{"id":2235,"date":"2012-10-02T09:58:31","date_gmt":"2012-10-02T15:58:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/?p=2235"},"modified":"2012-10-15T13:53:29","modified_gmt":"2012-10-15T19:53:29","slug":"what-your-husband-isnt-telling-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2012\/10\/what-your-husband-isnt-telling-you\/","title":{"rendered":"What Your Husband Isn’t Telling You"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

By David Murrow<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"I just wrote a book titled, What Your Husband Isn\u2019t Telling You<\/em><\/a>. In it, I catalog the many secrets men keep from their wives.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t possibly reveal all of these in the limited space of a blog post. However, I\u2019d like to hand you a precious key that can unlock your husband\u2019s heart \u2013 so you can discover these secrets on your own.<\/p>\n

First, let me state the obvious: some men withhold the truth from their wives because it\u2019s bad. They\u2019re ashamed of their sin and don\u2019t want their wives to know.<\/p>\n

But even goodhearted men conceal much from their wives. Why? Because guys are trained from an early age to keep their true feelings to themselves. Men who share what they really feel are punished by their peers\u2014and too often, by their wives.<\/p>\n

Men learn as children to hide their true emotions. Five-year-old Patrick falls off his bicycle and skins his knee. The pain is so intense he starts to cry. His friends gather around him and start taunting. \u201cCrybaby!\u201d they yell. Patrick learns to keep his true feelings inside.<\/p>\n

At age 15, Patrick is sitting with friends in the school cafeteria. He says, \u201cHey guys, I\u2019m struggling with some fears. Can I share my heart with you?\u201d Patrick is quickly laughed out of the room. He learns to keep is true feelings inside.<\/p>\n

At age 25, Patrick is married. He says to his wife, \u201cThere\u2019s a woman at work who is flirting with me. I want to stay faithful to you honey, but I\u2019ve got to admit I\u2019m struggling.\u201d<\/p>\n

How does she respond? Silence. Pouting. Depression. Even threat of divorce. \u00a0The minimum sentence is a night on the sofa. Patrick learns to keep his true feelings inside.<\/p>\n

Does this really happen? Just ask your husband, \u201cDoes this dress make me look fat?\u201d Observe the terror in his eyes.<\/p>\n

Imagine you\u2019re housebreaking a puppy. Every time he soils the rug he gets a swat. But if he does his business outside you lavish rewards on him. Eventually the puppy does what he\u2019s trained to do\u2014not because he wants to, but because it\u2019s the only way to avoid punishment.<\/p>\n

Now, imagine you\u2019re training a husband. Every time he tells you the absolute truth he gets a swat. But when he conceals his true feelings, you lavish rewards on him. Eventually he begins carefully managing what he tells you\u2014not because he wants to, but because it\u2019s the only way to avoid punishment.<\/p>\n

If you penalize your man each time he reveals his true feelings, here\u2019s the message you are sending: \u201cIf you want your life to be hell, tell me the truth. But if you want things to go smoothly, lie to me.\u00a0 Tell me only those things that won\u2019t upset me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t misunderstand: I am not blaming women for every communication glitch in marriage. Husbands do the same things to wives. I know women who can\u2019t tell their husbands the truth because they\u2019re afraid their men will explode. Women suffer too. I get it.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m simply asking you to open your eyes to the possibility that you are contributing to your husband\u2019s silence. You may have unwittingly trained him to hide his true heart from you.<\/p>\n

So how can you unlock your husband\u2019s true heart? Make him this promise: \u201cI will never punish you for telling me the truth. Even if you say, \u201cI\u2019m having an affair,\u201d I will not retaliate in anger.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

You\u2019re not giving him a pass to do whatever he wants \u2013 you\u2019re promising to hear what he has\u00a0 to say\u2014without shutting him down.<\/p>\n

Weeks or months may pass. Then one day he\u2019ll take a chance.<\/p>\n

\u201cSweetheart, can we talk about your weight? It\u2019s bothering me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about quitting my job to pursue my dream.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s talk about how we discipline the kids.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like to spice up our sex life by trying some new things.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m feeling unsupported at home.\u201d<\/p>\n

These are not fighting words \u2013 they\u2019re your husband\u2019s true feelings.<\/p>\n

At that moment you\u2019ll have a decision to make. You can erupt in anger and shut him out. You can descend into a depression for having failed yet again. You can go into the bedroom and pout.<\/p>\n

Or you can calmly listen to what he has to say. Thank him. Hear his concerns and take them to God in prayer. Do what you can to meet his needs.<\/p>\n

So there\u2019s your precious key \u2013 if you really want to know what your husband is thinking, learn to receive the truth with grace.<\/p>\n

Visit the Patheos Book Club<\/a> for more on What Your Husband Isn\u2019t Telling You: A Guided Tour to A Man\u2019s Body, Soul, and Spirit.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"David Murrow is the bestselling author of\u00a0Why Men Hate Going to Church\u00a0and director of Church for Men, which works to restore a healthy masculine spirit in churches. A sought-after expert and speaker on men\u2019s issues, he spent twenty years honing his skills as a communicator producing and writing award-winning TV documentaries, commercials, and specials. David has a degree in anthropology. He and his wife have three children and live in Chugiak, Alaska. Learn more at\u00a0www.churchformen.com<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By David Murrow I just wrote a book titled, What Your Husband Isn\u2019t Telling You. In it, I catalog the many secrets men keep from their wives. I can\u2019t possibly reveal all of these in the limited space of a blog post. However, I\u2019d like to hand you a precious key that can unlock your […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2271,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2235","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Your Husband Isn't Telling You<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"By David Murrow I just wrote a book titled, What Your Husband Isn\u2019t Telling You. In it, I catalog the many secrets men keep from their wives. 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