{"id":9724,"date":"2012-08-16T08:50:12","date_gmt":"2012-08-16T12:50:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/?p=9724"},"modified":"2012-08-16T08:50:12","modified_gmt":"2012-08-16T12:50:12","slug":"a-hermeneutic-walks-into-a-bar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/slacktivist\/2012\/08\/16\/a-hermeneutic-walks-into-a-bar\/","title":{"rendered":"A hermeneutic walks into a bar …"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

The story is just stupid, OK?<\/p>\n

First off, gorillas can\u2019t talk.<\/em> Duh. So, like, what?<\/em> You actually believe in talking gorillas? That makes you a moron. You and everybody else who tells this story. And everybody who listens to it. You\u2019re all morons.<\/p>\n

Plus, do you realize how terrifying<\/em> this would be? How dangerous? A gorilla could kill a room full of people by accident<\/em>. Here you\u2019ve got a huge, frightened, confused animal thrust into a strange situation it couldn\u2019t possibly comprehend. It\u2019s gonna be aggressive. It\u2019s gonna be violent. It\u2019s gonna go ape.<\/em><\/p>\n

So do you really think the smart thing to do would be to approach<\/em> the gorilla? To try to talk<\/em> to it? That\u2019s a great way to get yourself killed.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s why this story isn\u2019t just stupid, it\u2019s also irresponsible. If anybody is stupid enough to take your stupid story seriously, they\u2019ll get themselves killed.<\/p>\n

And, frankly, I\u2019d almost say they deserved<\/em> it, if they\u2019re also stupid enough to listen to stupid stories about talking gorillas. Almost, but not really, since unlike you people I don\u2019t have an outlook shaped by cruel fantasies and ridiculous stories and I don\u2019t really want to see anyone ripped limb-from-limb by a frantic silverback.<\/p>\n

I mean, just, really. What are you people thinking? Hey, look, there\u2019s a gorilla in the building<\/em> \u2014 let\u2019s go talk<\/em> to it! I know \u2014 let\u2019s give it some alcohol!<\/em> What could possibly go wrong?<\/p>\n

You people are just stupid and your stupid stories are stupid. And then you have the nerve, the arrogance, to tell me<\/em> that I\u2019m<\/em> the one who doesn\u2019t \u201cget it\u201d?<\/p>\n

Yeah, well, gorillas still can\u2019t talk.<\/em> Until you \u201cget\u201d that, you and your stupid stories are just wasting my time.<\/p>\n

(Walks away, muttering.)<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The story is just stupid, OK? First off, gorillas can\u2019t talk. Duh. So, like, what? You actually believe in talking gorillas? That makes you a moron. You and everybody else who tells this story. And everybody who listens to it. You\u2019re all morons. Plus, do you realize how terrifying this would be? How dangerous? A […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":141,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[11],"class_list":["post-9724","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-bible"],"yoast_head":"\nA hermeneutic walks into a bar ...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The story is just stupid, OK? First off, gorillas can't talk. Duh. So, like, what? You actually believe in talking gorillas? That makes you a moron. 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Jesus loves Fred far more than Fred loves Jesus, but he at least has the decency to recognize the unfairness of that lopsided relationship and he has long wished that he were better at maybe kind of sort of doing something more to correct that some day. A Baptist, an amateur, a Gen-Xer, a Gemini and a Mets fan, Fred lives in Southeastern Pennsylvania with his wife and two teenage daughters. 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