all consuming jealousy...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"... Have you ever woken up in a bad mood for absolutely no reason and then decided to nurse that anger all day long... you know, just cause. Today started\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"all consuming jealousy...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"... Have you ever woken up in a bad mood for absolutely no reason and then decided to nurse that anger all day long... you know, just cause. Today started\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Crescat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-06-25T23:46:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-01-27T03:31:58+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/files\/2012\/06\/2167771858.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Katrina Fernandez\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Katrina Fernandez\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html\",\"name\":\"all consuming jealousy...\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2012-06-25T23:46:49+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-01-27T03:31:58+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/#\/schema\/person\/c9dc4618a6b6ed3f289501dad3a031b2\"},\"description\":\"... Have you ever woken up in a bad mood for absolutely no reason and then decided to nurse that anger all day long... you know, just cause. Today started\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"all consuming jealousy…\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/\",\"name\":\"The Crescat\",\"description\":\"Fortified with vitamin BXVI. Not a substitute for regular mass attendance. Side effects may include mackerel snapping.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/#\/schema\/person\/c9dc4618a6b6ed3f289501dad3a031b2\",\"name\":\"Katrina Fernandez\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/63fb79a49cad186031168f8db7e7abe1?s=96&d=retro&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/63fb79a49cad186031168f8db7e7abe1?s=96&d=retro&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Katrina Fernandez\"},\"description\":\"Mackerel Snapping Papist\",\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/author\/thecrescat\"}]}<\/script>\n","yoast_head_json":{"title":"all consuming jealousy...","description":"... Have you ever woken up in a bad mood for absolutely no reason and then decided to nurse that anger all day long... you know, just cause. Today started","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"all consuming jealousy...","og_description":"... Have you ever woken up in a bad mood for absolutely no reason and then decided to nurse that anger all day long... you know, just cause. Today started","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html","og_site_name":"The Crescat","article_published_time":"2012-06-25T23:46:49+00:00","article_modified_time":"2017-01-27T03:31:58+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/files\/2012\/06\/2167771858.jpg"}],"author":"Katrina Fernandez","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Katrina Fernandez","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html","name":"all consuming jealousy...","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/#website"},"datePublished":"2012-06-25T23:46:49+00:00","dateModified":"2017-01-27T03:31:58+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/#\/schema\/person\/c9dc4618a6b6ed3f289501dad3a031b2"},"description":"... Have you ever woken up in a bad mood for absolutely no reason and then decided to nurse that anger all day long... you know, just cause. Today started","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"all consuming jealousy…"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/","name":"The Crescat","description":"Fortified with vitamin BXVI. Not a substitute for regular mass attendance. Side effects may include mackerel snapping.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/#\/schema\/person\/c9dc4618a6b6ed3f289501dad3a031b2","name":"Katrina Fernandez","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/63fb79a49cad186031168f8db7e7abe1?s=96&d=retro&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/63fb79a49cad186031168f8db7e7abe1?s=96&d=retro&r=g","caption":"Katrina Fernandez"},"description":"Mackerel Snapping Papist","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/"],"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/author\/thecrescat"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6499","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/78"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6499"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6499\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6499"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6499"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6499"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}

{"id":6499,"date":"2012-06-25T19:46:49","date_gmt":"2012-06-25T23:46:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/?p=6499"},"modified":"2017-01-26T22:31:58","modified_gmt":"2017-01-27T03:31:58","slug":"all-consuming-jealousy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/06\/all-consuming-jealousy.html","title":{"rendered":"all consuming jealousy…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Someone ate the last candy bar from the snack machine. A co-worker bragged about their fancy European vacation while another showed off photos from their cruise. And everyone in the damn world is getting married this month. No seriously. Every damn body. Except me of course. And I hate June. I hate everything about this God forsaken month. I\u2019m not a fan of July either. I just get older in that month; one year closer to death. August is when Hell opens up and and engulfs North Carolina in sweltering flames. <\/p>\n

My car just surpassed the 200K mark and the engine protests loudly every time I start her up. Oh, and did I mention everyone in the world is getting married this month. OK, maybe not everyone is getting married this month. Some people are getting married in the fall, like a guy I use to date and his perky 24 year old girlfriend. Did I mention he\u2019s 45? I bet their bridal party will look like this\u2026 <\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

What? Too judgmental of me? Oh, well. We all have our flaws and mine is being occasionally unbearably cranky. Fine, \u201coccasionally\u201d is being conservative. I\u2019ve been unbelievable cranky these past few weeks and I don\u2019t know why. I just can\u2019t stop being jealous\u2026 jealous that someone\u2019s blog is more popular than mine, drives a nicer car, has a loving spouse, looks good in skinny jeans, is in their twenties with their whole life ahead of them while I\u2019m pushing forty and have graying hair. I\u2019m jealous of wedding announcements and new babies. <\/p>\n

Worse, I am letting these jealous feelings cripple me. I feel so ugly. Not ugly physically, inwardly. The ugliness is impeding my writing as well. All I want to do is blog one nasty thing after another. Critical, demeaning things; hateful and mocking. <\/p>\n

I get this way from time to time. I get angry at the extra burdens placed on me due to my situation. I think it started on Father\u2019s Day when my son was crying during the homily because his father has never so much as called him on his birthday. He\u2019s never gotten a card or present for Christmas from him either. When I see the hurt in my son\u2019s eyes it\u2019s all I can do to not damn all men. Then I have to remind myself there are decent men out there getting married all the time, just not to me. And I get angry all over again. <\/p>\n

I get angry that other families can send their kids to Catholic school, other non-Catholic families, while many practicing Catholic families can\u2019t even afford the $100 application fee \u2013 like me. I get angry at those people who only pray to God when they want something or it\u2019s convenient for them and their prayers get answered right away while I pray and beg God every night for years on end with no result. <\/p>\n

His silence enrages me at times. These are dark feelings to have but I think they are just part of our human weakness. At least I hope so anyway. Usually when these thoughts creep into my mind they are fleeting and can easily be pushed away. Other times the thoughts take up an extended residency. They\u2019ve certainly outstayed their welcome this month. <\/p>\n

Weird though\u2026 I\u2019m not quite finished being mad yet. <\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"