{"id":10922,"date":"2013-08-14T13:35:13","date_gmt":"2013-08-14T17:35:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/?p=10922"},"modified":"2017-01-25T19:46:03","modified_gmt":"2017-01-26T00:46:03","slug":"10922","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2013\/08\/10922.html","title":{"rendered":"Phenomenally Craptastic Week&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC \"-\/\/W3C\/\/DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional\/\/EN\" \"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/TR\/REC-html40\/loose.dtd\">\n<html><head><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><\/head><body><p>\u2026 I missed my calling as a hermit or rather a pampered recluse. The general public never ceases to amaze me, and by amaze I mean ::facepalm:: I guess I should be seriously grateful I\u2019m not in customer service. I studied forensic pathology for years in hopes of never having to work with the living. Or at least seriously minimizing my contact. <\/p>\n<p>Fast forward fifteen years and here I am knee deep in the general public. Last week I was asked out by an ax murderer. Well, I don\u2019t know if he actually used an ax to murder his victim but I still cautiously declined. Then there was this other dude at my desk today eating sunflower seeds and spitting the shells in a ziploc baggy. And when he looked up to talk to me he had shells all stuck to his lips and spit running down his chin. I was all like\u2026<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/66\/2013\/08\/Lloyd-Christmas-Cry-and-Gag-Dumb-and-Dumber.gif\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/66\/2013\/08\/Lloyd-Christmas-Cry-and-Gag-Dumb-and-Dumber.gif\" alt=\"\" title=\"Lloyd-Christmas-Cry-and-Gag-Dumb-and-Dumber\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10925\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Thoroughly nauseous I skipped lunch to leave work a few minutes early\u2026 so I could race home, change my clothes, wrestle an unwilling child into church attire, drive like mad to get to mass on time and celebrate a holy day of obligation that isn\u2019t till to-freaking-morrow! <\/p>\n<p>What followed next was a complete melt down in the empty church parking lot. <\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/66\/2013\/08\/throwing-a-fit.gif\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/66\/2013\/08\/throwing-a-fit.gif\" alt=\"\" title=\"throwing-a-fit\" width=\"246\" height=\"135\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10926\"><\/a>    <\/p>\n<p>I need a box o\u2019 wine now. Just pour it in my face, please.    <\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u2026 I missed my calling as a hermit or rather a pampered recluse. The general public never ceases to amaze me, and by amaze I mean ::facepalm:: I guess I should be seriously grateful I\u2019m not in customer service. I studied forensic pathology for years in hopes of never having to work with the living. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":78,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[59,16,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10922","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bat-shit-crazy","category-mass-hysteria","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Phenomenally Craptastic Week...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"... I missed my calling as a hermit or rather a pampered recluse. The general public never ceases to amaze me, and by amaze I mean ::facepalm:: I guess I\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2013\/08\/10922.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Phenomenally Craptastic Week...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"... I missed my calling as a hermit or rather a pampered recluse. The general public never ceases to amaze me, and by amaze I mean ::facepalm:: I guess I\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2013\/08\/10922.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Crescat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-08-14T17:35:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-01-26T00:46:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/files\/2013\/08\/Lloyd-Christmas-Cry-and-Gag-Dumb-and-Dumber.gif\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Katrina Fernandez\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Katrina Fernandez\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"1 minute\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2013\/08\/10922.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2013\/08\/10922.html\",\"name\":\"Phenomenally Craptastic Week...\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2013-08-14T17:35:13+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-01-26T00:46:03+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/#\/schema\/person\/c9dc4618a6b6ed3f289501dad3a031b2\"},\"description\":\"... 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