{"id":3718,"date":"2013-11-04T14:19:36","date_gmt":"2013-11-04T21:19:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/?p=3718"},"modified":"2013-11-04T14:35:48","modified_gmt":"2013-11-04T21:35:48","slug":"why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/","title":{"rendered":"Why I’m Thankful for My Doubts"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a>By Kyle Cupp, author<\/em>
\n Living by Faith, Dwelling in Doubt<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

I have my doubts about God, still, especially in stillness and in quietude. I probably wouldn\u2019t make a good monk.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

<\/em>From fifth grade through high school I played the trumpet, but I was never very good. I could march in step with best of them, hiding my natural inclination to walk with a bounce behind the rhythmic roll of heel to toe, but the sounds I made were of lesser quality than the notes played by whoever marched next to me.<\/p>\n

I played little league too, but I was no better at this. Arguably much worse. I was an asset for the opposing team. I never hit the ball, not even once. Couldn\u2019t even manage a foul. I might have caught a fly ball a handful of times. Once, when a cleat came off my foot as I ran midway between first and second, I inexplicably stopped and turned around to grab the fallen footwear. It seemed the right thing to do at the time. Those baselines were uncomfortable to the shoeless foot. Suffice it to say I didn\u2019t make it to second base. My poor coach. If I could remember who he was I\u2019d feel compelled to get him a card or tickets to the World Series.<\/p>\n

I doubted myself as a trumpet player and as a little league baseball player. I doubted my abilities and my ability to get much better. These doubts kept me back. I didn\u2019t believe that I could play well. I attributed momentary successes to a moment\u2019s luck or blessing. My doubts were obstacles and I failed to overcome them. I\u2019m not thankful for them.<\/p>\n

When I tell others that, as a person of faith, I dwell in doubt, the assumption is often that my doubts here are of this hindering sort. Sometimes they have this effect. Not long ago, in the midst of a dry spell, I stopped caring whether or not I believed in God. I hadn\u2019t arrived at a place where I dismissed the idea of God, exactly, but I didn\u2019t really actively believe either. I had transitioned from belief to uncertainty to indifference.<\/p>\n

No doubt that doubts can be dangerous to the walk of faith. They\u2019re like sharp-cornered Lego pieces scattered across a floor you have to cross in the dark of night. They can be painful and do a surprising amount of damage for such little things. In other circumstances, though, doubts can become the building blocks of faith, giving to faith its structure, shape, and power.<\/p>\n

I do not doubt my son and daughter in any negative sense, but at the same time I\u2019m not certain what they\u2019ll face in life and what choices they will make. It is precisely this state of not knowing, of being in the dark about what may come, that lights a fire in my parental heart to raise and rear my children as best as I can.\u00a0 I believe in them, I believe that they can and will make good choices, but I don\u2019t know that they will. I doubt they\u2019ll always behave wisely. Because I cannot know with certainty that my children will always do what they ought to do, I have to have faith in them. If I assumed that they would never make a bad decision, then I would have no cause for belief or for trust.<\/p>\n

I have my doubts about God, still, especially in stillness and in quietude. I probably wouldn\u2019t make a good monk. There are times when I feel the close presence of a being I want to call God, but these experiences tend to come when I\u2019m not looking for them, when I\u2019ve forgotten myself: chasing my giggling children around the house, scouring one bathroom of mold and rotting caulk while my wife cleans the other, lying down with closed eyes listening to her read poetry. It\u2019s in these simple moments that I sometimes feel as though the love I experience is bigger than I am, almost as though I\u2019m bathed in a spirit that unites me to every love across the universe. Later I\u2019ll make the mistake of getting all theological about God, a point at which God seems to vanish and I\u2019m left with cold formulas that sound lofty but say almost nothing to me.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure I\u2019d have it any other way. God is described, ironically, with the term \u201cineffable,\u201d a word that deconstructs every doctrine we formulate. It indicates the infinite distance between the words and formulas we use to describe God and whatever it is to which they refer. Between our finite words and an infinite God there\u2019s a lot a room for uncertainty. A lot of room for doubts. An endless space for questions and conflicts of interpretation.<\/p>\n

