The other morning I was enjoying my bacon and eggs and baked beans when Daphne snorted from the other side of her Daily Telegraph. It seems a government minister has become the champion of naturists.<\/a><\/p>\n Daphne seemed quite annoyed by the whole business, and I said I really didn\u2019t see what all the fuss was about. Old Canon Farnsworth at theological college used to travel out to Malta every summer to continue his studies of Mediterranean salamanders and I couldn\u2019t see why Daphne should be indignant over the fact that the government might give the odd research grant to a few naturalists. Why should there be any harm in supporting scientific research?<\/p>\n She gave me that look of hers which could curdle milk and went back to her newspaper, so feeling rather confused about the matter I asked Lavinia, the lady curate over at St Etheldreda\u2019s at the Clergy Fellowship Gathering.She was surprised I hadn\u2019t heard. It seems that Daphne was talking about naturists not naturalists, and these are folks who like to go around wearing nothing but their birthday suits!<\/p>\n Well, I must say, I\u2019d never heard of such a thing! I mean at school we lads used to enjoy the odd noody swim in the school pool, but Lavinia said it\u2019s all the rage for the lads and ladies to tootle about in the buff just for the fun of it.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d I said, \u201chere in England? Isn\u2019t it rather, you know, cold and damp for such things?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course not.\u201d Lavinia said. She seemed quite surprised that I hadn\u2019t heard of naturism. \u201cOf course, it\u2019s nicer on the beach in Greece or Malta\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid you say \u2018Malta\u2019?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n \u201cGeorgie and I enjoy the beaches on Malta every summer.\u201d she replied.<\/p>\n \u201cGood heavens! Do you think that\u2019s what old Canon Farnsworth was really up to?\u201d I asked. \u201cI always thought he was collecting salamanders.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a serious matter.\u201d Lavinia replied. \u201cIt\u2019s perfectly natural to enjoy being naked, and naturists are discriminated against simply because they prefer to go about as God created them. I think it\u2019s a jolly good thing the government is doing something about the frightful discrimination against these people. Did you know Georgie was turned out of her post as a Girl Guide leader when they learned that she and I enjoy beach vacations in Malta? Anyway, Georgie and I are starting something called the Ancient Order of Anglican Adamites and I was wondering of you and Daphne would like to give it a try?\u201d<\/p>\n Lavinia\u2019s always one for bright ideas, so I asked her what the Anglican Adamites were exactly.<\/p>\n She said very primly, \u201cThe Adamites <\/a>are a very ancient expression of the Christian religion. They practice ritual worship as nature intended without the encumbrance of textiles. In solidarity with the naturists who are being discriminated against we are forming the Ancient Order of Anglican Adamites to bring this matter to attention of the General Synod. We will be campaigning for \u2018textile free\u2019 options in worship.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you mean to say that you want people to come to church in the nude?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo one has to, but we want people to have that option if they wish.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow extraordinary!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot really Humph. If you read up on the Adamites you\u2019ll see that their pedigree goes right back to the second century. It\u2019s arguable that they are the genuine Christian article, and all we\u2019re doing is restoring the original primitive Christian faith. There have always been Christian naturists, but they\u2019ve been persecuted by the hierarchical, patriarchal Roman Catholic Church. Oh yes, you can trace them right back to the beginning. In fact, the first Christian naturist was there in the Garden of Gethesemane. Just look up Mark 14.51-52<\/a>. Probably the reason the Jews were persecuting Jesus was because he had some of the first Adamites among his disciples.<\/p>\n \u201cHow extraordinary! I wonder why we never studied such things at theological college.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll part of the conspiracy against us Humpy. So what about it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m afraid it\u2019s a bit too much for me to take in just at the moment Lavinia.\u201d<\/p>\n She gave me one of her gimlet stares. \u201cYou\u2019re not in favor of discrimination against naturists are you Humphrey?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat me? No of course not! I mean, in many ways its an intriguing idea. I\u2019m not sure it is exactly my cup of tea, but now that you\u2019ve put it that way, I can\u2019t really see any harm in it, I mean, as you say, it is the way God created us, and why be ashamed of the way we are? I can see that it is rather levelling, and you know that might be a good thing, and to tell you the truth, it would be rather a relief not to have to worry about what color vestments to be wearing\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n That evening down at the Goose and Garter I mentioned this to the lads over a half pint of lager shandy. \u201cCor blimey!\u201d said Jimmy, \u201cMaybe I will start going to church again after all!\u201d<\/p>\n Then Stewart said, \u201cBut have you seen Georgie and Rev Lav? They\u2019re bad enough with their clothes on!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow that\u2019s enough lads! Let\u2019s keep the conversation decent!\u201d<\/p>\n Guest blogger, The Rev\u2019d Humphrey Blytherington weighs in on public nudity\u2026 Rev\u2019d Blytherington is Vicar of St Hilda\u2019s, Little Snoring with All Saints, Great Snoring. He is a graduate of Plymouth University. He completed his studies for the ministry at Latimer Hall, Durham. He is married to Daphne and enjoys home brewing, model railroading and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":557,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[93,1],"tags":[4,21,94],"class_list":["post-1720","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-vicar","category-uncategorized","tag-alter-egos","tag-anglicans","tag-humor"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/149\/2009\/08\/Vicar-of-Snoring-150x150.jpg\" "\\"Vicar")
<\/a>Read More: Go here<\/a> to purchase the full length short story of how Humphrey Blytherington ended up as Vicar of Gt. Snoring. Just $2.99 download for your Kindle or other reader.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"