Boys will be boys:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nThese are the voices that tell us that this is simply an example of how boys and men bond: they tease each other.\u00a0 They play practical jokes.\u00a0 They \u201cinitiate\u201d the newbies into the tribe because the hierarchy of boys and men demands that each person knows his place.\u00a0 Hazings are a normal part of male culture.\u00a0 It\u2019s the way that men recognize manhood.<\/p>\n
In truth, males are wired for many of these kinds of behaviors.\u00a0 Testosterone is the primary shaper of males, and testosterone, among other things, is an action chemical.\u00a0 It\u2019s what motivates males to bond through action.\u00a0 It\u2019s what helps shape hierarchies in their friendships.\u00a0 It builds relationships through oneupsmanship and teasing.\u00a0 When I put down a buddy, he knows I love him.\u00a0 In a sense, in a male world, you only tease or harass those who mean something to you.<\/p>\n
But\u2026while all that may be true, there are lines, and deep down guys know it.\u00a0 When testosterone isn\u2019t shaped by character, respect, honor, loyalty, and commitment, it turns toxic.\u00a0 It becomes violent and abusive.<\/p>\n
Handle this like men<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nOne of our local sports reporters offered a quick commentary on the Incognito\/Martin story: He said he believes that Incognito went way over the line but\u2026that Martin should have handled it like a man.\u00a0 I\u2019ve heard that one again and again.\u00a0 He should have handled like a man, meaning: he should have gone toe to toe with him, called him out, fought back, etc., anything but walk away (which is the unmanly thing to do).<\/p>\n
Men do have this unique way of getting into each other\u2019s face and then walking away as friends.\u00a0 Handling things like a man (standing up for yourself, fighting back, etc.) creates respect between men.<\/p>\n
But\u2026that\u2019s assuming both men are acting like good men: men of honor, integrity, compassion, and courage.\u00a0 When coming out of that honorable place, handling it like a man can be a positive way for resolving issues.<\/p>\n
When it doesn\u2019t come out of that place, as appears to be the situation in this story\u2014and far too many stories, handling it like a man devolves again into abuse, bullying, revenge, and other destructive forces.<\/p>\n
Without a rite of passage boys will make one up.\u00a0\u00a0 They have a divinely created need to know and to prove that they are men!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nHazings, at the risk of oversimplifying, are boys attempts to create a passage into manhood.\u00a0 Every boy needs to know when he\u2019s a man.\u00a0 He needs to know how to become a man.\u00a0 And when culture doesn\u2019t provide a healthy, strategic, character-producing process for leading boys into manhood, boys will make it up themselves.\u00a0 And usually they will choose a destructive rite of passage: binge drinking, hazings, sexual conquest contests, gang initiations, bullying, and the like.<\/p>\n
Boys have a deep seated need to know how to become men, what kind of men they should be, and when they can call themselves men.<\/p>\n
If we continue to rob them of good, healthy rites of passage<\/a>, we will continue to hear stories of bullying, hazings, and the like.<\/p>\nManhood is a primal call in every male.\u00a0 And males become men through a strategic process.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The \u201cbullying\u201d story coming out of the Miami Dolphins locker room has dominated the news for the last few weeks.\u00a0 Though the details still aren\u2019t fully known, it hasn\u2019t stopped the public debate over hazings and bullying.\u00a0 The responses to Jonathan Martin leaving the team over alleged bullying by his teammate, Richie Incognito, have illustrated […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1621,"featured_media":1053,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,61],"tags":[2,272,273,274,275,276,9,23],"class_list":["post-162","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-boys","category-men-2","tag-boys","tag-hazings","tag-jonathan-martin","tag-miami-dolphins","tag-richie-incognito","tag-rites-of-passage","tag-searching-for-tom-sawyer","tag-tim-wright"],"yoast_head":"\n
Of Dolphins, Hazings, Boys, and Manhood<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The \u201cbullying\u201d story coming out of the Miami Dolphins locker room has dominated the news for the last few weeks.\u00a0 Though the details still aren\u2019t fully\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Of Dolphins, Hazings, Boys, and Manhood\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The \u201cbullying\u201d story coming out of the Miami Dolphins locker room has dominated the news for the last few weeks.\u00a0 Though the details still aren\u2019t fully\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Tim Wright Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-11-13T21:32:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/827\/2016\/07\/richie-incognito-300x261.