Pentecostal<\/a> Pagans, Recovering Christians, Christians seeking comfort from the storms of church bureaucracies and politics, lapsed Christians, committed Christians whose commitment is beginning to wane, Spiritual Desperados, folks looking for solace, seekers, rebels, rakes, the luckless, the abandoned, the forsaken, the vague and the clueless. Dress comfortably\u2026.\u201d It wasn\u2019t an off-the-rack church ad, admitted the Rev. Canon Christopher Platt of St. Augustine\u2019s Episcopal Chapel at the University of Kentucky. But it didn\u2019t jolt people as much as one noting that if they didn\u2019t feel like going to Mass, they could always send money.<\/p>\n\n\u201cWe try to be an equal-opportunity offender,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n
It\u2019s time once again for spring cleaning at the religion desk, when I pick through my extraneous e-mail and snail mail. I don\u2019t make this stuff up.<\/p>\n\n
* Ads are getting spiritually stranger. The creators of the new VW Beetle note: \u201cIf you sold your soul in the 80s, here\u2019s your chance to buy it back.\u201d This echoes recent ads claiming that Volvos \u201ccan save your soul.\u201d No offense intended, a Volvo spokesman told the Washington Times. \u201cWe\u2019re using the term soul in the metaphysical sense, in the secular sense, before the religious meaning, before the Christian meaning.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
* Someone sent me a junk e-mail ad for holy water. Price: $25 for a 1.4-ounce jar, with delivery in four to six weeks. The big question: Where did these entrepreneurs get it?<\/p>\n\n
* \u201cThe squeal of electric guitars calls the faithful to prayer,\u201d began a Los Angeles Times feature. \u201cThe ballplayer- turned-pastor hugs people streaming off shuttle buses. \u2026 As a microphone-waving singer at the altar \u2026 sways to a tune titled \u2018My Life in You, Lord,\u2019 collection plates fill with checks.\u201d It\u2019s Sunday at the Yorba Linda Friends Meeting House \u2014 the Quakers.<\/p>\n\n
* Bill Gates III\u2019s Catholic wife has offered him a deal. If he returns to church, he can take their daughter to the pew of his choice. Gates told Time he would prefer one with \u201cless theology and all,\u201d such as the United Church of Christ. But, \u201cin terms of the allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There\u2019s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
* Try to picture this odd couple. The scene is a protest rally near the White House, during Chinese President Jiang Zemin\u2019s visit. Religious Right strategist Gary Bauer of the Family Research Council taps actor Richard Gere on the shoulder. The veteran Tibet activist turns around and, according to Fred Barnes of the Weekly Standard, exclaims: \u201cGary! My main man!\u201d<\/p>\n\n
* Here\u2019s a candid quote from pundit Andrew Sullivan on why he opposes Catholic teachings on homosexuality: \u201cI know I\u2019m telling the truth about who I am. I know that the people around me are telling the truth. If we\u2019re telling the truth, then the church\u2019s position has to be wrong.\u201d Meanwhile, Episcopal Church spokesman Jim Solheim offered this explanation for why traditionalists are so upset: \u201cWhat really bothers them is relativism in sexuality, the ordination of gays and lesbians and the blessing of gay unions. They are convinced that biblical standards of morality must be enforced.\u201d Yes, that would explain a lot.<\/p>\n\n
* Here is this year\u2019s best ecclesiastical light-bulb joke. \u201cHow many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb? This statement was issued: \u2018We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light-bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted \u2014 all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.\u2019 \u201c<\/p>\n\n
* A British bookseller has struggled with clergy stealing his wares. Thus, he posted this prayer: \u201cFor him that stealeth a Book from this Library, let it change into a serpent into his hand and rend him. Let him be struck with Palsy, and all his Members blasted. Let him languish in Pain crying aloud for Mercy and let there be no surcease to his Agony till he sink in Dissolution. Let Bookworms gnaw his Entrails in token of the Worm that dieth not, and when at last he goeth to his final Punishment, let the flames of Hell consume him for ever and aye.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
So there.<\/p>\n\n
* Thus spake Homer Simpson: \u201cThe answer\u2019s to life\u2019s problems aren\u2019t found at the bottom of a bottle, they\u2019re found on TV.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The advertisement featured a photo of Stonehenge, with dawn\u2019s rays summoning worshippers to embrace old mysteries. Who was invited? \u201cReformed Druids, Born-again Celts, Pentecostal Pagans, Recovering Christians, Christians seeking comfort from the storms of church bureaucracies and politics, lapsed Christians, committed Christians whose commitment is beginning to wane, Spiritual Desperados, folks looking for solace, seekers, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":610,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1023","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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