![\"sister](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/149\/2015\/10\/sister-rambo-300x300.jpg\")
<\/a>OK. I know it sounds dumb, but I\u2019ve always wanted to be a nun. You know what I mean? So when that Jenner guy decided to be a girl I says to myself, \u201cWhat the heck! Go for it man!\u201d<\/p>\nThen when they made him \u201cWoman of the Year\u201d I just about choked on my stogie. \u201cThat does it.\u201d I said to myself. \u201cIt\u2019s time I made my dreams come true and become a nun.\u201d<\/p>\n
So I went round to my local convent and talked to the Sister Superior. She\u2019s called Joan Chister. I didn\u2019t figure she was a nun at all because she was hanging out wearing ordinary gear\u2013blue jeans and old sweatshirt like my Aunt Betty who used to be a gym teacher.<\/p>\n
But then she introduced herself and we got to talking and we hit it off straight away. I offered her one of my cheroots\u00a0and it turns out sister is a keen cigar smoker. She lights one up and next thing you know she\u2019s got a bottle of Jack Daniels and we\u2019re sitting on the back porch of the convent having a grand old time.<\/p>\n
As I guessed, Sister Superior is all in favor of women\u2019s being priests\u00a0so I said, \u201cFunny you should say that Sister, but I\u2019ve alway been in favor of men becoming nuns.\u201d<\/p>\n
She was a little taken aback, but then I explained it to her. \u201cLook, do you mind if I call you Sister Chister? I think that\u2019s kind of catchy. So anyway Sister Chister, I\u2019m thinking, why shouldn\u2019t I be a nun? I like the peace and quiet. I\u2019m a bit down on my luck right now and to be frank three square meals a day is worth doing some singing for. I can help out around the place doing odd jobs, and you know what, I can sing ok, and now you don\u2019t do that difficult Gregorian chant I think I\u2019ll do just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
She asked me what songs I know so I named them. \u201cI know that one about Eagles Wings. I can do that one about Gathering Us In. Lemme see. I know that Bridge Over Troubled Water song and Make Me a River of Your Peace. Yeh. I know that one. I also know Michael Row Your Boat Ashore and that one about All You Need is Love\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you know Puff the Magic Dragon?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPuff the Magic Dragon?! Sure. I can play that on my guitar!\u201d<\/p>\n
So Sister says, \u201cYou\u2019re in. We haven\u2019t had anybody want to join our convent for a long time and maybe this is the way to get some young blood.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you mind if I make a comment Sister?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, what\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you don\u2019t mind me saying so you gals ought to think about your dress sense. People really like to see nuns in the full habit. When I\u2019m a nun I\u2019m going to wear the full kit.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWill you wear the wimple?\u201d She was shocked.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou betcha sister. I think the wimple is very flattering. It shows what a nice smile you have. You know the saying, \u201cThe wimple brings out the dimple.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut the wimple is a sign of submission to the\u00a0oppressive\u00a0patriarchal hierarchical church structures!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFugeddaboudit Sister! We\u2019ll show those guys in the lace nighties a thing or two. You want another slug of Bourbon? I\u2019m just getting started.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t mind if I do.\u201d tittered Sister Chister.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat I was saying Sister is that you gals ought to get rid of those navy blue polyester dresses with the zipper up the front. They don\u2019t do you any favors. The full habit\u2013you know its\u00a0like absolution\u2013it covers a lot of sins.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sister suddenly got all serious. \u201cWill you assist us in our campaign to make the world a better, fairer and happier place for all people?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou betcha Sister Chister! All we are saying is give peace a chance!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think you\u2019ll fit right in!\u201d said Sister. \u201cNow what are we going to call you? To start off I think you\u2019d better keep your regular name and we\u2019ll call you Sister Bruce.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSounds good to me Sister!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNow let me show you to your cell.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGeesh! A cell! I love it. Just like when I did a spell in the pen. Hey, Sister!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI just had an idea. Instead of Sister Bruce you can just call me Mister Sister.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
OK. I know it sounds dumb, but I\u2019ve always wanted to be a nun. You know what I mean? So when that Jenner guy decided to be a girl I says to myself, \u201cWhat the heck! Go for it man!\u201d Then when they made him \u201cWoman of the Year\u201d I just about choked on my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":557,"featured_media":20424,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20423","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