I know, for example, what the word \u201cson\u201d means, and I know what it means from the experiences of having a son and being a son. I really have no idea what \u201cJesus is the son of God\u201d means. I can tell you the definition of the words and can explain the analogy of the sentence, but I can\u2019t tell you how this statement actually refers to these two Persons of the Trinity. I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m talking about when I use those words either. As I said, a lot of room for doubt.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m thankful for this space of uncertainty and for my accompanying doubts because they motivate my faith.\u00a0 If I had certainty of who and what God is, then I wouldn\u2019t need faith. I\u2019d simply know. Or think I know. And that wouldn\u2019t get me anywhere. So I thank God, even though I don\u2019t know what it means to thank God.<\/p>\n

If we\u2019re talking about God, that\u2019s probably how it ought to be.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Visit the Patheos Book Club for more conversation on Kyle Cupp\u2019s book <\/strong><\/em>Living by Faith, Dwelling in Doubt<\/strong>.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Between our finite words and an infinite God there\u2019s a lot a room for uncertainty. A lot of room for doubts. An endless space for questions and conflicts of interpretation. And if we\u2019re talking about God, that\u2019s probably how it ought to be. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3719,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3718","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nWhy I'm Thankful for My Doubts<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Between our finite words and an infinite God there\u2019s a lot a room for uncertainty. A lot of room for doubts. An endless space for questions and conflicts of interpretation. And if we\u2019re talking about God, that\u2019s probably how it ought to be.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why I'm Thankful for My Doubts\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Between our finite words and an infinite God there\u2019s a lot a room for uncertainty. A lot of room for doubts. An endless space for questions and conflicts of interpretation. And if we\u2019re talking about God, that\u2019s probably how it ought to be.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"{Take & Read}\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-11-04T21:19:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-11-04T21:35:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/54\/2013\/11\/BC_KyleCupp_bio.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"205\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"205\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Guest Contributor\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Guest Contributor\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/\",\"name\":\"Why I'm Thankful for My Doubts\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2013-11-04T21:19:36+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-11-04T21:35:48+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/#\/schema\/person\/2869b699bf0e57982cb1f212243705f2\"},\"description\":\"Between our finite words and an infinite God there\u2019s a lot a room for uncertainty. A lot of room for doubts. An endless space for questions and conflicts of interpretation. And if we\u2019re talking about God, that\u2019s probably how it ought to be.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Why I’m Thankful for My Doubts\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/\",\"name\":\"{Take & Read}\",\"description\":\""I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library" {Jorge Luis Borges}\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/#\/schema\/person\/2869b699bf0e57982cb1f212243705f2\",\"name\":\"Guest Contributor\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/5010a3cc274cdb37811bf24de46dc280?s=96&d=identicon&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/5010a3cc274cdb37811bf24de46dc280?s=96&d=identicon&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Guest Contributor\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/author\/admin\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Why I'm Thankful for My Doubts","description":"Between our finite words and an infinite God there\u2019s a lot a room for uncertainty. A lot of room for doubts. An endless space for questions and conflicts of interpretation. And if we\u2019re talking about God, that\u2019s probably how it ought to be.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Why I'm Thankful for My Doubts","og_description":"Between our finite words and an infinite God there\u2019s a lot a room for uncertainty. A lot of room for doubts. An endless space for questions and conflicts of interpretation. And if we\u2019re talking about God, that\u2019s probably how it ought to be.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/","og_site_name":"{Take & Read}","article_published_time":"2013-11-04T21:19:36+00:00","article_modified_time":"2013-11-04T21:35:48+00:00","og_image":[{"width":"205","height":"205","url":"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/54\/2013\/11\/BC_KyleCupp_bio.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Guest Contributor","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Guest Contributor","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/","name":"Why I'm Thankful for My Doubts","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/#website"},"datePublished":"2013-11-04T21:19:36+00:00","dateModified":"2013-11-04T21:35:48+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/#\/schema\/person\/2869b699bf0e57982cb1f212243705f2"},"description":"Between our finite words and an infinite God there\u2019s a lot a room for uncertainty. A lot of room for doubts. An endless space for questions and conflicts of interpretation. And if we\u2019re talking about God, that\u2019s probably how it ought to be.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2013\/11\/why-im-thankful-for-my-doubts\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Why I’m Thankful for My Doubts"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/","name":"{Take & Read}","description":""I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library" {Jorge Luis Borges}","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/#\/schema\/person\/2869b699bf0e57982cb1f212243705f2","name":"Guest Contributor","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/5010a3cc274cdb37811bf24de46dc280?s=96&d=identicon&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/5010a3cc274cdb37811bf24de46dc280?s=96&d=identicon&r=g","caption":"Guest Contributor"},"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/author\/admin\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3718","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3718"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3718\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3719"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3718"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3718"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3718"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}