![\"453\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/773\/2017\/05\/453-225x300.jpg\")
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I\u2019ve tried fasting many times since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety. Things always turn out the same way, no matter how I tweak the circumstances. In the beginning, everything is normal, quiet even. It\u2019s as though I don\u2019t have a mental illness at all and I\u2019m just like anyone else trying to fast. For one day or so, I\u2019m fine and I can handle the demands of the spiritual exercise. But on or about the third day of fasting, I notice I\u2019m becoming active. I have much more energy than I should and I find that I don\u2019t want to sleep. This starts a cycle of staying up all night and not eating anything, even when it\u2019s time to break the fast. By this time, I usually feel great though. Physically I don\u2019t have any complaints. Probably because I\u2019m entering a state of hypomania. And it\u2019s important to also note that when I fast, I\u2019m not able to maintain my medication schedule.<\/p>\n
Many of my meds need to be taken twice a day, and with food. That becomes very difficult during Ramadan, particularly the last few years. Especially when the time to eat suhoor is at approximately 3:30am and you\u2019re not breaking the fast until about 8:25pm at night. By the time it reaches the 5th<\/sup> or 6th<\/sup> day of fasting, I haven\u2019t eaten or slept in a few days, and I\u2019m usually not taking my medication any more. This is obviously a recipe for disaster for someone with a mental health condition. Unfortunately however, the more unwell I become initially, the better I feel. That\u2019s how hypomania works. And so I continue my routine of staying up and not eating. (In a subsequent article I\u2019ll address my disordered eating issues and the impact this has on my mental health)<\/p>\n To make matters worse, I\u2019ve often thought that this was how fasting was supposed to make me feel: physically light, more focused, and energetic. So in the past I wasn\u2019t able to see that I was in the midst of getting sick, rather than having a spiritual awakening. It can be easy to confuse the two if you\u2019re not careful. Usually I don\u2019t make it past a 7th<\/sup> day of fasting; especially not consecutively. I always go quickly from hypomania to full blown mania, and immediately into psychosis. There\u2019s a very short window of time for this. I become paranoid and agitated, convinced people (and sometimes places or entities) are out to get me. I may fixate on religious ideas and texts without being able to stop. This is probably the most confusing aspect of being unwell with this type of illness during Ramadan. I can go from a normal level of belief and religious observance to hyperreligiousity and obsessive behaviors in a short period of time. However because this is a heightened time of devotion for the community at large, self-assessment of my symptoms becomes particularly challenging.<\/p>\n Each time I\u2019ve tried to fast has been a bit different, but ultimately the outcome is the same. Unfortunately for me, fasting is just not an option. This has been extremely hard for me to accept. When I was a new Muslim, I took fasting for granted. It wasn\u2019t something I thought twice about. Now I miss it in a way that\u2019s difficult to put into words. What helps me not dwell on my feelings of missing out however, is to enjoy other aspects of Ramadan that I can participate in.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve found online lecture series explaining the Quran each year that make me feel connected to the global Muslim community and to my religious roots as a Muslim. I have daily iftars with sisters who live near me, to experience the feeling of solidarity and family. And I go to the masjid as often as I can for taraweeh. As far as focusing on helping others, I try to think of ways to bring happiness into the lives of those around me, even if it\u2019s just calling and checking up on my friends and support system. I spend much of my year needing assistance with my illness. Ramadan is a time that I stop and reflect on those who do so much for me. I try to think of ways in which I can support those who care about me not only now, but throughout the year. That\u2019s what I use this month for. When I think outward in this manner, I don\u2019t have a chance to feel sad about what I\u2019m not able to do anymore. I didn\u2019t imagine as a young Muslim that this is what Ramadan would ever mean to me. But now, this has become my regular practice. I\u2019m grateful to be able to observe the month in a way that suits not only my religious needs but my mental health needs as well.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve tried fasting many times since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety. Things always turn out the same way, no matter how I tweak the circumstances. In the beginning, everything is normal, quiet even. It\u2019s as though I don\u2019t have a mental illness at all and I\u2019m just like anyone else trying […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2994,"featured_media":610,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,4,6],"tags":[34,17,20,21,33],"class_list":["post-609","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anxiety","category-bipolar","category-general-mental-health","tag-fasting","tag-islam","tag-mental-health","tag-mental-illness","tag-ramadan"],"yoast_head":"\n