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Some think this decline is because the progression of individualism has made it more difficult for couples to achieve satisfying and stable relationships.\u00a0 Others believe that changes, such as increasing acceptance of singlehood and cohabitation, have made our lives richer because we have more opportunities for personal growth.<\/p>\n
However, most experts agree that marriage is not discarded but rather deferred. In fact, Richard Settersten, Ph.D. and Barbara E. Ray, authors of Not Quite Adults <\/a><\/em>\u00a0write \u201cMarriage is on hold for this generation, but it is delayed, not abandoned. The majority of young people eventually marry. They are just getting their ducks in a row before they do.\u201d<\/p>\n That said, stereotypes abound about men avoiding commitment and websites such as eHarmony offer advice to women looking to change men who are commitment-phobic. Truth be told, the data from the National Longitudinal Study<\/a> of Adolescent Health (\/basic\/health) (Add Health), a large nationally representative survey of 15,00 young men and women (average age 22) demonstrates that 82 percent of men and 84 percent of women differ little in their desire for commitment \u2014 seeking it as their ultimate goal.<\/p>\n According to recent research done by Pew Research (Pew 2013<\/a>) men and women are equally interested in getting married and say that marriage is an important value in their life (Pew, 2012). Both genders also believe that love is an important reason to get married (Pew, 2012) rather than simply finances, childrearing, or companionship.<\/p>\n Why do young adults delay marriage in the twenty-first century? It makes sense that people in their 20\u2019s and 30\u2019s might hedge their bets and see relationships as risky if they watched their parents\u2019 marriage fail or even relatives and friend\u2019s parents\u2019 marriage collapse. Multiple factors have merged together to create a generation of ambiguity. However, one of the most compelling reasons is cultural since\u00a0 the first generation of children to grow up witnessing mass divorce are now\u00a0 making their own decisions about love and commitment<\/a>.<\/p>\n Divorce expert Paul Amato<\/a> posits that many adult children of divorce (ACODS) fear relationship failure. They fear that when they open themselves up to other people, they will get hurt, and will lose out on love. Fear of failure can hold ACODS back and prevent them from being their best selves. It limits them by causing anxiety and fostering a pessimistic attitude about the future.<\/p>\n Other reasons why people aren\u2019t ready to take the plunge include uncertainty about whether they\u2019ve found the right partner. Perhaps you bought in the myth of finding a sole mate and compare all of your dates to an ideal that doesn\u2019t exist. Some people fear loss of freedom and worry that they\u2019ll begin to see a commitment as a limitation rather than a choice. If this is the case, it\u2019s a clear sign that you are not ready. A healthy relationship is built on love, respect, trust, and mutual admiration rather on obligation.<\/p>\n Many men, like Tyler, fear commitment and don\u2019t really envision themselves in a committed relationship. He just can\u2019t see a relationship working out, but he loves his girlfriend Ashley. Tyler is a successful, educated young man, but relationships have not been a priority for him as he\u2019s been busy finishing up his degree in business management and looking for jobs. Although he says he doesn\u2019t believe in marriage (he watched his parents\u2019 part ways when he was sixteen), he wants someone who will be a true match for him and who enjoys similar interests.<\/p>\n \u201cI think I can have a happy marriage, but I fluctuate,\u201d he says. \u201cIf it\u2019s the right woman, if we\u2019re both compatible, I\u2019ll be all in. But it\u2019s going to take a lot to prove it to me because I want it to be foolproof.\u201d Tyler\u2019s craving for a failsafe relationship will always be unsatisfied because such relationships don\u2019t exist.<\/p>\n By acting from a place of mistrust and apprehension, Tyler is most certainly creating his future, or what he calls, a \u201cself-fulfilling prophecy.\u201d There are no guarantees in any relationship. Some work out and some don\u2019t but approaching relationships with fear or doubt almost guarantees a negative outcome. A lot of Tyler\u2019s fears began after his mom moved out with a friend of his dads when he was a sophomore in high school. Since then, he can\u2019t seem to shake the feeling that all relationships are doomed.<\/p>\n 6 ways to get ready for commitment: <\/strong><\/p>\n Know that no relationship is conflict free, but you are worthy of having a relationship that makes you happy. Maybe you simply haven\u2019t met the right person yet or you\u2019re simply comfortable with the way things are. If you aren\u2019t there yet, embrace where you are now. What is it that holds you back from achieving a satisfying relationship? And once you have it, what will you do when you get there?<\/p>\n Relationships, whether they last three months or three decades, can provide their participants with the love, understanding, and intimacy they need at the time. So why not take a chance on someone who has demonstrated consistency between their words and deeds. But if you are comfortable staying uncommitted, embrace your single lifestyle and know that there will be more men and women available for others!<\/p>\n Follow Terry Gaspard on Facebook,<\/a> Twitter<\/a> and moving pastdivorce.com<\/a>. She is pleased to announce the publication of her new book \u201cDaughters of Divorce<\/a>: Overcome the Legacy of Their Parents\u2019 Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Over the last fifty years, there has been a quiet shift in the landscape of family life in America. Approximately 50 percent of adults over age eighteen marry; this number is compared to 72% in 1960, according to\u00a0The Pew Research Center. The medium age at first marriage has never been higher for brides (26.5 years) […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3446,"featured_media":4912,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fbia_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[112,36,17],"class_list":["post-6479","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-commitment","tag-love","tag-marriage"],"yoast_head":"\n\n