{"id":6446,"date":"2025-06-15T20:48:57","date_gmt":"2025-06-16T00:48:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/terrygaspard\/?p=6446"},"modified":"2025-06-15T20:54:19","modified_gmt":"2025-06-16T00:54:19","slug":"the-pros-and-cons-of-getting-married-again-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/terrygaspard\/2025\/06\/the-pros-and-cons-of-getting-married-again-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The Pros and Cons of Getting Married Again"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Over the last two decades since my divorce, I\u2019ve come to the conclusion that my first marriage didn\u2019t fail \u2013 it simply ended due to incompatibility and our difficulties resolving ongoing conflicts.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Throughout my journey from an unhappy first marriage to a\u00a0healthier second marriage<\/a>, I\u2019ve examined my first marriage from every angle \u2013 dissecting every reason why it didn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n

I also took my time to decide the kind of second marriage that would work for me and made a list of pros and cons about getting married again. After all, why take a chance on love the second time around if it would be destined to fail? As a therapist, I frequently advise clients to make lists of pros and cons about decisions a lot less crucial than getting married the second or third time around.<\/p>\n

My List of Pros and Cons of Getting married Again:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Pros:<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. After being divorced, I\u2019m a lot clearer about what I want from a relationship.\u00a0<\/strong>Divorce has taught me what relationship dynamic promote my best self. Perhaps if I approach commitment with my eyes wide open<\/a>, I won\u2019t be so easily disappointed when we hit a rough patch.<\/li>\n
  2. I\u2019ll be making a decision based on choice rather than fear of being alone. <\/strong>For instance, when I was in my 20\u2019s, there was a lot of social stigma about being single. Attitudes such as \u201cYou\u2019ll be an old maid\u201d if you are not wed by twenty-five\u201d fueled my fear of being alone.<\/li>\n
  3. I\u2019ve worked through many of my hang-ups and have higher self-esteem<\/strong>. <\/strong>In my case, growing older has helped me gain a healthier perspective on my mistakes. I\u2019m less likely to blame myself for mistakes.\u00a0Rather, I tend to view them as errors in judgment. As a result, I\u2019m more likely to evaluate myself in positive ways and I\u2019m less self-critical.<\/li>\n
  4. I\u2019m smarter about love.\u00a0<\/strong>Since I\u2019ve learned from the past, I believe I\u2019m less likely to repeat it.<\/li>\n
  5. I have a more realistic perspective on marriage.\u00a0<\/strong>A good marriage is work, and there are many inevitable ups and downs. I\u2019ve taken the time to examine your beliefs and expectations about relationships and worked through issues that might be obstacles to success.<\/li>\n
  6. I\u2019ve learned the practice of forgiveness.\u00a0<\/strong>As a result,\u00a0<\/strong>I\u2019m more likely to apologize to my partner when appropriate. I\u2019ve learned that love is not enough to sustain a marriage. Practicing a forgiving mindset has taught me that saying you\u2019re sorry can heal a wound, even when you didn\u2019t hurt your partner\u2019s feelings intentionally.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Cons:<\/strong><\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Getting married may prevent me from pursuing some of my own dreams. <\/strong>A good marriage takes time and fostering it would not allow me the time to work on my own projects and dreams (such as writing another book).<\/li>\n
    2. The divorce rate for second marriages is much higher than first ones so would be risky.<\/strong> I definitely don\u2019t want to endure another divorce.<\/li>\n
    3. I second-guess myself and wonder if I have what it takes to keep a second marriage strong. <\/strong>Since I\u2019m a conflict avoider, practicing good communication can be a challenge at times. When conflict rears its ugly head, it sometimes feels easier to hide my head in the sand rather than listen to my partner\u2019s side of the story and compromise when we disagree on solutions to problems that arise.<\/li>\n
    4. Many friends and family members have advised me to stay single. <\/strong>Because many of my good friends and close family have tied the knot more than once, and have been divorced (more than once), they\u2019ve advised me to play it safe and stay single.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Long story short, after analyzing this list and weighing the importance of each item, I decided not to play it safe and to risk getting married the second time around. Fortunately, in my case I\u2019ve been happily remarried 24 years. After almost a quarter of a decade, I still feel grateful for a fresh start, love my husband (in spite of our differences), and recognize the newness in each day of my marriage.<\/p>\n

      In my opinion, the key ingredients to a successful remarriage are selecting a partner who is a good match for you and both partners willingness to work through the inevitable hard times of a marriage. With courage and persistence, you too can defy the statistics that say that your second or third marriage is doomed to fail and learn to trust yourself and others again.<\/p>\n

      Your divorce experience can make you stronger, more realistic, and better prepared for the requirements of love whether you decide to marry or stay single. Perhaps writing a list of pros can cons (about getting married again) will help you decide whether getting remarried is the right choice for you. In any event, my wish is that you see relationships as teachers and realize you have it within your reach to create satisfying relationships and to achieve personal happiness!<\/p>\n

      Follow Terry Gaspard on XTwitter,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, and\u00a0movingpastdivorce.com<\/strong><\/a>.\u00a0Her book\u00a0Daughters of Divorce<\/strong><\/a>: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents\u2019 Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website. Feel free to ask a question\u00a0here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

      Terry\u2019s forthcoming book,\u00a0The Remarriage Manual:<\/em><\/strong><\/a>\u00a0How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around,<\/em>\u00a0was published by Sounds True in February of 2020.<\/p>\n

      \u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Over the last two decades since my divorce, I\u2019ve come to the conclusion that my first marriage didn\u2019t fail \u2013 it simply ended due to incompatibility and our difficulties resolving ongoing conflicts. Throughout my journey from an unhappy first marriage to a\u00a0healthier second marriage, I\u2019ve examined my first marriage from every angle \u2013 dissecting every […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3446,"featured_media":631,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fbia_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[17,54],"class_list":["post-6446","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-marriage","tag-remarriage"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Pros and Cons of Getting Married Again<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Over the last two decades since my divorce, I\u2019ve come to the conclusion that my first marriage didn\u2019t fail \u2013 it simply ended due to incompatibility and\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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