Introducing Sister Bruce<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"OK. I know it sounds dumb, but I've always wanted to be a nun. You know what I mean? So when that Jenner guy decided to be a girl I says to myself, "What\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Introducing Sister Bruce\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"OK. I know it sounds dumb, but I've always wanted to be a nun. You know what I mean? So when that Jenner guy decided to be a girl I says to myself, "What\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Fr. Dwight Longenecker\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-10-26T00:45:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/149\/2015\/10\/sister-rambo.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1434\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1438\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Fr. Dwight Longenecker\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Fr. Dwight Longenecker\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html\",\"name\":\"Introducing Sister Bruce\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2015-10-26T00:45:03+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-10-26T00:45:03+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/#\/schema\/person\/9a47bc6ba9c0a8c532dc90230d7ad3ad\"},\"description\":\"OK. I know it sounds dumb, but I've always wanted to be a nun. You know what I mean? So when that Jenner guy decided to be a girl I says to myself, \\\"What\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Introducing Sister Bruce\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/\",\"name\":\"Fr. Dwight Longenecker\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/#\/schema\/person\/9a47bc6ba9c0a8c532dc90230d7ad3ad\",\"name\":\"Fr. Dwight Longenecker\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8dbbfbf5b6d096630322e90bce3f0cec?s=96&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8dbbfbf5b6d096630322e90bce3f0cec?s=96&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Fr. Dwight Longenecker\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/dwightlongenecker.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/author\/frdwight\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Introducing Sister Bruce","description":"OK. I know it sounds dumb, but I've always wanted to be a nun. You know what I mean? So when that Jenner guy decided to be a girl I says to myself, \"What","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Introducing Sister Bruce","og_description":"OK. I know it sounds dumb, but I've always wanted to be a nun. You know what I mean? So when that Jenner guy decided to be a girl I says to myself, \"What","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html","og_site_name":"Fr. Dwight Longenecker","article_published_time":"2015-10-26T00:45:03+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1434,"height":1438,"url":"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/149\/2015\/10\/sister-rambo.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Fr. Dwight Longenecker","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Fr. Dwight Longenecker","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html","name":"Introducing Sister Bruce","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/#website"},"datePublished":"2015-10-26T00:45:03+00:00","dateModified":"2015-10-26T00:45:03+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/#\/schema\/person\/9a47bc6ba9c0a8c532dc90230d7ad3ad"},"description":"OK. I know it sounds dumb, but I've always wanted to be a nun. You know what I mean? So when that Jenner guy decided to be a girl I says to myself, \"What","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/2015\/10\/introducing-sister-bruce.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Introducing Sister Bruce"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/","name":"Fr. Dwight Longenecker","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/#\/schema\/person\/9a47bc6ba9c0a8c532dc90230d7ad3ad","name":"Fr. Dwight Longenecker","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8dbbfbf5b6d096630322e90bce3f0cec?s=96&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8dbbfbf5b6d096630322e90bce3f0cec?s=96&r=g","caption":"Fr. Dwight Longenecker"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/dwightlongenecker.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/author\/frdwight"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20423","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/557"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20423"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20423\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/20424"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20423"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20423"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/standingonmyhead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20423"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"sister](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/149\/2015\/10\/sister-rambo.jpg\")
<\/a>OK. I know it sounds dumb, but I\u2019ve always wanted to be a nun. You know what I mean? So when that Jenner guy decided to be a girl I says to myself, \u201cWhat the heck! Go for it man!\u201d<\/p>\n