Gone is the Convert High, the years of being deeply entrenched in theological study, and spending my evenings talking about the Church with fellow converts. My days are not spent at adoration and daily mass. I am not an expert or a theologian and I don\u2019t want to misrepresent myself as some kind of professional Papist. I am just a lay person trying very very very hard to keep Catholicism as close to me as humanly possible when my everyday life seems so very far the Church. So I write about Catholicism. I read about Catholicism. And I write some more. Because as long as I write Catholicism will never be far from me. <\/p>\n
They never talked about this struggle when I was converting. I just believed my faith would become an effortless part of my daily life, like brushing my teeth. No, that doesn\u2019t sound right. That makes it sound like a chore. But to say that some days being Catholic feels like a major chore wouldn\u2019t be an exaggeration either. <\/p>\n
Some times it\u2019s actually a major pain in the ass. Like when I want to do something really bad and know I shouldn\u2019t. Then I sit there and think how what I want to do would sound coming out of my mouth and into the ears of my confessor. How once I make up my mind to do a very bad thing I separate myself from God and I think \u201cDamn, if I wasn\u2019t Catholic this wouldn\u2019t even be an issue\u201d. <\/p>\n
So instead of being bad I write. <\/p>\n
Then there are times when I forget to pray or my prayer sounds as flat as mud splattering on pavement. Some days I have as much enthusiasm for prayer and devotion as I have for doing yard work, which is to say absolutely none. Forget ora et labora when most days are so crazy I forget to eat. <\/p>\n
So instead of forgetting or not praying I write. <\/p>\n
And yes, sometimes I even have to force myself to do that much. When I feel like a nominal Catholic I write. When I feel like a tired Catholic I write. When I feel like a lazy Catholic I write. Even when God feels so very far away I write. <\/p>\n
This blog, my writing, is one great tremendous effort to stay as humanly and spiritually close to God and my faith as possible. Some days I accomplish that better than others. Some days the words flow as effortlessly as reciting the rosary. Whatever it is, it is most certainly a determined act of will. <\/p>\n
![](\"https:\/\/i26.photobucket.com\/albums\/c145\/solekat205\/art\/stevenstheletter.jpg\")
\nAlfred Stevens, The Letter<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Why do I write? Because I have to. There was never a time in my life where I wasn\u2019t compulsively writing or keeping some type of journal. Cleaning out my closet last year I realized I have kept a written log of my life since I was 7 years old. It\u2019s impossible to believe I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":78,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[248],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5692","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal"],"yoast_head":"\n