For the principalities and powers at Microsoft, these are the times that try geeks\u2019 souls.<\/p>\n\n
Then again, maybe an even more serious judgment day lies ahead.<\/p>\n\n
Not long ago, Microsoft\u2019s advertising team came up with a cheery slogan to assure consumers that the software giant understands the daily challenges faced by ordinary people. One of these spots features a snippet of Mozart\u2019s Requiem, juxtaposed with Microsoft\u2019s omnipresent question, \u201cWhere do you want to go today?\u201d<\/p>\n\n
A recent issue of the journal InfoWorld noted that this was a strange question to ask while the choir urgently sang: \u201cConfutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis (The damned and accursed are consigned to the flames of hell).\u201d<\/p>\n\n
But there is hope. A friend who is a classics scholar, Father Patrick Henry Reardon, informs me that these lines from the \u201cDies Irae\u201d are composed, grammatically speaking, in the \u201cablative absolute.\u201d This is a dependent clause and, thus, the thought should be completed with its principal clause, which is: \u201cVoca me cum benedictis (Summon me with the blessed).\u201d<\/p>\n\n
So who is blessed and who is cursed? In this case, a federal judge will make that decision.<\/p>\n\n
This bizarre anecdote can only mean one thing. Every year I mark the anniversary of the birth of this column \u2014 this is No. 12 \u2014 by offering a buffet of my favorite off-beat leftovers from my mailbox. It\u2019s that time again, so dig in.<\/p>\n\n
* Columns about church-music trends always provoke reactions. My commentary on \u201cpost-contemporary worship\u201d inspired several readers to send the same parable, which explained the difference between \u201chymns\u201d and \u201cpraise choruses.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s like this,\u201d a farmer explained to his wife. \u201cIf I were to say to you, \u2018Martha, the cows are in the corn,\u2019 that would be a hymn. If, on the other hand, I was to say to you, \u2018Martha, Martha, Martha, oh Martha, MARTHA, MARTHA, the cows, the big cows, the brown cows, the black cows, the white cows, the black-and-white cows, the COWS, COWS, COWS, are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn,\u2019 that would be a praise chorus.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
* A personal request: Please, do not send more updates about the photograph of Shirley MacLaine in Los Angeles that is supposedly weeping tears that heal people. That is so 1980s.<\/p>\n\n
* Six prominent ministers recently gathered in Virginia Beach, Va., for a rite to renew religious broadcaster Pat Robertson\u2019s vows as an ordained minister, a role which he surrendered in 1988 to run for president. Among the clergy who placed his hands on Robertson\u2019s shoulders during the ordination prayers was Episcopal Bishop John Howe of Orlando. So I\u2019m curious. Historically speaking, are we talking about the Rev. Pat Robertson or Father Pat Robertson?<\/p>\n\n
* A reader\u2019s list of possible titles for Jewish country-western songs began with \u201cI Was One of the Chosen People (\u2018Til She Chose Somebody Else).\u201d It ended with \u201cMamas Don\u2019t Let Your Ungrateful Sons Grow Up to Be Cowboys (When They Could Very Easily Have Just Taken Over the Family Business that My Own Grandfather Broke His Back to Start and My Father Built Up Over Years of Effort Which Apparently Doesn\u2019t Mean Anything Now That You\u2019re Turning Your Back on Such a Gift)\u201d<\/p>\n\n
* The end is near. Apparel Industry magazine noted that the peek-a-boo trend of girls flaunting ritzy bras, or faux bra-strap headbands, has reached some pews. \u201cEven Mennonite girls are wearing it at church functions,\u201d wrote the editor.<\/p>\n\n
* You have to admit that it took guts for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals to put up a \u201cJesus was a vegetarian\u201d billboard \u2014 with an image of Christ with an orange-slice halo \u2014 in cattle-crazy Amarillo, Texas. No, this had nothing to do with Oprah.<\/p>\n\n
* If you get this joke, you probably grew up in the Bible Belt. \u201cYou might be a Southern Baptist if \u2026 you know that Lottie Moon is not a member of the Unification Church.\u201d<\/p>\n\n