The nightmare begins when the Rev. Joe McKeever turns and faces the bride and groom.<\/p>\n\n
He smiles. They smile. The family, friends and faithful smile. Then McKeever begins reciting the lovely words he has said hundreds of times in nearly four decades of ministry. Only this time, he hears a voice inside his head saying something radically different.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cDear friends, we have gathered here today to witness a disaster in the making,\u201d says the voice. \u201cMartha here has decided she wants to marry Chester. Martha \u2014 church-goer, hymn-singer, happy, raised right \u2014 is throwing it all away in order to marry Chet here, a smug, ungodly rascal. \u2026 Why Chester and Martha want to lock themselves into marriage is beyond me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
And so forth. Then one day, the pastor of the First Baptist Church in Kenner, La., did a strange thing. He wrote down what that voice was saying and sent this warped wedding rite to a Southern Baptist newspaper, assuming the editors wouldn\u2019t publish it. They did.<\/p>\n\n
Some folks weren\u2019t amused. They accused him of saying that inter-faithless marriages are doomed and that the unbelieving spouses are automatically going to hell.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cThe whole thing is a satire,\u201d said McKeever. \u201cI know it isn\u2019t funny. But I\u2019m not laughing, either. What I\u2019m saying is that this seems to be happening more often. \u2026 What we\u2019re doing is marrying two people who are like trains running in different directions or even on tracks that cross. We\u2019re causing train wrecks.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
After all, he said, St. Paul warned people who were getting married in the early church: \u201cBe ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what \u2026 communion hath light with darkness?\u201d<\/p>\n\n
So why do Bible-preaching pastors do all of these weddings?<\/p>\n\n
In McKeever\u2019s satirical ceremony, that inner voice answers: \u201cProbably because Martha\u2019s folks are leaders in our church, and I thought it would anger them if I declined. And some people think, maybe we can reach Chester this way. Frankly, I\u2019m not too sure that disobeying the clear teaching of scripture is a good way to reach anybody for the Lord.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
And once today\u2019s pastors start asking this kind of tough pre-wedding question, others are sure to follow. What if Martha and Chester are living together? What if Martha\u2019s pregnant? What if Chester says he\u2019s a believer, but doesn\u2019t act like it? What if the bride or groom is divorced? What if they sit in the pastor\u2019s study, during the obligatory three premarital counseling sessions, and say they know they\u2019re supposed to get married \u201cbecause it just feels right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n
Meanwhile, some of America\u2019s most conservative church leaders are wrestling with a report released last year by the evangelical number-crunchers at the Barna Research Group. It said 27 percent of born-again Christians are now or have been divorced, compared with 24 percent of other Americans. For Baptists, the number was 29 percent and it\u2019s 34 percent in non-denominational churches.<\/p>\n\n
That could mean these churches are doing a good job of reaching people who are already divorced, said McKeever. But surely it also means that many pastors are doing lots of weddings that they should\u2019t be doing.<\/p>\n\n
It doesn\u2019t help that preachers can stand in their pulpits and spot a few rascals who have, in fact, been converted through conjugal evangelism.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cIt all works out just enough to keep that myth alive,\u201d he said. \u201cWe keep telling women not to go into marriage thinking they\u2019re going to fix those guys. But nine times out of 10, it just doesn\u2019t work. Then they get hurt. The kids get hurt. Everybody gets hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
But that train wreck comes long after the end of McKeever\u2019s bizarre wedding ceremony, after the soprano sings that \u201cTitanic\u201d song. First, the pastor has to wrap things up.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ll say some religious words over you as we all pretend that somehow God is blessing what He has forbidden,\u201d says the anti-pastor. \u201cYou will exchange rings and vows and saliva and leave here seeking the lowest common denominator in your values, your beliefs and your convictions. \u2026 So let us pray, and pray, and pray.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The nightmare begins when the Rev. Joe McKeever turns and faces the bride and groom. He smiles. They smile. The family, friends and faithful smile. Then McKeever begins reciting the lovely words he has said hundreds of times in nearly four decades of ministry. Only this time, he hears a voice inside his head saying […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":610,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1138","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n