{"id":2607,"date":"2012-08-08T08:34:42","date_gmt":"2012-08-08T14:34:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/tinseltalk\/?p=2607"},"modified":"2012-08-08T10:22:55","modified_gmt":"2012-08-08T16:22:55","slug":"review-pro-marriage-hope-springs-highlights-grown-up-romance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/tinseltalk\/2012\/08\/review-pro-marriage-hope-springs-highlights-grown-up-romance\/","title":{"rendered":"Review: Pro-Marriage ‘Hope Springs’ Highlights Grown-up Romance"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

It\u2019s become quite fashionable to cluck and sigh at romantic comedies that end with the girl getting her guy and, perhaps, a ring.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s just the beginning,\u201d we scold, \u201cWhat happens after that? What about grown-up romances? The ones that happen after ten or twenty-seven years of marriage? What about love that lasts?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hope Springs,<\/em> opening Wednesday August 8, is just the kind of pro-marriage, grown-up romance we say we want.<\/p>\n

In fact, quite grown-up. As in Baby Boomer.<\/p>\n

Some might even say old.<\/p>\n

Kay, played by the luminescent 63 year old Meryl Streep, celebrates her\u00a0thirty-first anniversary with Arnold, played by Tommy Lee Jones, who is closing in on his 66th birthday. With two children recently launched into adulthood, a comfortable but not wealthy life, and an expectation of at least a decade of good health, the two Boomers should be settling into a period of freedom and adventure.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s not that easy.<\/p>\n

Kay is miserably unhappy. Arnold has been a good husband: faithful, respectful, and hard-working. Over the years, however, they\u2019ve drifted into a sort of intimate separation, a close-knit estrangement. Although practically able to read each other\u2019s minds on matters like what to eat for dinner or whether to turn down the air conditioning, they sleep in separate bedrooms.<\/p>\n

They never touch, except a route kiss on the cheek in the morning. They certainly never make love.<\/p>\n

Kay, now that the work of childrearing and career-building is behind them, wants the marriage they once had. She packs a protesting Arnold up and heads to an intensive marriage retreat at the office of Dr. Feld (Steve Carell, in a serious, non-comedic role).<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

That\u2019s it. That\u2019s the movie.<\/p>\n

Most of the action takes place as Kay and Arnold nervously perch on Dr. Feld\u2019s couch or argue in their rented Econo-Lodge room. There\u2019s no shocking revelation or dramatic showdowns or attractive third party, just two former lovers trying to find their way back to each other.<\/p>\n

In any other hands, such a film would be insufferable. However, Streep is so adept at inhabiting any role she plays, she makes the film very good. Leaving behind the strong characters she\u2019s created in Margaret Thatcher<\/a> and Julia Child, Streep makes Kay all passive passion and wounded energy, a woman lost in her own desire for something she is not sure exists. Jones\u2019 gruff, grumpy cowboy persona is exactly right here, as he harumphs and grumbles his way through counseling.<\/p>\n

It feels like watching a real couple.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s one particularly fine moment when, in the midst of an emotional and draining argument, Arnold mentions something about one of their children that they both affectionately\u00a0find ridiculous. Through all the tears and growls, they both chuckle. It\u2019s not the full-blown belly-laugh of first love, but that long-term, intimate, shorthand chuckle that says, \u201cYou are funny. I acknowledge the funny comment. Indeed, you\u2019re the funniest person I know and we\u2019ve been laughing at this particular thing for decades and I still find it funny, although neither one of us requires a full laugh to reinforce that fact.\u201d<\/p>\n

Long-time couples will know exactly what I\u2019m talking about.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s one of the finest aspects of marriage, that jokes stretch out over decades and become richer and funnier over time then they ever were at the start, even as the actual laughter becomes less\u00a0raucous.<\/p>\n

Only master actors can pull off such a moment of intimacy.<\/p>\n

Those little moments of\u00a0intimacy make the audience root for the marriage to succeed. Losing them would create a void in the universe.<\/p>\n

The film is rated PG-13 because much of their discussion comes down to sex, sexual acts, and their feelings about such acts. There are also moments of attempted or realized sexual activity, with the action shown although no Boomer nudity is shown (or other nudity, for that matter). Frankly, the acting out of sex is much less uncomfortable than hearing the two awkwardly and haltingly discuss sex. This is not a wildly explicit film, but neither is a film for children. I doubt it would appeal to children anyway.<\/p>\n

When Dr. Feld encourages the couple, saying that even great marriages have a few rough years and they should push through, not give up, those who know that to be true will want to stand up and cheer. The movie is the strongest pro-marriage movie I\u2019ve ever seen.<\/p>\n

Still, with all this beauty and determination at the heart of the laudable film, there\u2019s also an assumption at its core that makes me uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

The question comes down to what the purpose of marriage is.<\/p>\n

Baby Boomers \u2013 the generation of Streep and Jones and the intended audience for the film \u2013 essentially redefined marriage as an institution whose primary goal was to make the couple happy. Prior to that generation, couples chose well or poorly, jumped with both feet, and hoped for happiness. Marriage was more a matter of duty, of fulfilling a promise, of aiding society by taking care of children and parents and each other, of working together.<\/p>\n

Sometimes this worked and sometimes it created its own brand of misery, but the definition of marriage was fundamentally different than today.<\/p>\n

In a moment when it seems possible that Kay may leave Arnold, \u00a0she murmurs that maybe she might be happier alone than with him. Even with his gruffness and insensitivity, I found myself wondering if she really could leave this man to face old age alone, to endure the coldness of the world alone, the advancement of ill health and death alone, for something as trivial as unhappiness.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s a serious desertion.<\/p>\n

This is not to say unhappiness is unimportant, only that Kay is focused on her feelings and not her duty. She focuses on her sad emotions \u00a0\u2013 which spring from admittedly valid roots \u2013 and not on a determination to do good for another human being. The elusive quality of happiness is paramount.<\/p>\n

The Me-Generation\u2019s tendency to self-focus feels so natural we almost forget to question it.<\/p>\n

A supreme irony emerges here. Those who prioritize a quest for happiness most often find despair while those who prioritize serving others and doing one\u2019s duty usually find happiness as a byproduct.<\/p>\n

This leaves me of two minds about this very watchable movie. On one hand, it\u2019s fantastic to watch a couple fight not just for their marriage, but for their marriage to be excellent. On the other, it pales in comparison to some of the real-life, truly heroic marriages I\u2019ve seen.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Can even married Boomers find true love?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":74,"featured_media":2632,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[161,13,11],"tags":[607,438,606,203,5,310],"class_list":["post-2607","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","category-interviews","category-new-movies","tag-baby-boomers","tag-hope-springs","tag-marriage","tag-meryl-streep","tag-steve-carell","tag-tommy-lee-jones"],"yoast_head":"\nReview: Pro-Marriage 'Hope Springs' Highlights Grown-up Romance - Tinsel<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Can even married Boomers find true love?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/tinseltalk\/2012\/08\/review-pro-marriage-hope-springs-highlights-grown-up-romance\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Review: Pro-Marriage 'Hope Springs' Highlights Grown-up Romance - 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