One of the Rev. Dwight Moody\u2019s favorite perks as dean of the Georgetown College chapel is that he is free to spend most Sundays exploring other churches in Lexington, Ky.<\/p>\n\n
That\u2019s how the Baptist preacher ended up in St. Andrew Antiochian Orthodox Church in a cloud of incense, trying to figure out what the worshippers were chanting, why they rarely sat down and when the 9 o\u2019clock service was going to end so that the 10 o\u2019clock service could begin.<\/p>\n\n
Everything was a mystery.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cWhen the main service ended they just kept going and had two more. \u2026I couldn\u2019t figure out what was going on,\u201d said Moody. \u201cIt was the most in-your-face, retrograde old stuff you could imagine. What fascinated me was that this was the TOTAL antithesis of everything that is happening in the contemporary church.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
But he looked around and realized he wasn\u2019t the only visitor in the multi-ethnic crowd. Afterwards, a cluster of ex-Methodists helped him get oriented. Moody had toured Orthodox churches in Jerusalem and elsewhere, but had never actually attended a service.<\/p>\n\n
It was while he was driving home that he had a crazy idea.<\/p>\n\n
During his Sunday adventures, Moody has seen his share of megachurches offering \u201cseeker-friendly services\u201d for media-soaked Americans. These are the ones with shiny auditoriums that seat 5,000 or so people, complete with rock-concert quality sound and lights. Many have been shaped by the work of consulting firms that specialize in church design and marketing.<\/p>\n\n
Moody thought to himself: How would a church-growth professional critique the smells, bells and sacraments he had just witnessed?<\/p>\n\n
Before long, he had written a satirical \u201cSurvival Guide\u201d for an imaginary \u201cSt. Pachomius Byzantine Orthodox Church.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
The church\u2019s name, for example, was simply not acceptable today.<\/p>\n\n
Moody\u2019s imaginary consultant was blunt: \u201cNobody \u2014 and I mean NOBODY \u2014 understands any part of your name. (I actually commissioned a survey.) Most assumed you were Jewish, others thought of a travel agency and one was sure \u2018Byzantine\u2019 was a link to al-Qaeda.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cMy recommendation: Be bold! Embrace the third millennium! Take a new name, one derived from the old but in a clever sort of way. Our people suggest you utilize the word BOX: how about \u2018p-BOX\u2019? Edgy, isn\u2019t it, but evocative and mysterious, as well. Remember how United States Steel Corporation became USXX? Brilliant: strong but subtle, distinctive and vague.\u201d <\/p>\n\n
The sanctuary would need a makeover, starting with the exit of all those \u201cpainted panels of old people.\u201d Besides, the icons were taking up space that would be needed for large video screens for movie clips and pop-rock hymnody. The firm suggested replacing the incense with \u201csome very nice potpourri planters in a selection of scents: Miracle Moonlight, Oceans of Peace and Farm Fresh Faith.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
The a cappella quartet of overweight male chanters would have to go, as well.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cModern, younger people \u2014 those you must seek to appease, I mean, attract \u2014 are drawn toward drum sets and speakers,\u201d he added. \u201cMake them very visible, even if you actually utilize sound tracks (sample enclosed).\u201d<\/p>\n\n
And Holy Communion? Adding a Starbucks would be a better idea. If the church insisted on serving bread and wine at the altar, \u201cresearch indicates that videos shown during the lag time are well received.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
The article was published in several Kentucky newspapers and then in the Christian Century, a mainline weekly. Moody was relieved to learn that Orthodox readers had gotten the joke and were rolling in the aisles. Well, some were rolling in the aisles. Many Orthodox Christians would not have aisles in which to roll, since their sanctuaries are traditionally built without the modern amenities called pews.<\/p>\n\n
Then members of other churches began to respond. Moody hit a nerve with his backhanded tribute to a flock that was clinging to 2000 years worth of roots.<\/p>\n\n
\u201cYou see, I was not making fun of the Orthodox,\u201d he said. \u201cI was making fun of the whole contemporary church scene. \u2026 There are people in all kinds of traditional churches who are being told, \u2018If you don\u2019t change, you\u2019re going to die. If you don\u2019t buy into the latest fads, you\u2019re history.\u2019 Ministers are under incredible pressure to strip away anything that\u2019s connected to the past. Well, some people have had enough.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
One of the Rev. Dwight Moody\u2019s favorite perks as dean of the Georgetown College chapel is that he is free to spend most Sundays exploring other churches in Lexington, Ky. That\u2019s how the Baptist preacher ended up in St. Andrew Antiochian Orthodox Church in a cloud of incense, trying to figure out what the worshippers […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":610,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[214,543,625,934],"class_list":["post-1217","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-church-growth","tag-megachurches","tag-orthodox-christianity","tag-worship-wars"],"yoast_head":"\n