{"id":1801,"date":"2021-05-31T09:43:06","date_gmt":"2021-05-31T15:43:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/thedesertsanctuary\/?p=1801"},"modified":"2021-05-31T09:57:36","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T15:57:36","slug":"being-with-my-bypassing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thedesertsanctuary\/2021\/05\/being-with-my-bypassing\/","title":{"rendered":"Being with my Bypassing"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

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Photo by cottonbro from Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

Thousands of years of a tradition and philosophy and religion have coalesced together to give us our practices and preferences of the present day.\u00a0 No matter how original we think we are, most of what we do and how we act, especially in religion, is inherited.\u00a0 One of the most unfortunate things we acquire, especially from religion, is spiritual bypassing<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I talked about it my recent book, Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u201cEver since man invented religion to help him understand God, he has spent a lot of time trying to transcend this earth and avoid the physical realities of life.\u00a0 To me, spiritual bypassing is using spiritual language or making religious excuses for not doing the hard and difficult work of navigating this world that we live in.\u00a0 We are spiritual beings, but we also must face the hard realities of our woundedness and struggles as humans.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 \u00a0~Karl Forehand, Being p. 63<\/p>\n

Often, we use religious catchphrases to get us past the uncomfortable realities of life like: \u201cGod is in control\u201d, \u201cGod probably has a purpose\u201d, \u201cI will pray for you\u201d, or other things that we feel will help us quickly get through our difficult moments.<\/p>\n

I also made the following observation in the book.<\/p>\n

\u201c<\/em>People that study neural pathways and brain function call it dissociating.\u00a0 It means to \u201cto disconnect or separate.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Spiritual bypassing separates us from our humanity and all its messiness and struggles and pain and makes us feel good briefly.\u00a0 I noticed many of my faith communities seemed stubbornly determined to be happy; having said that, sometimes the human condition calls for something different than happiness.\u00a0 Bypassing tries to convince us that we should avoid anything painful and just pray that God would take it away magically.\u201d\u00a0 <\/em>~Karl Forehand, Being \u00a0p. 66<\/p>\n

I feel so strongly about spiritual bypassing and believe if we could make progress in this area, we would be miles ahead of where we are now.\u00a0 Spiritual bypassing is how I avoided addressing my trauma for 20+ years.\u00a0 This avoidance brought me to my crisis is 2018 where I felt like my life was over.<\/p>\n

Spiritual bypassing keeps us grounded at a superficial level and won\u2019t allow us to allocate any time to the messier, complicated aspects of life.\u00a0 It keeps our theology simple, but ineffective.\u00a0 It holds our psyche hostage and our well-being in check as it does not allow us to spend the necessary time getting in shape (so to speak).\u00a0 In this way of living, mental health becomes not just a concern, but a full-blown crisis.<\/p>\n

I only remember a few things that I specifically taught my children directly.\u00a0 I taught them to think for themselves.\u00a0 It urged them to be brave.\u00a0 And I taught them that things don\u2019t change or get better when you ignore them.\u00a0 Just consider taking out the trash, for example.\u00a0 The things that need our attention will most often get worse when neglected, and they will scream louder and louder for our attention.<\/p>\n

A simple approach to addressing our trauma and not bypassing it is very simply to notice how I feel <\/em>and where do I feel it?<\/em><\/p>\n

When I share trauma with my contemplative friends, they generally don\u2019t try to solve the problem for me, and they don\u2019t hurl platitudes at me to bypass the hard things.\u00a0 Most times they sort of softly just say, \u201chmmmm,\u201d or they repeat what I said to clarify.\u00a0 It seems like they are feeling it with me, and that empathy and compassion does so much more that the bypassing that caused me to ignore it.<\/p>\n

The book Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity<\/a><\/em> is not a magic collection of phrases and techniques that will help you navigate your struggles.\u00a0 It is not step-by-step sure-fire way <\/em>to get through your issues.\u00a0 It is a more difficult path that provides better results.\u00a0 It is a journey of transformation not a vacation from reality.<\/p>\n

There is a way that leads to life, and it\u2019s not necessarily found simply in understanding a theology.\u00a0 It requires that we take the path that leads to transformation.\u00a0 That path is less worn than the other roads.\u00a0 It\u2019s not a day trip\u2014it\u2019s a life-long journey.\u00a0 But we can find sanctuary and we can find healing if we listen to the right guides who have gone before us.<\/p>\n

My hope for all of us is that we stop bypassing, spiritual or otherwise, and lean into the necessary work of becoming whole.<\/p>\n

Be where you are, Be who you are,<\/p>\n

Karl Forehand<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thousands of years of a tradition and philosophy and religion have coalesced together to give us our practices and preferences of the present day.\u00a0 No matter how original we think we are, most of what we do and how we act, especially in religion, is inherited.\u00a0 One of the most unfortunate things we acquire, especially […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4370,"featured_media":1807,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[181,356],"tags":[73,67,362,989,560,70,986],"class_list":["post-1801","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-authenticty","category-bypassing","tag-authenticity","tag-being","tag-bypassing","tag-hard-work","tag-healing","tag-presence","tag-therapy"],"yoast_head":"\nBeing with my Bypassing<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Thousands of years of a tradition and philosophy and religion have coalesced together to give us our practices and preferences of the present day.\u00a0 No\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thedesertsanctuary\/2021\/05\/being-with-my-bypassing\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Being with my Bypassing\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Thousands of years of a tradition and philosophy and religion have coalesced together to give us our practices and preferences of the present day.\u00a0 No\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thedesertsanctuary\/2021\/05\/being-with-my-bypassing\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Desert Sanctuary\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-05-31T15:43:06+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-05-31T15:57:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/1333\/2021\/05\/pexels-cottonbro-4101143.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"768\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"512\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Karl J. 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