{"id":5817,"date":"2020-04-03T14:57:38","date_gmt":"2020-04-03T18:57:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/throughcatholiclenses\/?p=5817"},"modified":"2020-04-03T14:59:30","modified_gmt":"2020-04-03T18:59:30","slug":"what-autistics-want-their-fellow-catholics-to-know-about-us","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/throughcatholiclenses\/2020\/04\/what-autistics-want-their-fellow-catholics-to-know-about-us\/","title":{"rendered":"What Autistics Want Their Fellow Catholics to Know About Us"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I think sometimes, it is hard for people who are not autistic to see things from our perspective. If you learn a foreign language beyond a dozen words, you start noticing a bit of a difference. For example, in many other languages like Spanish or Latin, inanimate objects are male or female. When I taught English to native Spanish-speakers, I learned to get inside their way of thinking.<\/p>\n

Autism is like that but at the level of brain structure, not language structure. I was preparing a talk to a parish on accepting and helping autistic parishioners, so I asked fellow autistics what they would like the average person at a parish to know about autism. Some of these responses will go in the talk but I thought it was worth sharing online too.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve divided the responses into a few helpful categories. Although these replies can be found publicly if one tries, as the respondents are not public figures, I\u2019ve decided to use pseudonyms. If you prefer it on video, here you go.<\/p>\n

<\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2>Don\u2019t Worry About Differences at Mass<\/h2>\nThe first thing I think many autistics want others to know is to realize we process things differently and sometimes we act differently. We don\u2019t want you to be alarmed by this. A few parents and one autistic talked about Mass.<\/p>\n\u201c[Autistics] are paying attention [at Mass]; [they] are listening and are reverent, even if they are moving (or stimming). My son says that he really is taking the Mass, prayers, worship seriously even if you see him moving around.\u201d \u2013Samantha<\/p>\nLikewise, \u201cAutistics are not undisciplined brats.\u00a0 Patience and charity, not a judgment from others would help autistics in parishes.\u00a0 Dirty looks and nasty notes are not okay.\u00a0 Autistics do not ruin Mass.\u201d \u2013Shirley<\/p>\n\u201cLet my child be at mass and partake in her own way without disapproving glares. (My daughter has recently started shouting, \u2018It\u2019s Jesus in there!\u2019 during the consecration.) If she could process how to whisper, she would.\u201d \u2013Stella<\/p>\n\u201cI tried to get my son to wear something dressier than sweatpants and a t-shirt to Mass but it is either he wears that or behaves like he has a thousand ants crawling over him during mass which is not something that is helpful,\u201d \u2013Shawn<\/p>\n\u201cI use squishy toys to keep my mind and body calm. Another way to do that is by keeping things the same. Self-regulation is the fancy word for that. But it\u2019s relevant because I\u2019m trying to do well.\u201d \u2013Sandra<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_5823\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-5823\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/959\/2020\/03\/boy-with-heart-anna-kolosyuk-unsplash.jpg\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-5823\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/959\/2020\/03\/boy-with-heart-anna-kolosyuk-unsplash-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"Autistic Boy with Heart\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\"><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-5823\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Autistic Boy with Heart (CC0 Anna Kolosyuk on Unsplash)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<h2>Autistics Can Pray Too<\/h2>\nWe might pray a little different but it is valuable to see how we pray. Several described their own prayers in a way.<\/p>\n\u201c[Please don\u2019t] dismiss our spiritual\/mystical experiences just because we\u2019re autistic. A lot of times when I talk about my spiritual experiences, they\u2019re dismissed as me just being mentally unstable because I\u2019m autistic\u201d \u2013Jane<\/p>\n\u201cWe want to be Christ\u2019s disciples too, fully involved in the Mission of God and fully part of the fellowship that is the Church. We are called just as much as everyone else.\u201d \u2013James<\/p>\n\u201cAutistics have the same right as neurotypicals [people with the most common neurological structure] to receive the Sacraments, to attend Mass, and to be accepted despite their differences.\u201d \u2013Jessica<\/p>\n\u201cA very practical thing for the Mass would be for neurotypical people to realize is that not everyone wishes to engage in conversation. Especially during the passing of the peace. I find that the most difficult time. If someone is kneeling in prayer, just leave them be.\u201d \u2013John<\/p>\nP.s. during the sign of peace, there should not really be conversation beyond saying \u201cpeace be with you,\u201d or similar to fellow parishioners. This is about proper liturgy, not just autism.<\/p>\n\u201cAs a parent of a 22-year-old with autism: the predictability, the universality of the Mass, is a COMFORT to him. The repetition and ritual are a balm \u2013 at the end of or beginning of a chaotic week.