{"id":1769,"date":"2009-07-30T16:37:00","date_gmt":"2009-07-30T16:37:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2009\/07\/mantilla-goes-to-mass\/"},"modified":"2014-12-24T10:41:37","modified_gmt":"2014-12-24T15:41:37","slug":"mantilla-goes-to-mass","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2009\/07\/mantilla-goes-to-mass.html","title":{"rendered":"Mantilla goes to Mass"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a>Special guest blogger, Mantilla Amontillado, writes on matters of ecclesiastical\u00a0etiquette\u00a0and haberdashery.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
OK hon, I know you think maybe I\u2019m a little bit of a nag sometimes, but this is what I\u2019m thinking: if I don\u2019t speak up who is going to? I didn\u2019t do my degree in Ecclesiastical Haberdashery at Salamanca University for nothing you know?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Now I\u2019m feeling pretty hot you know? And this is what is bothering me. I go to this mass not long ago at another parish, and no, I\u2019m not going to tell you which one, but Fr. Elvis comes in and he\u2019s got this kind of a game show approach to the liturgy. You know? I thought he was going to say, \u201cMantilla, today is your lucky day! Come on down and let\u2019s make a deal!\u201d But he didn\u2019t he sort of saunters in and says, \u201cHowya all doin\u2019 today? Anybody from\u00a0Cincinnati? How are the Red Sox doin\u2019? I heard this story once about this girl who wore red socks\u2026The Lord be with you.\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
You know what I mean? Well, I\u2019m sitting there and my fan is going faster and faster, and it\u2019s not because of the flies I can tell you. I\u2019m starting to feel all hot under my mantilla because this priest is not reverent at all, and is behaving like he\u2019s some kind of stand up comic. But I am keeping my mouth shut because it is the holy mass and all, but then this woman comes out dressed in one of those cassock albs and it looks like she\u2019s dressed in a duvet cover and she has this red rope around her middle and she looks all trussed up like she got tangled up in the window dressings.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Anyway, she comes forward at the offertory and starts to prepare the altar and she puts this pottery chalice on the altar and a pottery plate like it\u2019s some kind of big deal. Then the priest steps up, and this woman stands at his side like she\u2019s a deacon and she looks real happy like maybe she\u2019s just eaten a cream puff. Then the priest says, \u201cBlessed are you lord God of all creation through you goodness we have this bread to offer and this plate which was made by Daphne with her own hands.\u201d I\u2019m thinking to myself that maybe the woman is called Daphne, and she\u2019s a religious sister or something. Turns out I\u2019m right.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
What am I going to do? I ask you hon, what would you do? So after Mass I say to the priest, \u201cLook Father, this pottery chalice made by Daphne\u2026this is against the rules. You know it has got to stop. You should use precious metals for the precious blood.\u201d He smiles at me like I\u2019m some kind of retarded child and says, \u201cThe Mass is for the people of God and Daphne made the chalice and paten with her own hands. Isn\u2019t that beautiful?\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Honest, I was ready to smack him over the head with my fan, but Daphne was standing there too with one of those \u2018I dare you to be a traditional Catholic\u2019 smiles on her face so I smiled, folded up my fan and put it in my handbag and marched off.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Besides, Daphne was bigger than me\u2026Much bigger.<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Special guest blogger, Mantilla Amontillado, writes on matters of ecclesiastical\u00a0etiquette\u00a0and haberdashery.\u00a0 \u00a0 OK hon, I know you think maybe I\u2019m a little bit of a nag sometimes, but this is what I\u2019m thinking: if I don\u2019t speak up who is going to? I didn\u2019t do my degree in Ecclesiastical Haberdashery at Salamanca University for nothing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":557,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,1],"tags":[4,94],"class_list":["post-1769","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mantilla-the-hon","category-uncategorized","tag-alter-egos","tag-humor"],"yoast_head":"\nMantilla goes to Mass<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Special guest blogger, Mantilla Amontillado, writes on matters of ecclesiastical\u00a0etiquette\u00a0and haberdashery.\u00a0 \u00a0 OK hon, I know you think maybe I'm a\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2009\/07\/mantilla-goes-to-mass.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Mantilla goes to Mass\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Special guest blogger, Mantilla Amontillado, writes on matters of ecclesiastical\u00a0etiquette\u00a0and haberdashery.\u00a0 \u00a0 OK hon, I know you think maybe I'm a\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2009\/07\/mantilla-goes-to-mass.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Fr. 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