{"id":640,"date":"2018-07-05T11:22:28","date_gmt":"2018-07-05T15:22:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/terrygaspard\/?p=640"},"modified":"2019-04-09T15:09:38","modified_gmt":"2019-04-09T19:09:38","slug":"6-reasons-not-to-rush-into-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/terrygaspard\/2018\/07\/6-reasons-not-to-rush-into-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Reasons Not to Rush Into Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Dear Terry,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been dating the same guy for four years and I\u2019m just not ready to make a commitment. We have a good time together but I\u2019m not sure if \u201che\u2019s the one.\u201d It\u2019s so hard to withstand the pressure to get married since I\u2019m 33 and most of my friends are engaged or married. To add to this, Jackson has proposed twice and says he won\u2019t do so again unless I give him a sign that I\u2019ll say yes.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I admit that I\u2019m afraid to be alone and worried that if I don\u2019t say yes to Jackson, this will be my last chance at happiness and I will be alone forever. Please help me because I am seriously confused.<\/p>\n

Thanks!<\/p>\n

Jillian<\/p>\n

Hi Jillian,<\/p>\n

Your situation is all too common, especially in the last decade when people are delaying marriage and there is more concern about making a commitment, the necessity of marriage, and a steady high rate of divorce in The United States. I want to assure you that while your decision is an important one, it\u2019s best not to rush into marriage when you are uncertain and vulnerable to societal pressures to wed.<\/p>\n

A groundbreaking study by Stephanie S. Spielman<\/a> demonstrates that fear of being single is a meaningful predictor of settling for less in relationships and staying with a partner who is wrong for you. The first step in facing your fear of being alone is being comfortable strugging with any stigma attached to being single.<\/p>\n

In her Huffington Post article How to Be Alone (And Not Be Unhappy)<\/em><\/a> Poorna Bell writes, \u201cThere is a problem, a serious cultural problem, about solitude. Being alone in our present society raises an important question about identity and well-being.\u201d Bell posits that there is a contradiction in US culture since we value individualism and autonomy, yet we both fear and dread being alone.<\/p>\n

Growing up, you probably weren\u2019t given good examples of how to be alone. Everything you see in the media promotes how to find the right partner, and make it work. There\u2019s nothing wrong with seeking love, because it\u2019s beautiful and can bring about some of the most treasured moments in our lives. But very few people know how to be alone and do it well. They aren\u2019t happy to be alone. They fear it and seek love wherever they go. Too often the pleasure they find with falling in love is the sweet release of no longer being by themselves in the world.<\/p>\n

Often single women may be especially reluctant to acknowledge the challenges of being alone for fear of being seen as desperate or needy. Perhaps we need new norms for understanding single women in our culture because in times past they were seen as lonely spinsters, quietly languishing in their studio apartments.<\/p>\n

In The Shriver Report: A Woman\u2019s Nation Pushes Back from the Brink,<\/em> Maria Shriver is striving to educate young women about the value of being independent while seeking equal intimate relationships. She says, \u201cI\u2019m trying to teach my daughters that they have to think of themselves as providers and not being provided for. I want to talk to them about being smart about relationships and about money and their futures. I\u2019m trying to teach them not to look at boys as the enemy but to look at them as somebody who will be a partner in whatever they do.\u201d<\/p>\n

According to author Whitney Caudill, \u201cFeeling loneliness or fear from time to time as a single person is normal. In fact, it is normal for everyone.\u201d The key is to recognize this and realize that these are just feelings. Staying in a relationship that is going nowhere to avoid loneliness rarely produces good results.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>6 Reasons not to rush into marriage<\/strong>:<\/p>\n