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"300\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"261\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Tim Wright\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Tim Wright\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/\",\"name\":\"Of Dolphins, Hazings, Boys, and Manhood\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2013-11-13T21:32:55+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-11-13T21:32:55+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/#\/schema\/person\/d376e49ac40fe61bef02b93f41269340\"},\"description\":\"The \u201cbullying\u201d story coming out of the Miami Dolphins locker room has dominated the news for the last few weeks.\u00a0 Though the details still aren\u2019t fully\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Of Dolphins, Hazings, Boys, and Manhood\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/\",\"name\":\"The Tim Wright Blog\",\"description\":\"Musings on God\u2019s bold, reckless grace\u2026and life in the middle\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/#\/schema\/person\/d376e49ac40fe61bef02b93f41269340\",\"name\":\"Tim Wright\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/12d5559111c8a68f11425c607bcfe664?s=96&d=identicon&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/12d5559111c8a68f11425c607bcfe664?s=96&d=identicon&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Tim Wright\"},\"description\":\"I've been a pastor in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America since 1984, currently serving as the founding pastor of Community of Grace in Peoria, AZ. My wife, Jan and I, were married in 1979. We raised two kids and currently have 3 grandkids. I love to ride my bike, travel, read British Mysteries, and Disneyland. I have written 6 books, including my newest--Searching for Tom Sawyer: How Parents and Congregations Can Stop the Exodus of Boys From Church. My website: www.TimWrightMinistries.org\",\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/www.TimWrightMinistries.org\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/author\/twright\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Of Dolphins, Hazings, Boys, and Manhood","description":"The \u201cbullying\u201d story coming out of the Miami Dolphins locker room has dominated the news for the last few weeks.\u00a0 Though the details still aren\u2019t fully","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Of Dolphins, Hazings, Boys, and Manhood","og_description":"The \u201cbullying\u201d story coming out of the Miami Dolphins locker room has dominated the news for the last few weeks.\u00a0 Though the details still aren\u2019t fully","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/","og_site_name":"The Tim Wright Blog","article_published_time":"2013-11-13T21:32:55+00:00","og_image":[{"width":300,"height":261,"url":"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/827\/2016\/07\/richie-incognito-300x261.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Tim Wright","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Tim Wright","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/","name":"Of Dolphins, Hazings, Boys, and Manhood","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/#website"},"datePublished":"2013-11-13T21:32:55+00:00","dateModified":"2013-11-13T21:32:55+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/#\/schema\/person\/d376e49ac40fe61bef02b93f41269340"},"description":"The \u201cbullying\u201d story coming out of the Miami Dolphins locker room has dominated the news for the last few weeks.\u00a0 Though the details still aren\u2019t fully","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/2013\/11\/of-dolphins-hazings-boys-and-manhood\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Of Dolphins, Hazings, Boys, and Manhood"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/","name":"The Tim Wright Blog","description":"Musings on God\u2019s bold, reckless grace\u2026and life in the middle","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/#\/schema\/person\/d376e49ac40fe61bef02b93f41269340","name":"Tim Wright","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/12d5559111c8a68f11425c607bcfe664?s=96&d=identicon&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/12d5559111c8a68f11425c607bcfe664?s=96&d=identicon&r=g","caption":"Tim Wright"},"description":"I've been a pastor in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America since 1984, currently serving as the founding pastor of Community of Grace in Peoria, AZ. My wife, Jan and I, were married in 1979. We raised two kids and currently have 3 grandkids. I love to ride my bike, travel, read British Mysteries, and Disneyland. I have written 6 books, including my newest--Searching for Tom Sawyer: How Parents and Congregations Can Stop the Exodus of Boys From Church. My website: www.TimWrightMinistries.org","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.TimWrightMinistries.org"],"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/author\/twright\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/162","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1621"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=162"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/162\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1053"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=162"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=162"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/timwright\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=162"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/searchingfortomsawyer\/files\/2013\/11\/richie-incognito.jpg\" "\\"richie-incognito\\"")
<\/a>A few thoughts from my perspective:<\/p>\n