What Makes Me Faint

Now, I don’t want you thinking that I faint willy-nilly. The sight of blood, even my own, doesn’t make me weak in the knees. Neither do dead bodies — I see 3-5 cadavers every year as a police chaplain.

No, I faint in very specific circumstances: in a clinical setting, when a physician is describing the internal functions of my body, usually accompanied by a drawing or x-ray.

It first happened in college. I had reffed a hockey tournament that had me skating 14 hours a day for three days straight. By the end of the tourney, I couldn’t even walk. I went to the college infirmary and was told I has severe tendinitis in both ankles, and, as the doc drew pictures of my tendons on that white paper they pull over the exam table, I went down. This week, it happened as soon as he popped the x-rays of my knee on the light box.

I also occasionally faint at the sight of really bad theology.