\u201cMonogamy\u201d isn\u2019t such a scary word, once people get the hang of redefining it to fit the realities of modern life, according to gay provocateur Dan Savage.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cThe sexual model that straight people have created really doesn\u2019t work,\u201d said the nationally syndicated columnist, in a New York Times Magazine piece on post-modern sex. \u201cAll it does is force people to lie. \u2026 In this society, we view monogamy like we view virginity, one incident and it\u2019s over, the relationship is over.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
Heterosexual couples, he said, should relax and learn from homosexuals. Relationships must grow and evolve. \u201cI know gay couples who have been together for 35 years. They have separate bedrooms. Sometimes they sleep together and sometimes they sleep with other people, but they\u2019re a great couple,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n
Is this \u201cmonogamy\u201d? That depends on how the word is defined.<\/p>\n\n
Many homosexuals agree with Savage. But some gays and many lesbians embrace a more traditional definition. Then again, many self-proclaimed \u201cqueer theologians\u201d reject \u201cmonogamy\u201d and \u201cfidelity\u201d altogether and insist that any hint at limiting sex to one partner is taboo, a lingering symptom of Judeo-Christian heterosexism.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cThese debates rage on, but they haven\u2019t received much attention outside the gay community,\u201d said Larry Holben, author of \u201cWhat Christians Think about Homosexuality.\u201d He is a gay Christian who is best known for writing \u201cThe Hiding Place,\u201d a classic evangelical film.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cBut I think that\u2019s changing,\u201d he added. \u201cIt\u2019s getting harder to deny that internal conflicts exist, among homosexuals as well as among conservatives.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
Mere word games? Last week, the Episcopal Church\u2019s House of Bishops acknowledged that many believers live in \u201clife-long committed relationships,\u201d outside of Holy Matrimony. The vote was 119 to 19, with four abstentions. The bishops denounced \u201cpromiscuity,\u201d and said they expected such relationships to be characterized by \u201cfidelity, monogamy\u201d and \u201choly love.\u201d They pledged to provide \u201cprayerful support\u201d and \u201cpastoral care\u201d for these relationships, but stopped just short of calling for rites to bless same-sex unions or extramarital heterosexual unions.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cOnce again, you have to ask what all these words mean,\u201d said Stanton Jones, co-author of the upcoming \u201cHomosexuality: The Use of Scientific Research in the Church\u2019s Moral Debate.\u201d He is provost of Wheaton College near Chicago.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cSome people simply define \u2018promiscuity\u2019 as sex that is careless, abusive or dishonest, with no other questions asked. \u2026 Or \u2018monogamy\u2019 merely means a sense of emotional fidelity to one person, not an exclusive sexual fidelity. It means that you have one stable, ongoing relationship, but that doesn\u2019t have to be your only sexual relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
In his book, Holben meticulously draws lines between three liberal Christian stances.<\/p>\n\n
* One group argues for \u201cpastoral accommodation\u201d that views homosexual acts \u201cnot so much as intrinsically evil as essential imperfect,\u201d writes Holben. But in a fallen world, homosexuals may justify some sexual activity, just as other Christians now justify divorce and remarriage. This stance emphasizes monogamy.<\/p>\n\n
* An \u201caffirmation\u201d camp goes beyond tolerating gay and lesbian relationships, saying they hold the same \u201cpotential for a self-transcending exchange of love as heterosexual unions.\u201d These Christians believe that the morality of \u201chomosexual acts are to be evaluated exactly as are heterosexual acts,\u201d writes Holben. Monogamous, committed, homosexual relationships are truly sacred unions. But what does \u201cmonogamy\u201d mean?<\/p>\n\n
* Finally, there is \u201cliberation.\u201d As the Rev. Canon Elizabeth Kaeton of Newark once told the Episcopal Church\u2019s homosexual caucus, the task for gays and lesbians, \u201cour specific charism, is to help ourselves and the church reclaim the erotic as a central part of our lives.\u201d A one-night stand may be a holy act, if the sex is honest, loving and not abusive. This camp argues that monogamy may, in fact, be a mask for jealousy and spiritually destructive forms of idolatry.<\/p>\n\n
The big question: Are sexual acts sacramental, in and of themselves, or is marriage, alone, a sacrament?<\/p>\n\n
\u201cFor many on the left the Holy Spirit is equated, quite literally, with the erotic,\u201d said Jones. \u201cSex is a vehicle for touching the divine. \u2026 Sex becomes a spiritual discipline and it\u2019s wrong \u2014 a sin even \u2014 to put any limits on the work of the Holy Spirit.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cMonogamy\u201d isn\u2019t such a scary word, once people get the hang of redefining it to fit the realities of modern life, according to gay provocateur Dan Savage. \u201cThe sexual model that straight people have created really doesn\u2019t work,\u201d said the nationally syndicated columnist, in a New York Times Magazine piece on post-modern sex. \u201cAll it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":610,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1140","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n