I want you to meet a rather unique couple. Their names are Sarah and Lindsey, but don\u2019t form your opinions too quickly. Yes, Sarah and Lindsey are partners. Yes, they are attracted to the same sex. But no, they are not<\/em> married nor<\/em> are they engaging in sexual relations. They are celibate<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Now, before you race to declare where you \u201cstand\u201d on this situation\u2014Is it sin?! Is it not a sin!? Why are they partners and not just roommates?!\u2014why don\u2019t you get to know them first? If you\u2019re an evangelical Christian, and you\u2019re heterosexual, and you are wrestling with the question of homosexuality, the best advice I can give you is to stop and listen. To listen is to love<\/strong> and to learn\u2014few people ever learn anything while they are talking or racing to form opinions with ear plugs in.<\/p>\n So let\u2019s listen to the story of Sarah and Lindsey.<\/p>\n PS: Thanks Sarah Lindsey\u00a0 for sharing your story with us. Why don\u2019t you begin by telling us a little about yourselves. Who you are, what you do, and how long you\u2019ve been together?<\/strong><\/p>\n S&L: Thanks, Preston, for interviewing us. It\u2019s a little weird to introduce ourselves as a couple. We are both Christians, we work as teachers, and we love sharing life. Lindsey\u2019s faith journey began in high school while Sarah\u2019s started at birth. We are active in our church. We fell into a natural pattern of sharing various aspects of our lives, and we\u2019ve been exploring life together for a little over two years.<\/p>\n PS: Now, since everyone is dying to know, I\u2019m sure. Tell us about your \u201cpartnership.\u201d Why did you chose to become partners yet remain celibate? And what does this look like?<\/strong><\/p>\n S&L: Our doing life together just sort of happened. Neither of us expected it, as we were not seeking partnership. Things started to fall together organically. We had a natural desire to be there for one another, and we learned quickly that we make a good team. The reason we use the term \u201cpartnership\u201d is that we see ourselves as a team: we work together to follow God where he calls us. Many people assume that partnership has an inherent connotation of \u201csexually active.\u201d We have never understood the word \u201cpartner\u201d in this way and like to challenge assumptions about what it means to be in a partnership.<\/p>\n We have a series of posts on our blog that we\u2019ve listed as \u201cGlimpses into our relationship.\u201d We\u2019ve learned a lot from monastic communities. Our four values of celibacy (hospitality, vulnerability, shared spiritual life, and commitment) pull strongly from what we\u2019ve observed in those spaces. Equally, we recognize aspects of our life together that mirror what married couples do. To get more specific, we share finances and insurance, and make healthcare decisions together.<\/p>\n PS: On the question of celibacy, can you help clear up some common misunderstandings about celibacy? I think some people equate celibacy with forced loneliness, or monastic solitude. What does celibacy mean to you?<\/strong><\/p>\n S&L: We\u2019ve noticed conflation of celibacy with singleness, specifically a form of singleness that is cut off from the world. In our experience, the celibates who lead the most fulfilling lives (whether they do so while in the world or in monasteries) have meaningful relationships. We find it distressing when people equate celibacy with avoiding all relationships of every kind. This misconception leads Christians to believe that celibacy is somehow lesser than marriage. It seems to us that many Christians ignore what the Scriptures say about the value of celibacy as a way to seek Christ and the Kingdom of God. Celibacy is portrayed as an almost freakish way of life where the only way people enter is by being coerced. We\u2019ve lost track of how many people have tried to tell us that we are suffering from deeply damaging internalized homophobia because we\u2019ve embraced celibacy freely.<\/p>\n Celibacy is an opportunity to love and serve the world differently than married people. We organize our life together around the four guiding values we\u2019ve already mentioned. Because sex is not a part of our relationship, we find it comparatively easy to turn our focus outward to the world around us. Additionally, we have the opportunity to develop deep emotional and spiritual intimacy with each other.<\/p>\n PS: I imagine that you\u2019ve probably received some criticism from people on both sides of the debate. Is this true? If so, what are the main critiques you\u2019ve received? How have you handled that?<\/strong><\/p>\n S&L: We find that a lot of people on both sides don\u2019t have space for a couple like us. Those arguing in favor of sexually active same-sex relationships often zoom in on the cruelty of denying all gay people space to be known and loved. We don\u2019t think our partnered celibate way of living is for everyone, but we\u2019re frequently accused of trying to deprive others of sexual freedom. It\u2019s also frustrating when people deny the fact that we\u2019re in meaningful relationship with one another because we\u2019re celibate. Those who criticize us generally assume that we\u2019re lying when we say that we\u2019re celibate, we\u2019re trying to force every other LGBT couple to embrace celibacy, and our relationship is nothing more than a sexless gay marriage. We find it oddly amusing that depending upon a reader\u2019s perspective, he or she may label us as either flaming liberals or staunch conservatives. Because our situation doesn\u2019t fit preconceived notions about relationships, many people try to find alternate explanations for our way of life that better align to their worldviews. We\u2019ve made it a point to engage conversationally with our readers both in our comments and through email. We have several posts dedicated to readers\u2019 questions and maintain an up-to-date FAQ page.<\/p>\n PS: Tell us about some of the highs and lows of being a celibate LGBT couple.<\/strong><\/p>\n S&L: One practical high is that we each have another person with whom to share life intentionally. We\u2019re both big fans of hugs, and it\u2019s nice living with someone who is always willing to share a hug. One thing we appreciate more broadly about being a celibate LGBT couple is that we have the opportunity to participate in conversations about sexuality in the church in ways that other people just can\u2019t.<\/p>\n The biggest low of being a celibate LGBT couple is always being treated with suspicion from people on both sides of the debate. We\u2019re so grateful that we\u2019ve been able to find compassionate spiritual directors, but it\u2019s challenging to feel at home in any church community.<\/p>\n