{"id":1042,"date":"2015-06-13T14:03:17","date_gmt":"2015-06-13T19:03:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/theramblingsofacrazyface.wordpress.com\/?p=1042"},"modified":"2015-06-13T14:03:17","modified_gmt":"2015-06-13T19:03:17","slug":"making-breakfast-going-to-mass-and-my-failure-to-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/throughbrokenroses\/2015\/06\/13\/making-breakfast-going-to-mass-and-my-failure-to-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Making Breakfast, Going to Mass and my Failure to Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"11401399_10207178223201808_3248509569506125724_n\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I have had this book on St. Therese for a pretty long time. In the chaos of life, both good and bad chaos, I have fallen very behind in my reading. I\u2019m also in school now for a Bachelor\u2019s degree in Philosophy and taking three summer classes, so I am reading a lot, but it\u2019s for class which is very different even if I do love it. But this book has been calling me. Every day that I wake up, I see it on the shelf and it\u2019s calling me to pick it up. Anyone who knows anything about St. Therese knows that this is how she works.<\/p>\n

Today was the day that I picked it up and have made a goal of finishing it. I\u2019m still on the first chapter and I\u2019m already sitting here writing to process something that hit me hard.<\/p>\n

I read a sentence in this book in which Jesus is asking the question \u201cWhen will they love me?\u201d after a paragraph that talked about all that Jesus gave us of Himself: His Blood, His Body, The Eucharist and lastly His Sacred Heart (the Feast that we celebrated yesterday). And yet, He still wonders when we will see that and love Him back. My first reaction to that was to think \u201cWell, I do love Jesus, so I\u2019m not part of that problem\u201d, but then as usually, my angel had something to say and I remembered that I didn\u2019t go to Mass last weekend. Not because I was in turmoil, or because something came up or anything that was justified, but because I was tired and took a nap. I could have gone in the morning, I could have not taken a nap, I could have set an alarm, but I didn\u2019t. And that isn\u2019t even the worst part, the worst part is that I was relieved to not have to get ready, wrestle with the kids and make that exhausting effort that is dragging a family to Mass. \u00a0How can that be love? I was relieved to not go and spend time with Jesus because it was too hard on me.<\/p>\n

As if that was not enough to get me thinking about love and how I fail to do it, I realized that I also don\u2019t make breakfast for my husband. This morning I went into his office and told him that I would really love it if we could have date night in the middle of the week because my Love Language is quality time and when I go all week without time with him I hate everything. He sat in his office chair smiling at me as he listened to me and said \u201cYes babe, I have to figure out how to do it after working all day in this heat, but I\u2019ll figure it out.\u201d and with that, I walked out of his office feeling loved and heard. Then I wondered what I could do for him that would make him feel the same. Nothing came to mind until after I realized that I do not truly love Christ as I should. That\u2019s when it hit me that I don\u2019t love my husband as I should either because this man has been asking me to make him breakfast for the entire 7 years that we have been together. A request that I always make excuses to avoid fulfilling. Most of those excuses based on my feelings and laziness. Like the fact that I would rather sleep instead of getting up to make my husband breakfast. Kind of how I would rather sleep than go to Mass. Do you see the vice at the root of these two things?<\/p>\n

\"the-5-symptoms-of-laziness-1\"<\/a><\/p>\n

It\u2019s not just these two things either. Laziness has become a sin for me because it is the main reason that I fail to love anyone at all. I\u2019m addicted to Facebook and I\u2019m lazy. Those two things are keeping me from loving my God, my husband, my kids and doing my very best in school which God is asking of me. It\u2019s also keeping me from loving myself because it is the one reason why I don\u2019t workout.<\/p>\n

Pretty much anytime I think of doing anything or I am asked to do anything I think of how I can get out of it so that I can take a nap. I\u2019m not saying there is anything wrong with naps, alone time or anything but when it gets in the way of my relationship with God, doing something to make my husband feel loved and spending time listening to my kids, it\u2019s an issue.<\/p>\n

This very minute I am thinking of what time Confession is so that I can go confess this and get back on track and also thinking about how I wanna take a nap. It\u2019s a problem ya\u2019ll. I\u2019ve been to a doctor and there is nothing wrong with me, I never catch up on sleep no matter how much I sleep and not doing anything doesn\u2019t make me feel alive, it makes me bored and want to jump off a bridge, but I don\u2019t want to leave the house either. Something has to give. Who is the Patron Saint of Nappers\u2026 I mean lazy people?<\/p>\n

I have told myself that I\u2019m making a grocery list and making breakfast for my husband. I am going to confession today and I\u2019m logging off Facebook for the week, other than work related things. And I\u2019m going to daily Mass. For starters. Something that Heather King said in my interview with her <\/a>was that she \u201corders her day\u201d. I do not do this, I just go through my day winging it. So I\u2019m going to try and order my days this week and see how that works to help this laziness so I can love those who love me.<\/p>\n

Have any of you had this issue and how did you defeat it?<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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