{"id":7626,"date":"2012-12-08T08:23:04","date_gmt":"2012-12-08T14:23:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/tonyjones\/?p=7626"},"modified":"2015-03-13T16:48:17","modified_gmt":"2015-03-13T21:48:17","slug":"being-liked-is-overrated-advice-from-a-feminist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/tonyjones\/2012\/12\/08\/being-liked-is-overrated-advice-from-a-feminist\/","title":{"rendered":"Being Liked Is Overrated: Advice from a Feminist"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Jessica Valenti<\/a> used to respond to every commenter on her blog, no matter how nasty they were. She doesn\u2019t anymore, because she realized that being liked isn\u2019t that important:<\/p>\n

\n
Jessica Valenti<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

One of the questions I get asked most often from young women who are just discovering feminism is how they can maintain relationships when the people in their lives see feminism as so confrontational. How can they talk about the issues that matter to them when they are constantly seen as the bossy bitch at the family dinner table? How will they ever have a boyfriend if they object to the sexist movie he wants to go see on Saturday night? How can they get their roommate to stop telling jokes about man-hating and Birkenstocks? What they\u2019re really asking is how is it possible that they will be understood, liked and loved when the world is telling them that they\u2019re actually a huge pain in the ass.<\/p>\n

My answer generally consists of tips on how to strategically talk with people without putting them on the defensive\u2014ask them their stories, meet them where they\u2019re at, find entry points in a conversation that will resonate. I still believe this advice is helpful, but I wonder if I\u2019ve been doing these young women a disservice by not telling them the full story. Because if I had to choose between being likable or being successful, I\u2019d choose the latter every time.<\/p>\n

Yes, the more successful you are\u2014or the stronger, the more opinionated\u2014the less you will be generally liked. All of a sudden people will think you\u2019re too \u201cbraggy,\u201d too loud, too something. But the trade off is undoubtedly worth it. Power and authenticity are worth it.<\/strong><\/p>\n

And in a world where women are told to be anxious about everything\u2014that we can\u2019t \u201chave it all\u201d but will forever be searching for it\u2014saying that ambition and success are actually pretty great can be a radical message.<\/p>\n

Besides, being liked is overrated.<\/strong> Wanting to be liked means tempering your thoughts as to not offend. Wanting to be liked means not arguing vociferously with a female peer\u2014something that could improve and add to your ideas\u2014for fear that they\u2019ll be insulted or that they won\u2019t want to be friends. Wanting to be liked means agonizing over every negative comment in an online thread, even if they\u2019re coming from people you don\u2019t care about and don\u2019t think much of.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Read the rest:\u00a0She Who Dies With the Most \u2018Likes\u2019 Wins? | The Nation<\/a>.<\/p>\n

HT: Joy In This Journey<\/a><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jessica Valenti used to respond to every commenter on her blog, no matter how nasty they were. She doesn\u2019t anymore, because she realized that being liked isn\u2019t that important: One of the questions I get asked most often from young women who are just discovering feminism is how they can maintain relationships when the people […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[982],"class_list":["post-7626","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blogging","tag-feminism"],"yoast_head":"\nBeing Liked Is Overrated: Advice from a Feminist<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Jessica Valenti used to respond to every commenter on her blog, no matter how nasty they were. 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