{"id":27258,"date":"2011-04-14T01:11:44","date_gmt":"2011-04-14T01:11:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/community\/theanchoress\/?p=27258"},"modified":"2015-03-13T17:39:37","modified_gmt":"2015-03-13T17:39:37","slug":"difficult-lent-love-pain-and-balance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/theanchoress\/2011\/04\/14\/difficult-lent-love-pain-and-balance\/","title":{"rendered":"Difficult Lent – Love, Pain and Balance"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

It\u2019s been a difficult Lent, for me, at least.<\/strong> Lots of things to ponder, and so little free time to really do it. One thing I\u2019ve learned this Lent is that I am lending more time to work than to the things that matter. Not that work doesn\u2019t matter. It certainly does<\/em>, and I love my job, and I am grateful, every single day<\/em> to be able to make a living as a writer. But too much work has taken time away from people, from prayer and from the simple duties I have to the people I love and the God I worship.<\/p>\n

And the other simple duty, which is to be make time to really think<\/em> about things: to use reason and contemplation and be open to instruction.<\/p>\n

A hard Lent. Today has been very hard, indeed. So hard, I don\u2019t even have words for it. That\u2019s a new one.<\/p>\n

The last time it was this hard,<\/strong> I posted this<\/em>:<\/p>\n

This trembling mystery: love cannot exist without pain.<\/p>\n

Love brings the pain; it lets pain in. The key to all that makes us vulnerable. And alive.<\/p>\n

And hurt.<\/p>\n

And alive.<\/p>\n

Pain can exist without love, but not the reverse.<\/p>\n

All creation is loved into being. Did that make the Creator vulnerable, too?<\/p>\n

At the Incarnation, God-with-us came helpless, for us, with us, to us.<\/p>\n

The reassuring love\u2026<\/p>\n

But did Christ also need to come to tell us God hurt<\/em>?<\/p>\n

To show us the hurt, and expose the pain \u2013 to show God alive, and hurt<\/em>?<\/p>\n

Once the great pope, John Paul II was found<\/strong>, embracing the Tabernacle in his arms, and crooning a Polish song as a parent would use to comfort a child. When asked about it, he replied, \u201cI don\u2019t know how else to comfort Him\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Was the tree of knowledge off-limits to keep us from knowing love the way God knew it \u2013 love so full of the ache of longing, of such be-longing \u2013 as might break our hearts and leave<\/em> us broken. So, broken.<\/p>\n

Saved, but broken. Mended, but never whole.<\/p>\n

Did wisdom bring the awareness<\/strong><\/a> of love, and love the knowledge of hurt?<\/p>\n

Did God try to shield us from knowing what He knew \u2013 the way we know (the way we\u2019ve learned) \u2013 how to bring it; the pain.<\/p>\n

This Lent has brought it \u2013 the searing lesson I am better for learning but wish I had never known:
\n
\nEveryone I have ever loved I have hurt.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Awful knowledge. Unendurable. Knowledge to make one appreciate doubt and the easier way; the way of no cross.<\/p>\n

Because if I love, and I make hurt, I am culpable. My fault, my own fault, my most grievous fault.<\/p>\n

O save me.<\/p>\n

Knowing all I can\u2019t undo, I can only ask for mercy, and can only be mercy in return.<\/p>\n

Which is insufficient.<\/p>\n

Whom we love, we hurt, because we know we can.<\/p>\n

And understanding that brings the deepest hurt of all.<\/p>\n

Self-loathing can be treated and contained, like most outbreaks, but containment does not cure.<\/p>\n

The knowing \u2013 the \u201chappy fault\u201d of Adam \u2013 is too much to be borne, a travel-case so over-packed and heavy I cannot lift it. I am impeded and thus imperiled. There is no way forward without the God who has loved me without causing pain, even as I\u2019ve loved him back the way I\u2019ve loved all<\/em> my own \u2013 imperfectly; faulty love that has come with a scourge \u2013 too, too often with a scourge.<\/p>\n

I asked for a fruitful Lent. It\u2019s not even half over.<\/p>\n

Be careful what you ask for in prayer. God takes you at your word, and He is an abidingly patient but thorough teacher, with unsoundable depths.<\/p>\n

There is no hurt so deep, though, that Jesus is not deeper, still. The trembling mystery of love that I cling to.<\/p>\n

But now I understand, a little, why some prefer not to believe, at all.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\nhttp:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=-m_VBR8XZYI<\/a>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s been a difficult Lent, for me, at least. Lots of things to ponder, and so little free time to really do it. One thing I\u2019ve learned this Lent is that I am lending more time to work than to the things that matter. Not that work doesn\u2019t matter. It certainly does, and I love […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":112,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[154],"tags":[2112,4867],"class_list":["post-27258","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lent","tag-johnny-cash","tag-lent"],"yoast_head":"\nDifficult Lent - Love, Pain and Balance<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It's been a difficult Lent, for me, at least. Lots of things to ponder, and so little free time to really do it. 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