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{"id":14267,"date":"2014-06-29T11:21:38","date_gmt":"2014-06-29T15:21:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/?p=14267"},"modified":"2015-01-10T21:37:45","modified_gmt":"2015-01-11T02:37:45","slug":"oh-internet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2014\/06\/oh-internet.html","title":{"rendered":"Oh, internet…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\u2026 Today I will conquer the world! <\/p>\n

I will rise at dawn and spend an hour in contemplative prayer. Then I will take the dog for a jog and exercise, followed by a nice hot shower and a healthy homemade breakfast. Then I will write something profound and meaningful on my blog and change the world. <\/p>\n

The rest of my day will be spent productively doing yard work. Then I will toast my efforts with an adult libation enjoyed in the comfort of my hammock. <\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Reality. <\/p>\n

I will hit my snooze button four times!<\/p>\n

I will begrudgingly rise an hour and a half later then planned. I will check my email. Oh, look. An email from a long time friend. Gotta reply to that. Let\u2019s check my bank account. Hmmm, I wonder if there are any good movies showing. Before I forget, I need that chili recipe for next weekend. Google chili recipe. Image search chili. Follow link to Pinterest. Add pictures of chili to my board, \u201cSh*t I Will Burn.\u201d Look at more Pinterest. <\/p>\n

Realize it\u2019s almost noon and you\u2019re still in your pajamas. <\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Spiral into self-loathing. Have ice cream for breakfast. Surrender to the internet and check Facebook. Resistance is futile. Accomplish nothing and binge watch episodes of Parks and Recreation. <\/p>\n

Curse you, internet. <\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"