{"id":7639,"date":"2012-10-25T11:04:42","date_gmt":"2012-10-25T15:04:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/?p=7639"},"modified":"2017-01-26T17:48:29","modified_gmt":"2017-01-26T22:48:29","slug":"im-about-to-blather-on-about-wedding-dresses-men-avert-your-eyes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thecrescat\/2012\/10\/im-about-to-blather-on-about-wedding-dresses-men-avert-your-eyes.html","title":{"rendered":"I&#8217;m about to blather on about wedding dresses; men avert your eyes&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC \"-\/\/W3C\/\/DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional\/\/EN\" \"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/TR\/REC-html40\/loose.dtd\">\n<html><head><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><\/head><body><p>\u2026 No, I\u2019m not engaged. But so what. I want to talk about wedding dresses. One time a friend of mine and I bought big ugly cubic zirconia rings and pretended to be engaged just to be able to try on the dresses. We made an appointment at a local bridal shop and had a blast drinking champagne and talking about our dashing fianc\u00e9es, Charles and Sebastian *wink wink*, with the sales clerk. <\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve always wanted to go to one of those super sales at David\u2019s Bridal and buy a $99 wedding dress, you know, just to have. Every girl needs a nice little frock to wear about the house, scrubbing pots and doing laundry. Imagine how much more glamorous it would make even the simplest of chores. <\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/66\/2012\/10\/weddingdress_B_035_large.jpg\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/66\/2012\/10\/weddingdress_B_035_large.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"weddingdress_B_035_large\" width=\"500\" height=\"333\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-7640\"><\/a> <\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>Have you ever been to confession and gone into to church at the tail end of a wedding and the wedding party was still hanging about getting their photos taken? Then you know of which I speak. Good Lord, what happened to the Wedding Dress?! If I were Queen of the Land I would outlaw strapless wedding gowns, backless wedding gowns, and cleavage baring gowns. If I were Pope of the Land I would decree that no priest could wed a couple where the bride was <a href=\"http:\/\/tackyweddings.files.wordpress.com\/2008\/02\/jordan_aka_katie_price_wedding_dress11.jpg\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">showing her breasts<\/a>. <\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/66\/2012\/10\/original.jpg\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/66\/2012\/10\/original.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"original\" width=\"660\" height=\"340\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-7645\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m addicted to <a href=\"http:\/\/tlc.howstuffworks.com\/tv\/say-yes-to-the-dress\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">Say Yes to the Dress<\/a>. Actually, I\u2019m addicted to <a href=\"http:\/\/blog.lib.umn.edu\/meyer769\/psy_1001\/6a00d8341bf67c53ef012876b4d5a4970c-800wi.jpg\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\">mocking the whorish ensembles<\/a> those women chose. I watch that show sitting on my couch eating cereal for dinner with a side of box-o-wine, un-judged by a husband.  <\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve given a great deal of thought to the wedding dress I would wear, should I find a man willing and brave enough. It would be flowing, with shoulders and breasts covered. And not white, cause who are we kidding. I would wear long gloves and <a href=\"http:\/\/shopruche.com\/ever-thine-taupe-fascinator.html\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">this fascinator<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/66\/2012\/10\/2012-10-25_1048.png\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/66\/2012\/10\/2012-10-25_1048.png\" alt=\"\" title=\"2012-10-25_1048\" width=\"545\" height=\"788\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-7654\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/shopruche.com\/margarete-in-sand.html\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">The Margarete in Sand<\/a>. <\/p>\n<p>And if I never get married I can sit around the house in it and watch episodes of Downton Abbey. Win win. <\/p>\n<p><strong>Related Link<\/strong>: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.diaryofavintagegirl.com\/2012\/10\/no-ceremony-my-vintage-wedding-shoot.html\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">Diary of a Vintage Girl has a Vintage Wedding<\/a>.  <\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u2026 No, I\u2019m not engaged. But so what. I want to talk about wedding dresses. One time a friend of mine and I bought big ugly cubic zirconia rings and pretended to be engaged just to be able to try on the dresses. We made an appointment at a local bridal shop and had a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":78,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[138],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7639","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-girly-blather"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>I&#039;m about to blather on about wedding dresses; men avert your eyes...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"... No, I&#039;m not engaged. But so what. I want to talk about wedding dresses. 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