![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/950\/2018\/11\/Father-and-adult-daughter-embracing.jpg\")
<\/p>\nAll girls deserve to have a positive relationship with their father but this relationship can be strained after divorce. Girls and young women stand a better chance of becoming a self-confident woman if they have a close connection with their father. A dad\u2019s presence (or lack of presence) in his daughter\u2019s life will affect how she relates to all men who come after him.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
My research for my book<\/a>,\u00a0Daughters of Divorce<\/em>, spanned over three years and was comprised of over 300 interviews with women who reflected upon their parents\u2019 divorce. The most common themes to emerge from these interviews and surveys were trust, self-esteem issues and a wound in the father-daughter relationship.<\/p>\n There\u2019s good news:\u00a0it\u2019s usually not too late to heal the wound between a father and daughter.<\/strong><\/p>\n In a divorced family, there are many ways that a father-daughter relationship can suffer. According to researcher\u00a0Linda Nielsen<\/a>, after a divorce only 10-15 percent of fathers and daughters get to enjoy the benefits of shared parenting.\u00a0All girls need a loving, dependable father figure to establish a positive identity as a female and cultivate feelings of self-worth. However, many fathers may lose contact due to fear of being rejected by their daughter after divorce. Some remarried dads may become preoccupied with their new lives or may lack the financial resources to support two families.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, many mothers don\u2019t understand the importance of the father-daughter bond and might not encourage it. Consequently, many daughters of divorce have damaged\u00a0relationships<\/a>\u00a0with their fathers. If the damage is severe, a girl can grow into adulthood with low self-esteem and troubled relationships with men.<\/p>\n Many daughters of divorce have trust and abandonment issues that surface as they emerge into young adulthood. Hopefully, your feelings of mistrust will lessen if you find ways to mend it, such as extending trust to partners who show you in word and deed that they are trustworthy. Establishing a healthy level of trust with a partner is possible, but takes time and effort.<\/p>\n Based on my research<\/a>, if your father fits the description of a distant, unavailable or absent dad, you are likely to suffer from some degree of \u201cDaddy Hunger.\u201d One type of distant father is passive \u2014 he seems to lack confidence in parenting and avoids conflicts at all costs. On the other hand, some absent dads lack the maturity, interest or ability to nurture a relationship with a daughter who may put demands on them.<\/p>\n In my experience, daughters of divorce who grow up with a distant, unavailable or absent father tend to grow into adulthood with a diminished sense of trust in men and faith that relationships will last.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not uncommon for a girl to have a delayed reaction to the powerful effects of parental divorce. This delayed reaction coined the \u201csleeper effect<\/a>\u201d\u00a0by distinguished researcher Judith Wallerstein, which may make relationships problematic during young adulthood, just as a young woman is establishing who she is and what she desires from intimate partners.<\/p>\n In order to repair your relationship with your father, you need to examine your preexisting beliefs about him, as well as his ability to restore his connection with you. Remember, it\u2019s never too late to strengthen your relationship with your father.<\/p>\n Pessimism about your father changing: such as thinking\u00a0<\/strong>\u201cMy father isn\u2019t capable of changing.\u201d It might be true that your dad is resistant or doesn\u2019t show much initiative, but maybe you haven\u2019t tried the right approach. For example, calling him would give you more control than simply waiting for him to call you. He might respond in time.<\/p>\n Negative thinking<\/strong>\u00a0such as \u201cIf I try something different it might make things worse.\u201d For daughters of divorce, this usually means it hurts too much and you\u2019d rather be numb than feel the pain.<\/p>\n 8 tips for reconnecting with your father:<\/strong><\/p>\n It\u2019s possible to repair your wound with your father so that your past hurt doesn\u2019t have a negative impact on your present relationships. However, you may want to seek professional help if your relationship with your father doesn\u2019t seem to be improving or you need more guidance or support.<\/p>\n Follow Terry on Twitter<\/a>, Facebook<\/a>, and movingpastdivorce.com<\/a>. Terry\u2019s award winning book Daughters of Divorce<\/a>: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents\u2019 Breakup and Enjoy A Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship was published in January of 2016 by Sourcebooks. Her new book The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time<\/em> Around can he ordered here<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\u00a0It\u2019s important to realize that you are not alone.<\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\u00a0A father is his daughter\u2019s first\u00a0love<\/a>, so of course that relationship will affect how she interacts with other men. According to author\u00a0Meg Meeker MD<\/a>, the love he gives her is a starting point for other relationships. After all, a daughter\u2019s relationship with her father is the first one that teaches her how she should be treated by a man. Girls are particularly vulnerable to the loss of an intact family. Daughters tend to define themselves through relationships and identify with their mother, so they might have a hard time coping if they perceive rejection from their fathers.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nSelf-defeating beliefs that are obstacles to healing your father-daughter wound:<\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nOnce you\u2019ve examined your beliefs about your father\u2019s ability to change, you are ready to begin transforming your relationship with him.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n