Some of the rhythms are ragged, but it doesn\u2019t take a doctorate in musicology to figure out what melody fits these lyrics.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cOn the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my significant other in a consenting adult relationship gave to me, 12 males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, 11 pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union\u2026), 10 melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping, nine persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression, eight economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk products from enslaved Bovine-Americans. \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n
It happens every year on the Internet, about the time TV networks start serving up holiday specials and newspapers uncover new stories about battles over crhches, candles and concerts in the public square. Something snaps out there in cyberspace and armies of anonymous scribes begin churning out holiday satires.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cEverybody has an opinion on what\u2019s happening to Christmas, and I mean everybody,\u201d said Chris Fabry, a radio humorist with the Chicago-based Moody Broadcasting Network. He is the author of the satirical \u201cAway With The Manger: A Spiritually Correct Christmas Story.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
\u201cIf you\u2019re a strong Christian, then you really care about what Christmas is supposed to mean. If you\u2019re a secularist, who only cares about the orgy of gift giving, then you\u2019re still going to get caught up in the crush at the mall. Even if you are a rabid atheist and you don\u2019t buy any of this, then Christmas still matters to you because you\u2019re surrounded by all kinds of things that push your buttons. Everybody reacts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
Here\u2019s what it looks like on the Internet. First, someone writes something funny \u2013 like a scientific analysis of why sleighs can\u2019t fly, a lawyer\u2019s analysis of the Nativity story, a detailed corporate plan to downsize Santa\u2019s workshop or a news report about Microsoft\u2019s takeover of Christmas \u201997, which will be delayed until mid-1998. Then the wag sends it to a list of e- mail friends. Then people start adding variations of their own. Then someone posts it on the World Wide Web, where others copy it and pass it on. Then it ends up in church bulletins. I get stacks of this stuff, since I write about religion.<\/p>\n\n
One newspaper copyeditor sent a set of punchy headlines \u2013 one word per line in massive type \u2014 that journalists might write for news reports during that first Christmas season. The list included: \u201cAngel accosts woman,\u201d \u201cPeace offer told,\u201d \u201cBaby called \u2018savior\u2019,\u201d \u201cKings recant pledge\u201d and \u201cMary mulls events.\u201d I offered one with a feature-story spin: \u201cSheep home alone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
Another winner was a version of \u201cA Visit From St. Nicholas,\u201d as written for an academic journal. It ended with the narrator proclaiming: \u201cBut I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility; \u2018Ecstatic yuletides to the planetary constituency, and to that self-same assemblage my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
Christmas is getting funnier and sadder. Fabry writes large doses of this brand of humor, from \u201cSilent night, Solstice night, all is calm, all half price\u201d to \u201cGood liberal men, with zest, hire lawyers to protest. \u2026 File a suit today, file a suit today.\u201d In his novelette, Christians led by an ex- Marine march on city hall chanting: \u201cYou can\u2019t take our holiday! It\u2019s in our heart and here to stay! Sound off! JESUS! Sound off! HE\u2019S BORN!\u201d<\/p>\n\n
But he also raises serious questions about what happens when so many believers let a cynical tone slip into their celebrations. It\u2019s one thing to criticize Christmas, American Style. It\u2019s something else to become so fatalistic, and spend so much time mocking \u201cThe Holidays,\u201d that Christmas is dead on arrival.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cWe can laugh, to keep from crying, along with everybody else at Christmas,\u201d said Fabry. \u201cBut we have to laugh at ourselves, too, and realize that we\u2019re part of the problem. \u2026 If I don\u2019t see something wrong with the way that I am, if I only see myself as better than everybody else, then I\u2019ve missed the point.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Some of the rhythms are ragged, but it doesn\u2019t take a doctorate in musicology to figure out what melody fits these lyrics. \u201cOn the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my significant other in a consenting adult relationship gave to me, 12 males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, 11 pipers piping […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":610,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1005","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n