{"id":100,"date":"2016-06-21T17:18:11","date_gmt":"2016-06-22T01:18:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/tempest\/?p=100"},"modified":"2016-06-21T17:24:11","modified_gmt":"2016-06-22T01:24:11","slug":"doing-marriage-the-left-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/tempest\/2016\/06\/doing-marriage-the-left-way.html","title":{"rendered":"Doing Marriage the Left Way."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

In a former life, in a previous marriage, when a friend would announce\u00a0to me and my spouse that they were getting married, our typical response was, \u201cSorry to hear that.\u201d \u00a0It was meant primarily as a joke, but I had a whole different view on marriage then I do now.<\/p>\n

Sure, there were the traditional concepts of honor, dedication, oaths of in sickness and in health, for better or for worse \u2013 which is the main reason why it managed to make it to 15 years. \u00a0But being with a person just because you said you would, and having twisted ideas about what the \u201cright thing\u201d to do is not the foundation for a partnership, or love. \u00a0Rather it\u2019s a recipe for misery.<\/p>\n

When the divorce was finally official,\u00a0I didn\u2019t really imagine myself getting married again, at least not any time soon. \u00a0But the Fates had other things in store for me and when the question was asked, the answer was obvious and instantaneous \u2013 with the most difficult thing trying to figure out when and where we should do it, due to our busy schedule. \u00a0We set a date for November of 2013.<\/p>\n

\"Art
Art by the Author<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

In the meantime, same-sex\u00a0marriage became legal in the state of Washington, which meant that my\u00a0fianc\u00e9\u2019s mother and her partner of nearly 4\u00a0decades could finally<\/em> get married. \u00a0So much joy! And\u00a0I was beyond honored when they asked me to officiate the ceremony on their anniversary in May \u2013 which meant updating some paperwork (in the state of Rhode Island, I was recognized three times over for being able to legally perform a wedding, so wanted to make sure WA was covered as well!)<\/em> and working with them to create the perfect ceremony. \u00a0It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done \u2013 because it was such a beautiful and powerful experience that it took a great deal of effort to hold it together. \u00a0It gave me so much perspective on my own path, and what could be ahead of me, ahead of us.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s been so\u00a0heartbreaking\u00a0over the years to see friends and family unable to get legally married because their state won\u2019t allow it. \u00a0To be denied basic rights because of outdated laws and small minds. Beautiful, amazing people who are the best of partners to each other, creating and raising families together, and been through the best and the worst. \u00a0Their partnerships have outlasted most modern heterosexual marriages. Yet society has still been hung up on antiquated ideas about sex and outdated, politicized biblical verses \u2013 none of which are truly healthy for anyone of any gender or sexuality. \u00a0One man + one woman is not the automatic recipe for a happy, successful marriage, nor is it the only way to have a family. \u00a0Marriage is something more than that, it\u2019s the pairing of souls, of spirits.<\/p>\n

So a year ago, when the Supreme Court declared that same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states<\/a>, my heart burst with joy. \u00a0It didn\u2019t make everything instantly better, and there\u2019s still battles to be fought, but it\u2019s a sign of progress. \u00a0We\u2019re breaking down the confines that hold humanity back, that try to thwart love and understanding. \u00a0I hear stories of people who were anti-gay marriage discovering how much they held back their own friends and family \u2013 and finding new beautiful examples to follow. Despite recent tragedies, I have so much hope for the future.<\/p>\n

And as for marriage and defining it? I\u2019ve learned a few things.\u00a0You shouldn\u2019t lose yourself in a marriage \u2013 instead you should gain a better understanding of yourself and then add another level of what it means to be you + this other person. \u00a0Marriage is about knowing there will be ups and downs, and that\u00a0you\u2019re riding the tide\u00a0together<\/em>, not against each other. \u00a0You understand that love isn\u2019t just about passion and sexuality, but mutual respect, communication, and the ability to discover another beautiful layer of yourselves every day.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what marriage is about \u2013 it\u2019s not about the perfect dress, the most money you can spend on one day, who is sitting at what table, or if how your genitalia matches up or if it\u2019s never been touched before \u2013 it\u2019s about the life and love you build together as human and spiritual beings. \u00a0If that\u2019s wrong, then I don\u2019t want to be right.<\/p>\n

Blessed be.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a former life, in a previous marriage, when a friend would announce\u00a0to me and my spouse that they were getting married, our typical response was, \u201cSorry to hear that.\u201d \u00a0It was meant primarily as a joke, but I had a whole different view on marriage then I do now. Sure, there were the traditional […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2676,"featured_media":101,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,14],"tags":[56,57,55,62,61,39,58,59,60],"class_list":["post-100","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-modernpractice","category-tradition","tag-gay","tag-lesbian","tag-marriage","tag-same-sex","tag-society","tag-spirituality","tag-straight","tag-supreme-court","tag-wedding"],"yoast_head":"\nDoing Marriage the Left Way.<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In a former life, in a previous marriage, when a friend would announce\u00a0to me and my spouse that they were getting married, our typical response was,\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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