{"id":624,"date":"2017-06-08T09:32:01","date_gmt":"2017-06-08T17:32:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/tempest\/?p=624"},"modified":"2017-06-29T11:56:01","modified_gmt":"2017-06-29T19:56:01","slug":"dont-good-witch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/tempest\/2017\/06\/dont-good-witch.html","title":{"rendered":"Don’t Be A Good Witch…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"empressbar\"
\n\u201cAre you a good witch?\u201d \u00a0The question wasn\u2019t so much asked as barked at me, the producer\u2019s voice sharp and demanding. \u00a0Everything inside of me groaned.<\/p>\n

I would bet\u00a0that most of you are familiar with that sing-songy question a la The Wizard of Oz:\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u201cAre you a good witch or a bad witch?\u201d Really, I can\u2019t think of any situation where that\u2019s a fun question to be asked \u2013 if you\u2019re actually a Witch. \u00a0Sure, there\u2019s that whole public-image thing \u2013 decades of trying to show we\u2019re not scary, evil, or fulfilling other fantasy stereotypes. \u00a0The last couple of years have been full of blog posts and articles in the community debating whether or not that\u2019s a good thing. \u00a0But that\u2019s not what\u00a0I want to talk about.<\/p>\n

Rather, let\u2019s talk about personal power vs. expectations and the desire to please. \u00a0Because I\u2019m pretty sure that\u2019s how I got into the above situation in the first place. \u00a0I was dealing with this person because I was trying to please someone else, despite my gut feeling. It\u2019s also a character flaw\/ingrained behavior a lot of us fight with.<\/p>\n

I love helping people, seeing\u00a0them happy. \u00a0I enjoy creating opportunities for others to grow and shine, teaching and expanding knowledge, sharing art. \u00a0It\u2019s pretty much my default mode, and generally works out well. \u00a0But sometimes the people-pleaser in me gets me into trouble.<\/p>\n

\"empresscard\"One of the Major Arcana cards that often comes up for me in a reading is The Empress. \u00a0To me, this card speaks of a woman in a position of power, in charge, able to make things happen for others, to grow. \u00a0But her flip side is that she has a problem saying no. \u00a0And when you say yes to too many people, suddenly the Empress is no longer sitting on her throne, and she can\u2019t rule effectively. \u00a0Her attention and time are divided, her power reduced or drained.<\/p>\n

Society has long tried to train women to be pleasers: be a good girl, follow directions, don\u2019t cause trouble, put others before yourself, don\u2019t be selfish, keep the peace. \u00a0(FYI \u2013 I\u2019m not saying society doesn\u2019t screw with men either, it definitely does, but I need to speak of my personal experience here.)<\/em> It becomes so embedded that it\u2019s near instinctual. \u00a0We try to please our parents, our teachers, our partners, our friends, our bosses and coworkers, and even people we don\u2019t know. \u00a0While that can certainly be very nice, especially for others \u2013 we\u2019re often doing harm to ourselves. \u00a0It\u2019s great to help and take care of others, but you can\u2019t do that if you don\u2019t take care of yourself first. \u00a0Part of taking care of yourself is being mindful of your own power.<\/p>\n

This truth applies to mental, physical, spiritual, social, and metaphysical well-being. \u00a0To maintain a healthy level, you need to make conscious choices about how you use your energy. \u00a0Yes, you CAN try to make and\u00a0bake\u00a0twenty varieties of cookies all at once, but they\u2019ll probably turn out better if you choose to do 1-3 kinds instead. Same is true for dealing with people. \u00a0(Yes, everything is about cookies.)<\/a><\/p>\n

Before instantly saying yes to things and people, take a moment to ask yourself:<\/strong>
\n-How much energy does it involve for me to do this? \u00a0Is it something within my means and wheelhouse, or will it take a lot of extra time, materials, brainpower?
\n-What are the likely short-term results? \u00a0How fast\/quickly can the thing happen, does it solve a problem, or create more?
\n-What are the long-term implications? \u00a0Is this a relationship or behavior you want to foster?
\n-What are the benefits? For them, for you, for the big picture?
\n-Are you considering doing this because it\u2019s something you truly feel you need to do, or because you feel obligated?<\/p>\n

The reality is that not everyone who asks you for something has your best intentions in mind. \u00a0Simply, they\u2019re thinking of themselves and their own needs. \u00a0I\u2019m not saying that\u2019s a bad thing, or that you should seek to have an equal exchange of energy always. \u00a0Rather, some people will ask without thinking or considering the consequences \u2013 for anyone. \u00a0Children do that, because they don\u2019t know better or understand yet. \u00a0Adults do it because they refuse to have agency or think beyond themselves. \u00a0Helping them is like pouring a glass of fresh water in the ocean versus watering a plant. \u00a0It\u2019s wasteful and pointless.<\/p>\n

You can try and be a \u201cgood witch\u201d and help everyone out all the time. \u00a0Or you can shoot for better, and lend your energy where it counts the most. \u00a0It means saying no, it means disappointing and possibly angering some people. \u00a0But you need to care of you, otherwise you\u2019re not going to accomplish much. \u00a0You need to follow your own expectations first and foremost.<\/p>\n

So\u00a0my answer to that infamous question at the beginning?<\/p>\n

I said: \u201cI\u2019m an effective Witch.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I would bet that most of you are familiar with that sing-songy question a la The Wizard of Oz: “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” Really, I can’t think of any situation where that’s a fun question to be asked – if you’re actually a Witch. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2676,"featured_media":625,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[267,268,265,266,51,7,158,4,138,128],"class_list":["post-624","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-modernpractice","tag-bad-witch","tag-effective-witch","tag-energy","tag-good-witch","tag-power","tag-witch","tag-witch-power","tag-witchcraft","tag-witchery","tag-witchpower"],"yoast_head":"\nDon't Be A Good Witch...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I would bet that most of you are familiar with that sing-songy question a la The Wizard of Oz: "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" 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