\u201d \u2013Julia<\/p>\n\u201cWe see, hear, and think everything differently from others- so we\u2019re going to perceive say, the Readings, the music, the homily, the prayers differently.\u201d \u2013Joy<\/p>\n<h2>All Different<\/h2>\nSeveral wanted to speak about autistic similarities and differences. There is a saying common in autistic circles: \u201cif you\u2019ve seen one autistic, you\u2019ve seen one autistic.\u201d Autism is a collection of traits where a person needs to check of a certain number of boxes but different autistics check off different boxes. Here some also describe autistic advantages.<\/p>\n\u201cJust because it well documented that autistic people have those traits it doesn\u2019t mean we all have them. I have an awkward time about people not looking in my eyes for the peace at church because they heard about that. I respect them for trying but leaves us feeling off too.\u201d \u2013Tamara<\/p>\n\u201cWe aren\u2019t afflicted by being autistic. Parts of our neurology can be difficult but being autistic is beautiful and most of us have a perfectly valid, although different, way of experiencing our faith. We don\u2019t need to act neurotypical to experience Jesus the \u2018right\u2019 way.\u201d \u2013Teresa<\/p>\n\u201cDon\u2019t insist on physical contact or eye contact. My daughter can do quick eye contact and a peace sign at the passing of the peace, but she will not shake hands. Physical touch is painful for her. My son is also autistic, but he gives hugs and shakes hands.\u201d \u2013Tabitha<\/p>\nOne person even wanted to note how there may be more autistics around at the parish than most realize.<\/p>\n\u201cSome of you are probably on the Autism Spectrum yourselves, and you never even suspected. \u2018And no one around you was clued in enough to help you understand what was going on.\u2019\u201d \u2013Thomas<\/p>\n<h2>Challenges<\/h2>\nSome people wanted to mention the specific challenges we often struggle with.<\/p>\n\u201cThe sensory issues associated that make attending worship hard.\u201d\u2013Kate<\/p>\n\u201cHow hard it is for parents with young non-verbal autistic children to go to church or find spiritual direction for them and their little ones.\u201d \u2013Kathryn<\/p>\n\u201cI WANT to be present at every Mass. It can be SO overwhelming, though. Between the people and the sensory overload, sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I don\u2019t know what to do. PLEASE be patient with us. Sometimes speaking to other parishioners is just more than I can handle.\u201d \u2013Kaitlyn<\/p>\n\u201cThat it is sometimes hard for us to believe. That we want to find our place in the church and help. That we care deeply. That we don\u2019t always want to be the ones reaching out but when we don\u2019t it seems that nobody does. This is before or after Mass not during. When we do believe God it is very deep and we want to share Him!\u201d \u2013Kimberly<\/p>\n\u201cWe have our own faith journeys; we aren\u2019t just accessories to other people\u2019s faith. And we need as much companionship and accompaniment as anyone else on that road.\u201d \u2013Kristen<\/p>\n\u201cMany autistics are socially anxious. Don\u2019t try to force us into sharing groups or into volunteer roles that force us to interact with strangers.\u201d \u2013Kyla<\/p>\n\u201cThere should be opportunities to volunteer \u2018behind the scenes.\u2019 Also, I do not need\/want to be brought \u2018out of my shell.\u2019 Don\u2019t suggest that.\u201d \u2013Katherine<\/p>\n\u201cDon\u2019t presume malice even if we do serious harm. Don\u2019t treat us like we are in a state of mortal sin when we wrong you. When we fail, it is because we lack skills rather than the desire to please.\u201d \u2013Keith<\/p>\n<h2>Conclusion<\/h2>\nIn this piece, I have tried to offer relatively unfiltered voices from autistics and their families about what they want the average Catholic to know, especially about prayer and Mass. Many of these things have obvious consequences in actions. Hopefully, this helps you better integrate autistics into your parishes.<\/p>\nNote: I rely on generosity from people like you to keep writing. Please consider <a href=\"https:\/\/www.patreon.com\/FrMatthewLC\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">a regular donation via Patreon<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I think sometimes, it is hard for people who are not autistic to see things from our perspective. If you learn a foreign language beyond a dozen words, you start noticing a bit of a difference. For example, in many other languages like Spanish or Latin, inanimate objects are male or female. When I taught […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3464,"featured_media":5823,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1123,272,750,5,450],"tags":[284,1129,1132,409,708,113,831,1356,624,20,44],"class_list":["post-5817","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-autsim","category-disability","category-liturgy","category-original-articles","category-prayer","tag-ableism","tag-autism","tag-autistic","tag-discrimination","tag-eucharist","tag-formation","tag-liturgy","tag-mass","tag-parish","tag-prayer","tag-zeal"],"yoast_head":"\n<title>What Autistics Want Their Fellow Catholics to Know About Us<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I think sometimes, it is hard for people who are not autistic to see things from our perspective. 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