine, Fred worked in the parachurch nonprofit world for a decade and then for a decade in the newspaper biz. He began blogging in 2002. In 2003 he began writing a review of the best-selling Left Behind series. Eight years later he still hasn\u2019t finished reviewing the second book of that series and the experience has left him a broken shell of a man. Fred knows the difference between the possessive \u201cits\u201d and the contraction \u201cit\u2019s,\u201d and he is acutely bothered when others mistakenly confuse the two, yet he himself just kind of instinctively types the apostrophe whether or not it belongs there. Some feel this is his greatest hypocrisy, but those who know him better know better. He\u2019s guilty of much greater hypocrisies. Jesus loves Fred far more than Fred loves Jesus, but he at least has the decency to recognize the unfairness of that lopsided relationship and he has long wished that he were better at maybe kind of sort of doing something more to correct that some day. A Baptist, an amateur, a Gen-Xer, a Gemini and a Mets fan, Fred lives in Southeastern Pennsylvania with his wife and two teenage daughters. 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A former managing editor of Prism magazine, Fred worked in the parachurch nonprofit world for a decade and then for a decade in the newspaper biz. He began blogging in 2002. In 2003 he began writing a review of the best-selling Left Behind series. Eight years later he still hasn\u2019t finished reviewing the second book of that series and the experience has left him a broken shell of a man. Fred knows the difference between the possessive \u201cits\u201d and the contraction \u201cit\u2019s,\u201d and he is acutely bothered when others mistakenly confuse the two, yet he himself just kind of instinctively types the apostrophe whether or not it belongs there. Some feel this is his greatest hypocrisy, but those who know him better know better. He\u2019s guilty of much greater hypocrisies. Jesus loves Fred far more than Fred loves Jesus, but he at least has the decency to recognize the unfairness of that lopsided relationship and he has long wished that he were better at maybe kind of sort of doing something more to correct that some day. A Baptist, an amateur, a Gen-Xer, a Gemini and a Mets fan, Fred lives in Southeastern Pennsylvania with his wife and two teenage daughters. 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