The theory behind \u201cspeed dating\u201d is simple, even if the logistics sound complex.<\/p>\n
At many such events, young women sit in a circle surrounded by a circle of young men. For eight minutes participants ask the person in front of them some personal questions, hopefully adding new details to questionnaires they filled out beforehand.<\/p>\n
The circles keep rotating one chair at a time, creating a series of face-to-face encounters. Organizers then round up the data and look for signs that something clicked for somebody.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t waste a lot of time on one person, there is a large pool of people, they are pre-selected and they are not drunk. So there are some big advantages over the club scene,\u201d noted Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University.<\/p>\n
The very existence of \u201cspeed dating\u201d is evidence that many single adults and their parents believe something has gone terribly wrong in the world of love and courtship, she said, during a recent Emory University conference on sex, marriage, family and faith.<\/p>\n
This raises a serious question: Would it help if religious congregations started holding \u201cspeed dating\u201d events of their own?<\/p>\n
Whitehead thinks it is significant that some Catholics, Evangelicals and other highly committed religious believers are already starting Internet dating services. And then there is the network called JMOMS \u2014 Jewish Mothers Organizing Matches. Sometimes a concept can be timely and timeless at the same time.<\/p>\n
But these efforts are not the norm. Most religious institutions appear to have conceded love and romance to the secular powers that be.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo many faith communities are totally oriented to married couples and those with children and they can\u2019t seem to catch up with the demographic realities that single people face today,\u201d said Whitehead. \u201cMeanwhile, in the sexual free-for-all of our age, it is the conservative, the more traditional singles \u2014 especially the women \u2013who are going to get ditched. They are in the most vulnerable position, because the whole club and bar dating scene is just not going to work for them. The last thing they need is for churches to abandon them.\u201d<\/p>\n
This void is a modern phenomenon. For centuries, said Whitehead, the rites of courtship took place in the context of three great institutions \u2014 the extended family, the school and the church.<\/p>\n
Religious leaders played a vital role in shaping the relationships that were later blessed at their altars.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut today, all three institutions are increasingly remote from where people are in their adult life course when they begin to seriously look for a mate,\u201d she said. Most singles are \u201cliving independently, often far from home. They are also emotionally far from home. They are not going to pick up the phone and call mommy and daddy to talk about their dating prospects.\u201d<\/p>\n
While writing her most recent book, \u201cWhy There Are No Good Men Left,\u201d Whitehead interviewed scores of single adults, especially young women. She also studied personal ads and shelves of bestsellers about dating.<\/p>\n
What she found was confusion and conflicting values.<\/p>\n
Modern singles are looking for \u201csoul mates\u201d and they fear divorce. But most also want mates who work out, eat right and have \u201csome edge.\u201d What seems to matter the most, she said, is \u201ccompetitive physical excellence.\u201d Love is defined in terms of chemistry, emotion and sex. The hard work of \u201ctesting the relationship\u201d comes later.<\/p>\n
Few seem concerned about faith. Most young singles that mention religion, she noted, want this religious affiliation to be as \u201cdiluted, mild and inoffensive as possible.\u201d They describe themselves with phrases such as \u201cJewish, but not very,\u201d \u201crealistic Catholic,\u201d \u201cProtestant, but not a Bible thumper\u201d or \u201cvery spiritual, in a nondenominational way.\u201d<\/p>\n
Thus, modern dating rites are defined by \u201cThe Bachelor,\u201d Maxim, \u201cFriends,\u201d Self Magazine and other forces that focus more on perfect abdominals than moral absolutes.<\/p>\n
If clergy and parents care, then they need to act, said Whitehead.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat we have is an absence of places where serious, marriage-minded people can find each other,\u201d she said. \u201cOur churches are not helping. Our colleges are not helping. The religious centers at our colleges and the alumni offices are not helping. \u2026 It\u2019s like we have suddenly decided that young men and women are supposed to do this totally on their own.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The theory behind \u201cspeed dating\u201d is simple, even if the logistics sound complex. At many such events, young women sit in a circle surrounded by a circle of young men. For eight minutes participants ask the person in front of them some personal questions, hopefully adding new details to questionnaires they filled out beforehand. The […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":610,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1232","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n