Good evening lads. I\u2019ve come down early for a spot of supper as Mrs. Vicar\u2019s off on her Roman holiday with Mrs Doyle and Father Stornaway. They\u2019ve all decided to beetle off to Rome to see the new Pope.<\/p>\n
Can\u2019t see what all the fuss is myself. Never was one to worship Mary or walk on my knees to Fatima or kiss the pope\u2019s toe. Whoever he is, he\u2019s just an ordinary fellow like you or me. The cassock might be white, but he climbs into it one leg at a time like the rest of us. I think the timing\u2019s a bit off too don\u2019t you? Rather overshadows our own new Archbishop of Canterbury starting his job.<\/p>\n
Never mind. Can\u2019t be helped. I must say, now Daphne\u2019s a Roman Catholic she does seem rather keen on it all. Seems to have swallowed the whole thing\u2013rosary beads and statues and the lot. I thought it would make her rather superstitious, but it\u2019s had the opposite effect. She has developed a certain kind of focus which she lacked before. Can\u2019t place it exactly, but she seems rather more concrete. Rather more solid in a way. I mean to say, Daff has never really been exactly slight of figure or backward in coming forward, but her usual good sense seems to have a different quality to it. Perhaps it\u2019s Mrs. Doyle\u2019s influence. The Irish are a very down to earth sort \u00a0of people don\u2019t you think?<\/p>\n
Can\u2019t help comparing the two of them to Lavinia and her partner Georgie Samsonite. At the clergy luncheon last week Lavinia was presenting a petition for us all to sign supporting the government\u2019s attempts to have same sex marriage. I must say, I was rather reluctant to put my name to something I\u2019m a bit unsure about. I realize we oughtn\u2019t be unkind to anyone, but I\u2019m not sure what I\u2019d do if a couple of fellows came along asking to be married in the parish church.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not my cup of tea, and I don\u2019t suppose there\u2019s really any harm in it, but what troubles me is the practical matters. Does someone give away the bride? Where do the families sit? How does one know if you should sit on the bride\u2019s side or the groom\u2019s side? What about the throwing the bouquet afterwards? \u00a0Who carries whom over the threshold? These things sound rather silly I know, but it\u2019s the little things, in my experience, that determine whether the wedding is a happy one or not.<\/p>\n
When the petition came around to me I quietly handed it on to the next fellow\u2013rather like the old hot potato game. Unfortunately Lavinia spotted it and called out in that rather shrill voice of hers, \u201cSign it Humphrey!\u201d<\/p>\n
I replied that I\u2019d really like to have a bit more time to think it through, and at that point she stood up and shook her finger at me and said, \u201cI expect you\u2019ll be the next one in your family to become a Roman Catholic! This new pope is also homophobic and misogynistic\u2013just like the rest of them!\u201d<\/p>\n
Well, I mean to say, I\u2019m usually rather easy going on things like this, but I really had had quite enough. Daphne\u2019s been a real brick through this whole conversion business, and if anything, her becoming a Roman Catholic has made her rather a better Anglican as I see it. I saw red. I really did, and as you know, it\u2019s not like me, but I felt like Lavinia was attacking Daphne and so I stood up for the old girl. \u201cLavinia,\u201d I said quite firmly, \u201cI think you\u2019d better sit down and have a nice cup of tea.\u201d<\/p>\n
Well, that took the wind out of her sails. She slunk off with her tail between her legs, picked up a cup of tea and a digestive from the table and said not a word for the rest of the meeting. Huppo gave me a look which was as good as a wink, and the meeting went forward with the planned discussion of the dispersion of funds from the Deanery Christmas bazaar and what to do about the proposed closure of Dagwood Bumpstead.<\/p>\n
I must say lads, the whole episode got me thinking. Lavinia seemed so irrationally angry about the Romans that I suddenly thought if she\u2019s against them I ought to give them a second look. You see, the thing is, the Roman Catholics keep me guessing. Just when I thought I had them pegged they come up with some sort of surprise. There I was getting used to that German fellow with his bookish ways and rather high church dress sense\u2013thinking that he was a pretty harmless old coot, when he rocks the boat, steps down and within a month they\u2019ve elected this South American fellow who works with the poor and rides the bus to work.<\/p>\n
Can\u2019t keep up with them, and I must admit, from what I\u2019ve read he\u2019s not going to put up with the sort of nonsense we get from Lavinia and her crowd. He\u2019s just an ordinary fellow like the rest of us, but I have to admit there\u2019s something about him that rather puts our Archbishop in the shade. Brilliant idea taking the name Francis. I mean to say, nobody dislikes that fellow who preaches to the birds and so forth now do they?<\/p>\n
What\u2019s that you say? Am I going to become Catholic too? Good heavens! What a ridiculous idea! I must admit for a moment there when Lavinia was so rude, I was tempted to call her bluff and say, \u201cQuite right! I am the next one in my family to convert, and if I do it will be to escape people like you!\u201d But I bit my tongue. No sense doing anything rash. No, the \u00a0dear old C of E is my home. Apart from anything else, the Church of England is so quintessentially English. One has to make a few compromises, but it\u2019s still my home and as it says somewhere in the New Testament, there\u2019s no place like home.<\/p>\n
The Roman Church isn\u2019t for me. It\u2019s really the church for immigrants you see\u2013Polish hotel workers, Irish housemaids and Italian waiters. No indeed. I\u2019m simply too English through and through. I could never convert to the Church of Rome. Not me.<\/p>\n
Thank you. I don\u2019t mind if I do. Could you make it a whiskey? Double. No ice please.<\/p>\n
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![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/149\/2013\/03\/Vicar-of-Snoring.jpg\" "\\"Vicar")
<\/a>Have you read\u00a0The Vicar of Great Snoring?\u00a0<\/em>Go\u00a0here<\/a>\u00a0(or check out the right sidebar) to purchase the first full length short story featuring Humph and his pals. Read the adventure of how he and Daphne ended up in Great Snoring. It\u2019s available as an e-book for Kindle or as a download. Price: $2.99<\/p>\n