{"id":3676,"date":"2022-09-22T07:56:21","date_gmt":"2022-09-22T13:56:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thedesertsanctuary\/?p=3676"},"modified":"2022-09-22T07:56:21","modified_gmt":"2022-09-22T13:56:21","slug":"the-things-that-hurt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/thedesertsanctuary\/2022\/09\/the-things-that-hurt\/","title":{"rendered":"The Things That Hurt"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

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Photo by Nathan Cowley \u2013 Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

In 20 years of ministry, I have never had anyone refuse to take communion from me. But this guy quietly told me he was not going to accept what we called The Lord\u2019s Supper<\/em>. I said, \u201cokay\u201d suspiciously, to which he replied, \u201cI\u2019ll talk to you later about it.\u201d Sure enough, we had supper later that week and he told me he didn\u2019t like the fact that Laura and I did yoga. It did not matter that he failed to understand what we were doing or anything like that, he was just dead set against it. I explained that he has a right to disagree, but I was not going to change what I\u2019m doing. I told him that judgmental things like this were starting to wear on me and I was considering getting out of the ministry. That would turn out to be a prophecy that came true later.<\/p>\n

This wasn\u2019t the first thing he questioned me about, and it wouldn\u2019t be the last. I don\u2019t have a problem with people disagreeing with me. But, when the focus is \u201ceither you change or I\u2019m going to make an issue about it,\u201d it is no longer a difference of opinion, it is an issue of control. Another leader in the church felt the same way about yoga, and she tried to incite the women against us. Consequently, a couple of these women were also Laura\u2019s friends\u2014and then they weren\u2019t. It was the beginning of the end in several ways.<\/p>\n

Order Out into the Des<\/a>ert<\/a><\/h3>\n

No one ever sat down and said, \u201cHelp me understand your viewpoint,\u201d they were just intent on changing my mind. To be fair, it was mainly their fear that the ministry would somehow be hurt, but they didn\u2019t trust my judgment and they didn\u2019t trust the Spirit to lead; they had to take control for fear of what might happen.<\/p>\n

When you add to these years of inner circles, secret meetings, and various experiences of exclusion, it finally becomes too much. I resigned from the church and again sought solace in a larger church which really didn\u2019t heal the wounds, it just gave us a little space to examine them. But eventually we stopped going to church altogether. There were too many triggers, too many memories, and the armor we had donned was about worn down.<\/p>\n

I also wish I could say our experience is abnormal, but it\u2019s not. The pain of ministry is real. For many reasons, including that the church is an organization, occasionally there is fallout \u2013 both intentional and unintentional. People, including the clergy, get hurt and then they hurt each<\/p>\n

Be where you are,<\/p>\n

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Be who you are,<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Karl Forehand<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Order Out into the Des<\/a>ert<\/a><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity<\/a><\/h4>\n
\n
Karl Forehand is a former pastor, podcaster, and award-winning author. His books include Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father\u2019s Heart and The Tea Shop. He is the creator of\u00a0The Desert Sanctuary<\/a> podcast. He is married to his wife Laura of 32 years and has one dog named Winston. His three children are grown and are beginning to multiply<\/div>\n

Support us on Patreon<\/a>\u00a0 *\u00a0 \u00a0The Desert Sanctuary Website<\/a><\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In 20 years of ministry, I have never had anyone refuse to take communion from me. But this guy quietly told me he was not going to accept what we called The Lord\u2019s Supper. I said, \u201cokay\u201d suspiciously, to which he replied, \u201cI\u2019ll talk to you later about it.\u201d Sure enough, we had supper later […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4370,"featured_media":3679,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[283,560,274,232,259],"class_list":["post-3676","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-deconstruction","tag-healing","tag-organized-religion","tag-religion","tag-trauma"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Things That Hurt<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In 20 years of ministry, I have never had anyone refuse to take communion from me. 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