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{"id":18545,"date":"2015-04-22T18:54:04","date_gmt":"2015-04-22T22:54:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/?p=18545"},"modified":"2015-04-22T19:02:01","modified_gmt":"2015-04-22T23:02:01","slug":"hey-look-at-me-im-fat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2015\/04\/hey-look-at-me-im-fat.html","title":{"rendered":"Hey look at me, I’m fat…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Why bother indeed. <\/p>\n

Because I need to write about it. <\/p>\n

I forgot that I originally started writing this blog for me<\/em> as an interactive journal. I also forgot that over the course of the years I\u2019ve built very strong friendships through my writings and that as a Catholic community you\u2019ve shown me how much we can really care about each other. That much became evident when I shared my abortion story. <\/p>\n

I get emails from time to time from readers who often tell me how my writing has in some way uplifted or positively influenced them, but you probably don\u2019t read too many blogs where the author confesses just how much they emotionally and spiritually gain from their readership. <\/p>\n

So I am going to write the post that I\u2019ve avoided all these years because 1) it needs to get out and 2) I need you guys to help me through this. <\/p>\n

This is me. The most recent me. <\/p>\n

$\"10497240_10203272537107852_4493706894845212917_o\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

I am the obese one in the red and blue striped shirt. <\/p>\n

This is the me<\/em> that I have avoided acknowledging for so very long. I have avoided this me<\/em> in photos and in the mirror. I\u2019ve been in terrible denial about how badly my weight has escalated for years now. <\/p>\n

This is size 24, 285 lb me. <\/p>\n

This is out of breath, always exhausted, bad back me. <\/p>\n

This is the me that I intend to change, starting now. <\/p>\n

Why am I putting this all out there like this? Because I need to get out of denial quick before it kills me. I need to see those words, \u201c285 lbs\u201d, and really take a good look at myself. My real self. Not the self I imagine to be in my head and not the self I avoid in mirrors. <\/p>\n

$\"seems$ <\/a><\/p>\n

By hiding my appearance and refusing to acknowledge just how far I\u2019ve let myself go, I haven\u2019t been able to like myself much. It\u2019s just one long cycle of embarrassment and shame and hiding. A cycle that plays itself out in binge eating and fast food drive thrus. <\/p>\n

If I finally look at myself, truly see who I am, than I have no where to hide and eat away the self loathing. You guys see I am fat, and I can see I\u2019m fat.<\/p>\n

Now hopefully I can move past the denial and shame and get right to the \u201clet\u2019s do something about this\u201d phase. <\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to turn this into a diet blog, but I do want to post weekly updates on my progess \u2013 mostly to keep me honest and focused \u2013 so you guys can cheer me along the way. Will you do that for me? <\/p>\n

I\u2019m on My Fitness Pal<\/a> as \u2018kfebersole\u2019 and if you follow me on facebook<\/a> or twitter<\/a> you can send me a \u201cYou can do it!\u201d message. I welcome advice, eating tips, recipes, exercises, your favorite websites and apps, and fat jokes. Especially fat jokes. I\u2019ll never make it through this without daily doses of humor. <\/p>\n

And if I act more stabb-y than usual it\u2019s just chocolate withdrawal, nothing personal. <\/p>\n

What do you say? You wanna join me on this roller coaster? <\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"