{"id":1245,"date":"2013-08-26T08:16:04","date_gmt":"2013-08-26T12:16:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/theworthingtonpost\/?p=1245"},"modified":"2014-01-27T13:59:32","modified_gmt":"2014-01-27T18:59:32","slug":"banana-bread-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/theworthingtonpost\/2013\/08\/banana-bread-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Banana Bread"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

So, you know how so many people post Facebook status updates the night before the first day of school? \u00a0\u201cLunches are packed! \u00a0Kids in bed! \u00a0Backpacks ready! \u00a0Forms filled out! \u00a0Relaxing with a glass of wine and hubby!\u201d And it\u2019s only 8 p.m.? \u00a0Some\u00a0dear friends of mine \u2013 and I hope they still are after reading this \u2013 but please indulge me in a rare public bitchy moment.<\/p>\n

I frikkin\u2019 HATE those status updates. \u00a0They shouldn\u2019t, but they make me feel like SUCH a loser mom \u2013 I rarely, if ever have my shit together like that. \u00a0For one thing, it\u2019s \u00a0usually 10:47 p.m. when I read them, and the kids are all still awake and I\u2019m about to go grocery shopping (sometimes at the gas station \u201cconvenience\u201d store) for the first time in 10 days so they don\u2019t eat uncooked ramen noodles for lunch on their first day of school.<\/p>\n

Not this year. \u00a0It\u2019s payback time, beyotches<\/em>. \u00a0This year, I AM THAT MOM. \u00a0Last night the youngest was in bed by 10 p.m. (unshowered, but hey \u2013 you can\u2019t have everything,) grocery shopping was done (4 days earlier,) and I was in my pjs (unshowered, but hey \u2013 you can\u2019t have everything,)\u00a0\u2013 do you hear me??? \u00a0I made banana bread* batter (the only bakery item I know how to make from scratch,) stuck it in the fridge, and woke up at 5:30 a.m. to get it into the oven. \u00a0Let me tell you, by 7 a.m., that sucker was PERFECTION. \u00a0I had it buttered and lovingly arranged on a Bounty paper towel for my eldest to have on her way to school. \u00a0Right next to her bottled Starbucks frappacino. \u00a0Then, after some Marx Brothers-like confusion and car-jockeying because we hadn\u2019t figured out yet which one of us was going to drive her to school, she was off for the first day of school.<\/p>\n

\"wpid-20130826_071348.jpg\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Never mind that my eldest is almost 17, and I\u2019ve been on Facebook for five years now, and that I am only NOW boasting about something of this nature. \u00a0But I\u2019m BOASTING, BABY!!!!! \u00a0SUCK IT, LOSERS!!!!<\/p>\n

(Cue thunder and maniacal laughter)<\/span><\/p>\n

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

*********<\/p>\n

*A little bonus story: \u00a0I\u2019ve been making this for years \u2013 got the recipe from Dave\u2019s mother. \u00a0When we were married for less than a year, I did something similar \u2013 waking up early to get the banana bread in the oven for him to bring to some office potluck. Then I showered and attempted to wake him up. \u00a0He was immovable. \u00a0So, I stood next to the bed and said, \u201cHey, Dave. \u00a0There\u2019s a naked woman in front of you and a banana bread in the oven.\u201d \u00a0He raised his head up, lifted an eyebrow and said, \u201cBanana bread?\u201d \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, you know how so many people post Facebook status updates the night before the first day of school? \u00a0\u201cLunches are packed! \u00a0Kids in bed! \u00a0Backpacks ready! \u00a0Forms filled out! \u00a0Relaxing with a glass of wine and hubby!\u201d And it\u2019s only 8 p.m.? \u00a0Some\u00a0dear friends of mine \u2013 and I hope they still are after […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1603,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[46,156,157,166,207,242,315,324],"class_list":["post-1245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-c-happiness-humormemoriesrandom","tag-banana-bread","tag-family-lif","tag-family-life","tag-first-day-of-school","tag-humor","tag-kids","tag-no-more-fakebook","tag-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nBanana Bread<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"So, you know how so many people post Facebook status updates the night before the first day of school? 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