{"id":12737,"date":"2014-12-27T14:54:31","date_gmt":"2014-12-27T19:54:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/?p=12737"},"modified":"2015-01-10T21:37:34","modified_gmt":"2015-01-11T02:37:34","slug":"dear-crabby-should-i-try-online-dating-sites","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2014\/12\/dear-crabby-should-i-try-online-dating-sites.html","title":{"rendered":"Dear Crabby, Should I Try Online Dating Sites…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\u2026 It\u2019s holiday party season time. You know what that means? \u2018Tis the season to be constantly reminded that I am alone. Always alone. As if I could forget. <\/p>\n

Alone at mass\u2026<\/p>\n

\"alone\"<\/a><\/p>\n

and at social gatherings.<\/p>\n

\"new<\/a><\/p>\n

Alone.<\/p>\n

\"all<\/a><\/p>\n

Google ads and evil email spam bots started targeting me over two months ago \u2014 join today and reserve your 33% off discount to findahusband.com, click here to activate your free trial of youdontwanttodiealonedoyou.com, or try the #1 dating site for singles now at itsbetterthandrinkingalone.com <\/p>\n

Only I have a dog, so technically<\/em> I never drink alone. <\/p>\n

\"Judgemental<\/a><\/p>\n

Since I\u2019ve written about online dating in the past<\/a> that makes me an expert.* And because I am such an expert* people tend to seek out my advice from time to time on the matter. <\/p>\n

Here\u2019s an example of the typical correspondence I get from readers on the subject. <\/p>\n

\"dear<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Pitifully Single Crescat Sad Lady, <\/p>\n

I heard you\u2019ve been on every dating website that\u2019s ever existed. Can you tell me which ones are the best? Do you have any advice or tips you can share with me?<\/p>\n

Yours Truly,
\nHopelessly Optimistic <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What Hopelessly Optimistic failed to ask was if I thought online dating sites where a good idea to begin with. <\/p>\n

Before I get into site reviews and tips, the number one thing that each person should ask themselves before joining an online match making service is if they ready to share their life with other people. Like really ready? Beard hair on the sink, toilet seat up, sees you without your makeup ready? Or are they just caught up in the emotional pity party that typical leads up to Valentine\u2019s Day? <\/p>\n

Next, I ask the if they are ready to sell themselves online. Because that\u2019s what you\u2019re doing by joining these sites \u2014 selling yourself online like just another commodity, to be filtered out of countless other commodities based on search engine results that narrow you down by appearance, education, and personal preferences. <\/p>\n

\"totes<\/a><\/p>\n

Michelle Arnold wrote a great post about online dating some time back, and we are in agreement on this idea of \u201cselling\u201d yourself. She writes<\/a>, <\/p>\n

I often wonder why more people don\u2019t find it revolting to market their romantic availability to strangers on the Internet, where their biographical sketches are being assessed and picked through by consumers as if they were of no more importance or value than handmade crafts on Etsy. Perhaps it is a byproduct of our tell-all culture, but not many people seem to understand that \u201cselling yourself,\u201d at least in regards to selling your romantic \u201cavailability,\u201d is not admirable. The human person is not a product to be sold, bartered, traded, or marketed\u2014no matter how worthy the cause.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Another important thing I ask is if they have any children. If their answer is yes, then my answer is no. No, you should not be online dating. Not only is this inviting trouble for you, but it could potentially dangerous for your children. Do you really want to risk your children\u2019s safety? More on this later, but it is a very poor idea to casually date when you are responsible for children. <\/p>\n

Below are a few questions I usually ask someone who has written me on the subject. <\/p>\n

1) Are you a typically happy person?
\n2) What was going on in your life right before you made the decision to join an online dating site?(ex: a friend\u2019s wedding or engagement, a financial pitfall, any major life events)
\n3) What specifically do you have to offer another person?
\n4) What is the main<\/em> reason you want to start your search?
\n5) Are you free of other attachments that may prevent you from seeking a spouse?
\n6) Have you talked with many married people? How many married friends do you have?
\n7) What\u2019s your spiritual life look like? Maybe your longing is related to ignoring your faith?<\/p>\n

After giving proper consideration to the above, Hopelessly Optimistic usually turns into Hopefully Optimistic With Realistic Expectations and the idea of joining an online dating site becomes dramatically less appealing. <\/p>\n

See, it\u2019s not about which dating website you use or how polished your online profile looks. It\u2019s about evaluating your level of emotional maturity to see if you\u2019re realistically ready for a serious relationship and not just trying to use people to fell better about yourself. <\/p>\n

So while I do personally know people who have met their spouses online, those numbers are significantly lower compared to the people I know who\u2019ve used them with negative results. Because of this I don\u2019t recommend anyone start looking for a serious spouse using dating websites as a resource. <\/p>\n

Instead what I recommend is a long, proper internal evaluation of where you are in life, where you want to be, and what you\u2019re willing to do to get there. <\/p>\n

*expert \u2013 term used loosely and maybe a little inaccurately. Just a little<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u2026 It\u2019s holiday party season time. You know what that means? \u2018Tis the season to be constantly reminded that I am alone. Always alone. As if I could forget. Alone at mass\u2026 and at social gatherings. Alone. Google ads and evil email spam bots started targeting me over two months ago \u2014 join today and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":78,"featured_media":15185,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[97,819],"tags":[1016],"class_list":["post-12737","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-being-single","category-dear-crabby","tag-online-dating"],"yoast_head":"\nDear Crabby, Should I Try Online Dating Sites...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"... It's holiday party season time. You know what that means? 'Tis the season to be constantly reminded that I am alone. Always alone. 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