![\"Slubgrip-3D](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/149\/2015\/02\/Slubgrip-3D-Stack-300x225.png\")
<\/a>When writing Slubgrip Instructs<\/a> I had the challenge of keeping the readers\u2019 attention through fifty days worth of lectures in which a demonic professor teaches his students how to undermine human culture.<\/p>\nSo to introduce some comic relief I invented guest lecturers who appear on the weekends. Here\u2019s the cast of characters:<\/p>\n
Guest Lecturers<\/span><\/p>\n
Zelnick \u2013 Professor of Film Studies, Bowelbages University<\/p>\n
Starlow \u2013 Retired Temptress; Author, Sirens and Seduction<\/i><\/p>\n
Karma Chameleon \u2013 Professor of Eastern Religions, Bowelbages University<\/p>\n
Swagger \u2013 Active Tempter, Religion Department SouthEast<\/p>\n
Gecko \u2013 Active Tempter, Finance and Fraud Division NorthEast<\/p>\n
Snoot \u2013 Active Tempter; Founder, Materialism and Malice International<\/p>\n
Strump \u2013 Professor of Gender Studies, Bowelbages University<\/p>\n
Flambeaux\u00a0\u2013 Associate Professor of Gender Studies, Bowelbages University<\/p>\n
Claxton \u2013 Senior Tempter, Politics and Passion, NorthEast<\/p>\n
Dowdy \u2013 Professor of Media Studies, Bowelbages University<\/p>\n
Oskar Fullman \u2013 Professor of New Testament Criticism, Bowelbages University<\/p>\n
Starfox \u2013 Director of the Institute for Occult Science, Bowelbages University<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I\u2019m afraid the names are not very original and you may find the voices I assume to be strangely familiar\u2013maybe even sounding like their human counterparts?<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s a sample: This is Swagger\u2013an Active Tempter in the Religion Department Southeast.<\/p>\n
Chamber 101<\/p>\n
Sounds of squirming, squelching and squealing. A door slams.<\/i><\/p>\n
Sit down, boys. Swagger\u2019s here!<\/p>\n
Murmuring of anticipation and glee. Sliding of seats and sudden quiet.<\/i><\/p>\n
Slubgrip called me in to teach you boys a little bit about the ole-time religion. I\u2019m talking the sawdust trail, the revival tent, the TV ministry and the radio Bible hour. What we\u2019re talking about is a sweet little false religion.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a pretty good game if you can get it. You see the sad lonely humans are just desperate as can be for a religion that feeds them sweetness and light and makes them feel all good about themselves. First thing you need is a decent preacher. It don\u2019t matter if he\u2019s Protestant or Catholic. Shucks, it don\u2019t matter if he\u2019s Pentecostal<\/a> or Episcopal. Hell\u2019s bells! It don\u2019t even matter if he\u2019s Mormon or Muslim. The main thing is he\u2019s gotta be a good preacher. He needs to know how to get \u2019em all stirred up and emotional. That\u2019s the thing. Emotion.<\/p>\n
All this is part of this relativism stuff you\u2019ve been working on with ole Slubgrip. I\u2019m talking about the idea that there\u2019s no true religion. Make them remember that all religion is man-made.<\/p>\n
So first you get yourself a good preacher. You gotta work on him first, boys. Get him to think it\u2019s all about him and the love he\u2019s getting from his people. Butter him up. Make sure he gets good reviews and let his church start growing. Don\u2019t forget the money! When he starts talking about \u201cevangelizing\u201d and \u201cchurch growth\u201d you make sure he starts seeing dollar signs. He says \u201csaving souls\u201d but he means \u201csavings account.\u201d If he\u2019s a smart cookie he\u2019ll soon figure out what brings folks through the door and what drives them away, and he\u2019ll soon learn how to deliver.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s when you start working on the folks in the pews. Work together as a team, fellas! Get the people in the pews to call the shots. We don\u2019t want no preachers telling them about hell and damnation and sin and repentance. No sirree! You get that preacher to tell them about love and peace and forgiveness and healing. Get him to tell them stories about little children and brave ole soldiers and grandma who used to pray on her knees every night \u2019til she wore out the floorboards.<\/p>\n
Before too long you have a mutual admiration society between the preacher and his people. Like I say, it don\u2019t matter if he\u2019s a Protestant or a Catholic. It works both ways. What happens is the preacher never says nothing to upset his fan club, and the fan club continues to dish out the love he needs\u2014not to mention the cash! You get a religion rolling along like that and you\u2019re coming out on top! You\u2019re going to find yourself demon of the year!<\/p>\n
Why, it just tickles me pink to think of a whole boatload of souls drifting down to Our Father Below, all the while thinking that they\u2019re just the most wonderful Christian people who ever walked this earth.<\/p>\n
I tell you boys, if you get called into religion, it\u2019s one of the most fun places to play in the whole wide world! On the other hand, if you get stuck with some pastor or priest who knows his stuff and realizes that there\u2019s a spiritual battle on hand\u2014why you\u2019ve pulled the short straw, son.<\/p>\n
Y\u2019all better scoot. That bell went long ago, and if I keep you too long I know what\u2019ll happen\u2014I\u2019ll get called up to Commissioner Crasston\u2014and that ain\u2019t going to be no picnic.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Go here<\/a> to learn more about Slubgrip Instructs<\/a><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
When writing Slubgrip Instructs I had the challenge of keeping the readers\u2019 attention through fifty days worth of lectures in which a demonic professor teaches his students how to undermine human culture. So to introduce some comic relief I invented guest lecturers who appear on the weekends. Here\u2019s the cast of characters: Guest Lecturers Zelnick […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":557,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18062","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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