{"id":1146,"date":"2015-08-14T16:45:03","date_gmt":"2015-08-14T21:45:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/throughbrokenroses\/?p=1146"},"modified":"2015-08-14T16:45:03","modified_gmt":"2015-08-14T21:45:03","slug":"the-day-a-dead-priest-showed-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/throughbrokenroses\/2015\/08\/14\/the-day-a-dead-priest-showed-up\/","title":{"rendered":"The Day a Dead Priest Showed Up"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I woke up this morning at a complete loss. I felt as if I was being abandoned by the man that I love more than myself. I was so tempted to yell and scream and cry and beg just like I have done all the other times in my life when I felt the fear of abandonment creep up on me with other men, including this same man. My love story can be a double edged sword because there is a lot of beauty\u00a0in the fact that I\u2019ve loved my husband since the 7th grade, \u00a0but there is also a lot of pain. He broke up with me because I wanted to be married, have kids and be loved in a way that no 14 year old boy is ready to love, even if they think they are. The best thing Stacey ever did was to break up with me, because if he hadn\u2019t, we would have 17 kids in the foster care system, living in a RV trailer \u00a0and a bad crack habit. We were that<\/em> dangerous for each other at that time. Hell, there are days when we are dangerous for each other now.<\/p>\n

When you love someone so passionately there is a great danger in making them an\u00a0idol. I do it all the time. I think that I love God above all things and then as I\u2019m sitting in the line of confession, I realize that I love my husband more than I love God and I love the idea of the perfect marriage even more than that. This morning was one of those mornings.<\/p>\n

I go to an amazing parish where confession is offered six times a week so there are plenty of times to go but there are also a lot of people who go to confession, so there are times when you wait in a long line and then don\u2019t get to go. I went twice this week and didn\u2019t make it. Yesterday as I sat there, \u00a0I could not pray. I had this horrible headache and I just didn\u2019t feel good at all. I was sitting next to the most talkative little girl on the planet and I couldn\u2019t even be mad because my head hurt so bad. I didn\u2019t examine my conscience and then when I was about to go in the priest said he couldn\u2019t hear anymore because he had Mass. I just walked out of there praying that I didn\u2019t die because I had quite a few big sins to confess. Then I\u00a0went to an Al-anon meeting, because I needed something to help me not burn my house down with my anger.<\/p>\n

I made up my mind that I would be back at the parish first thing this morning for 7am confession. I woke up in time and went downstairs and began fighting with my husband. In the middle of it I could hear a voice in my heart that said \u201cshut up and go confess\u201d. I grabbed my purse and took off to my parish for the third time in a week. And I made it! I went in with a new priest named Francisco. I love that name because it\u2019s my grandfather\u2019s name and my grandfather was an amazing man. The first man that I ever loved. I did confess making an idol out of my marriage and husband. I never realized that I did that until I read \u201cHow Dante Can Save Your Life<\/a>\u201d and it all made sense to me. My penance was to go and look at the Crucifix and to meditate on love and sacrifice.<\/p>\n

As I looked at the icon of the greatest act of love, I kept thinking about how I really don\u2019t love my husband. I love to make him fit a role in my idea of the perfect marriage, but if I truly loved him, I would not try to force my opinions on him. I wouldn\u2019t fear him leaving me and I wouldn\u2019t constantly have to have the last word to prove something. Prove what? That I\u2019m not weak or that I don\u2019t need him? Why do I have to prove those things when the truth is that I am weak and I do need him?<\/p>\n

When I got home I started working and realized that it was the Feast of St. Maximilian Kolbe when the picture of him and his quotes started flooding my Newsfeed. The first one was:<\/p>\n

\n<\/p>

\u201cThere will be sufferings, temptations; perhaps you will be haunted by discouragement\u2026 learn to be ready for the greatest sacrifices\u2026 do not desire extraordinary things, but simply to perform the will of the Immaculata\u2026\u201d <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013 St. Maximilian Kolbe<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I needed that so I thought nothing of it and then this one:<\/p>\n

\"11831784_10152930552921875_7219071648504574215_n\"<\/a><\/p>\n

At this point I realized that there was a theme for today: love and sacrifice. As I sat and thought about these two quotes and Jesus on the Cross, I realized that I don\u2019t sacrifice for anything. I hate sacrifice. I just want what I want and I don\u2019t really want to work to get it. I want good grades, but don\u2019t do my homework. I want love but I don\u2019t wanna get up early to make my husband breakfast. I want to be respected but I don\u2019t want to build up. So I can\u2019t truly love. Not God, not my husband not anyone.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t really know what to do with that. Then I read the story of how St. Maximilian Kolbe had given himself up for a man who was going to be put to death because he heard the man cry about losing his wife and children.<\/a> So this priest stood up and offered himself up in that man\u2019s place. It wasn\u2019t until the last line that I realized this priest, who has been dead a long time, showed up in my life today. He has been praying for me this entire day from the moment that I woke up until this very moment.<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cThe survivor told the congregation, \u201c {Kolbe}is the patron saint of anyone in need . . . the patron saint of anyone that needs help.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

I was in need this morning. I didn\u2019t know where to take my fear, anxiety and anger. I threw up a \u201csomeone help me today\u201d breath and a saint showed up and prayed for me. I went to confession and laid every single one of my fears, grudges, moments of anger and lies of being unloved at the foot of Jesus and then I looked at that Cross and made the choice to come home and love my husband. I really had no idea where the peace came from, until I read that last line about this saint and I was sure that it has been his prayers that have helped me all day. He gave himself up for a husband and father, and today he showed up in my life to help me: a wife and a mother.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I woke up this morning at a complete loss. I felt as if I was being abandoned by the man that I love more than myself. I was so tempted to yell and scream and cry and beg just like I have done all the other times in my life when I felt the fear […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2489,"featured_media":1428,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,12,15,31,34,36],"tags":[81,111,1691,242,1695],"class_list":["post-1146","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-conversion","category-crosses","category-easter-2","category-jesus","category-love","category-marriage","tag-anger","tag-christ","tag-love","tag-marriage-2","tag-saints"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Day a Dead Priest Showed Up<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I woke up this morning at a complete loss. 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